Daily Feline Prompt: Can't Stand me

What do you find more unbearable: watching a video of yourself, or listening to a recording of your voice? Why?

What a silly question. I know I am a modest feline, keep myself to myself and rarely brag about how good I am or how clever I am. I have so many talents there would not be enough scope in this blog to mention all. Mrs. Human is full of praise how I help her in my home with eating the tuna fish she gives me, although only twice a week, but you cannot have everything I suppose.

I am also very good at using my recycling tray and always remind Mrs. Human to empty it when necessary. Did I tell you that I am an expert at defending my territory? Unfortunately it might happen that I am busy sleeping when one of my feline friends decide to invade my private sphere, but Mrs. Human is watching for me if necessary.

Today I found a wonderful new sleeping place. It was a cupboard full of human clothes and the door was open. I mean what would you do, as a feline. You jump in and make yourself comfortable. There was a small commotion when Mr. Human almost closed the cupboard door on me, but I reminded her to leave the door open and put a label on the door saying “do not close, Tabby seeping place” which worked quite well. I was left in peace until I noticed that Mrs. Human was preparing for her golden oldie midday sleep. I decided to accompany her as sleeping on a human bed is an improvement on a cupboard.

And Mrs. Human took my photo in the cupboard.

Mrs. Human said to apologise (a word which does not exist in Meow) for the dark photo. It seems the cupboard has no human light and I told her to keep it that way. Who needs light, we felines can see in the dark.

Daily Feline Prompt: Reason to believe in felines

In Reason to Believe, Bruce Springsteen sings, “At the end of every hard-earned day / people find some reason to believe.” What’s your reason to believe?

“Mrs. Human, what’s that white stuff outside in my territory?”

“That’s snow Tabby.”

“What’s snow?”

“It’s frozen water that comes down from the sky.”

“I thought frozen water was what is in my bowl outside in the morning. That is transparent, but that white stuff is not transparent”

“It varies according to how cold it is I suppose.”

“You suppose? You are supposed to explain everything to me, but “suppose” in a human word when the human does not know why.”

“Things are not always so easy to explain.”

“That’s is because the human brain has not yet achieved the level of the feline brain. I will have to ask Bastet the reason for the difference between snow and frozen water, she will know.”

“But she is not here.”

“Believe what you want Mrs. Human, she is always here. All I have to do is to programme my whiskers and I am already on the receiving end of her wisdom.”

“I thought whiskers had another purpose.”

“Yes Mrs. Human, just think. Do not forget we felines were gods and….”

“I know Tabby. Why do you not know the difference between frozen water and snow in that case?”

“Because we felines had not yet invented snow when we were gods. That came later when the Norwegian cats appeared on the scene. My ancestors originated in the old country, where the pharaohs lived and Bastet was top of the hit parade and not some guy called Bruce Springsteen that I have never heard of. We even had a guy called Ra, the sun king who died every day, only to be reborn the next morning. Bastet was Ra’s groupie. By the way did you know it was punished with the death sentence if you touched a hair on our feline bodies?”

“No, I did not Tabby. In that case what do I get for serving a dish of tuna fish.”

“Satisfaction that you have chosen the right meal for your feline.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Learning Style

What’s your learning style? Do you prefer learning in a group and in an interactive setting? Or one-on-one? Do you retain information best through lectures, or visuals, or simply by reading books?

“Can you still do it Tabby?”

“Do what?”

“Climb your special organised feline steps to reach the top of the cupboard where you like to rest with a view over your complete Kingdom.”

“Of course I can, don’t ask silly questions.”

“Then why don’t you climb up the ladder.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I think you have forgotten how to do it.”

“Hissss, shhhhh, not so loud, the others might read it.”

“Tabby it is a fact, you no longer use your steps.”

“I don’t feel like it, any feline can climb steps, but not every feline can take a jump from the desk to the top of the cupboard like I can.”

“But it is much easier to go up the steps, one after the other: no stress and just take your time.”

“Mrs. Human felines do not take their time, there is no point.”

“Why rush?”

“It is a matter of feline nature. We might have a dog on our paws, perhaps another feline, or there might be only one portion of mouse or bird, and first come first served.”

“But Tabby you are now at home and there are no other felines here. You only get healthy vitamin pellets of perhaps a portion of tuna fish at home, so why rush. No-one is going to take it away from you.”

“Mrs. Human this is developing into one of these conversations from a human point of view. You are applying the words of Dale Carnegie “When dealing with people you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion”.”

“Which would be translated in the higher level of feline logic?”

“Be quick, take it before the others do.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline B+

Write about what you did last weekend as though you’re a music critic reviewing a new album.

“What are you doing Tabby?+

“It is quite obvious. I am having one of my famous washes. The overture is to make the paw wet and the next movement is to swipe it in careful movements over my face.”

“You make it sound like a concert.”

“It is, having a wash is not just a quick stand under the big tongue you have in your bathroom, for a feline it is to be executed with care, a study in washing and we have many movements. It begins with the side parts of the face and of course around the mouth, that is the most important part.”

“Why Tabby.”

“You clean you teeth first of all don’t you? It is a similar study for us felines, but we have a reason. If I have been eating the famous tuna movement, it will definitely be noticed by other feline musicians and they will try to intervene on my washing syphony, searching for the lost tuna. It is better to remove that part of the concerto as soon as possible.

I then go into the lower keys of the rhythm, taking care to arrive at the essence of the music in a discrete way. There are parts of the feline washing symphony that are not to be seen by all, especially the tom cats amongst us. A lady likes to have her quiet symphonic movements to herself.”

“And then?”

“We now arrive at the grand finale, after a few bites in between the claws to make an impact on the listeners and progress to the dance sequence. I turn three times on the same spot, sink gracefully to a comfortable place, close my eyes, keeping one ear open for any sound intervals that may occur and perform the sleep concerto, which may last an hour or two, depending on whether I feel the need to create a diversion now and again. Yes, we feline have a feeling for our musical moments.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Meowing

Meowing evolves. The meaning of a meow can shift over time as we use it differently — think of “cool,” “heavy,” or even “literally.”

Today, give a word an evolutionary push: give a common word a new meaning, explain it to us, and use it in the title of your post.

“Meow”

“Meow-oo-ow”

“Mew”

“Mow-wow”

“Hissss-wow-mow”

“Meoaaaargh.”

“Meow”

“Tabby what is that noise?”

“Nothing Mrs. Human. I met Butch, the feline from over the path and he had some interesting news to tell me.”

“But I did not understand. It sounded like you were having an argument.”

“We were having a scientific discussion about the development of a tenth life and our feline burger delivery. Butch speaks Meowchong dialect, which is not the same as my dialect.”

“What dialect do you speak Tabby?”

“Macmeow of course, developing from the pharaoh days when we were worshipped as gods.”

“And meowchong is not from the gods.”

“Oh no, everyone knows that the original Tabby dialect is Macmeow. Even the famous MacDonald bird burger inventor spoke Macmeow. That’s where he got the name for his chain food emporium. By the way I heard he is opening a branch in our local supermarket.”

“But our local supermarket does not allow MacDonald bird burgers produced by felines. I have never seen the restaurant.”

“You wouldn’t. It is only open and visible for those with the nine lives. Actually Butch and I were discussing the order we placed on our pawpads. They also have a courier service. If a feline arrives at the door wearing a white hat with the inscription “Have a big Birdmac for your dinner” he will be bringing our order.”

“I didn’t know that felines eat bird sandwiched in a bun.”

“We don’t. It is garnished with catnip and packed in a crispy ………”

“Tabby, I don’t want to know. Just keep it for yourself.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Ripped from the Feline Headlines

Write about something that happened over the weekend as though it’s the top story on your local paper.

“Why are you looking so angry Tabby.”

“I am not looking angry Mrs. Human, just expressing my displeasure at a newspaper report. It says that all feline territorial rights are to be ruled over. There have been too many complaints from the humans about feline disputes and the noise made. From now on the territory belongs to all.”

“But that is much better Tabby. I am sure you felines will sort it out and will have a much better understanding. You could perhaps even from groups and join in activities like taking walks together. I am sure life will not be so hectic with all those stupid territorial disputes.”

“Mrs. Human if your neighbour decided to collect the apples from your apple tree in the garden would you be happy about it?”

“Of course not, it is my apple tree. He can plant his own.”

“Exactly, and so are territorial rights established. If Roschti walks through my territory and decides to leave a mark, we have a feline discussion and the feline with the loudest voice and longest claws usually wins. Although it might be that one of the felines manages to run faster than the other which also solves any problems of confrontation.”

“You mean when you run away.”

“Just to avoid a dispute Mrs. Human. It lays in the nature of the feline race that we establish our territory. If there are no territorial rights, there is nothing for a feline to discuss and feline life is boring. We could just as well share the mice we catch or the birds.”

“That would be a good idea. If you catch a mouse you could divide it between yourself and the other felines. Then no-one would feel left out or starve.”

“Yes of course Mrs. Human. The next time you go to the supermarket and buy a chicken, you could perhaps give a leg and a wing to the lady upstairs.”

“But then we would not have enough for ourselves.”

“Yes, of course, Mrs. Human. So please do not try to tell me how to live my feline life and I will not tell you how to deal with other humans. By the way I just read on my iPad that a human journalist that suggested abolishing feline rights has been delivered into the hospital for treatment on various scratches from felines. I think the idea has been abolished.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Now you see me

You have a secret superpower: the ability to appear and disappear at will. When and where will you use this new superpower? Tell us a story.

“Tabby, where are you, Tabby?”

“Don’t shout Mrs. Human, it hurts my sensitive feline ears.”

“Where are you?”

“I am in that nice room you have where you get the big lick from that thing called the shower.”

“You mean the bathroom.”

“Bathroom does not exist in meow Mrs. Human. Just that place with those nice solid tiled walls where I can have a quiet meditation all to myself. As they say “When the humans are away the felines will play”.

“That is not the place for a feline.”

“Everywhere is for a feline Mrs. Human, and it is nice and warm here on the carpet: even the floor is nice and warm.”

“Wouldn’t you rather go and play outside?”

“Play? I beg your pardon. I do not play anywhere, I concentrate on the purpose of a feline life an at the moment I have no interest is going outside, it is windy which will spoil my furstyle.”

“But you cannot stay here, you are in the way.”

“If you are referring to that human recycling tray, it does not bother me.”

“But it bothers me.”

“But you have a second recycling tray in that place you call shower.”

“Perhaps you could go and find a nice place in the shower, so that I could occupy the bathroom.”

“I don’t feel like it Mrs. Human. I am more comfortable here, and just close the door a little when you go, otherwise it gets draughty. I really don’t want to catch a feline cold.”

“Yes of  course Tabby, if you need anything just give me a meow.”

“Mrs. Human.”

“Yes”

“The door.”

“Sorry”

Daily Feline Prompt: If I could turn back my whiskers

If you could return to the past to relive a part of your life, either to experience the wonderful bits again, or to do something over, which part of you life would you return to? Why?

“Let’s go back to last Sunday Mrs. Human.”

“Well, that is not very imaginative. You can return to your kitten days together with your brothers and sisters, or even to your first walk alone in the garden. What was so special about last Sunday?”

“I got tuna fish of course. It’s your own fault I am not very imaginative Mrs. Human, if I got tuna fish every day I would not have to dwell on my memories.”

“But you are always fed regularly Tabby. I think we have had this conversation before.”

“Of course we have. There is not a lot of fun in a feline life at the wim of a human.”

“An there is not a lot of fun for a human waiting on a feline all day.”

“Don’t overdo it Mrs. Human. It is not all day, In between I allow you to go shopping and now and again you can read a book or watch the TV, as long it fits in with my timetable.”

“Yes, exactly.”

“I cannot have you neglecting my recycling tray or filling my bowls with food and water, just because of some sort of human pasttime. I even notice you concentrate on your computer instead of giving me a tummy tickle or a head stroke. You should get your priorities sorted Mrs. Human.”

“Oh, sorry Tabby, in future I will organise my time table to suit your needs.”

“I should think so, and don’t forget to include an extra dish of tuna during the week.I think Friday would suit me, it would break the monotony of waiting from Sunday to Wednesday.”

“But Tabby…….”

“No buts Mrs. Human. A wise human once said “feeding my felines is not like feeding myself. it matters more”.”

“I don’t think they were the exact words Tabby.”

“Exact does not exist in Meow Mrs. Human.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Idols

Who did you idolize as a teenager? Did you go crazy for Garfield? Felix, Tom and Jerry? In love with Garfield? Did you think the feline next door was the living end?

“What is that for a silly question Mrs. Human. I am feline and we felines do not idolise. The word “idolise”……”

“does not exist in meow.”

“Mrs. Human do not finish my sentences. How did you know I was going to say that.”

“Because it appears to me that the meow language has a very limited vocabulary and many words do not exist, or is it a matter of convenience not to include them.”

“Our language is developing all the time, and the dictionary is still being written. I will send an enquiry to Bastet if she wants to include the word “idolise” in our language, but there is not a great chance of it happening. All felines idolise the following: Bastet, tuna fish, catnip, birds,  mice and Henri Le Chat Noir, generally in that order.”

“Henri, le chat noir?”

“Yes, he appeals to my philosophical nature. A fulfilment of my transcendential meditation.”

“What about Garfield?”

“Mrs. Human he is not real. Sorry to spoil your dreams, but he is a cartoon figure and has absolutely no way of becoming an idol. He was only produced to satisfy the humans and make them laugh. Being a feline is not a matter of laughter, we are one of the oldest races on this planet and were……”

“worshipped as Gods? But I think you were also burnt at the stake with the witches in the middle ages.”

“Do not complete my sentences and yes, we were misunderstood. Just  because we turned the milk sour using our magic powers we were condemned, and it was all a matter of science. In the middle ages they did not have a fridge. So having explained the intelligence and necessity of the presence of a feline in the human household I will now retire to bed. Do not disturb me for next 8 hours, I may be dreaming of one of my idols, probably a nice big fat mouse.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Modern Feline Families

If one of your late ancestors were to come back from the dead and join you for dinner, what things about your family would this person find the most shocking?

“Who are you?”

“I am your great great grandfather, Killer.”

“But you are in the eternal corn chambers I thought.”

“No, today is my WordPress ascension day. I can pay you a visit. So let’s go.”

“Where do you want to go.”

“Kill some food for dinner of course.”

“No need Killer, we have it all packed nicely in plastic bags and Mrs. Human fills our bowl. Sometimes as a treat I get tuna fish.”

“Sorry I don’t quite understand. Do felines meow with a different choice of meows today? Food in a plastic bag? I don’t know what plastic is. Can you eat it, does it breathe and move?”

“No, of course not, it is what they do with it in the shop where Mrs. Human buys the food. It is easier to transport.”

“Just a moment Tabby junior, is that the food you are talking about. All small pieces, and brown. Looks like my recycling matter. No thank you, so we are now going to get some real food, just follow me. I can feel them squirming already, Wait a moment.”

“What are you doing with your paw in that hole in the ground.”

“Getting lunch, or have do the mice also arrive in plastic bags.”

“No, they still live here, but they are difficult to catch.”

“Not for Killer my girl, so take this one and here is another, a whole family. And now for desert.”

“Desert?”

“Yes, a nice tender portion of bird of course. Do you prefer wing or a leg?”

“If you ask, then a wing would be find, more meat.”

“So I think that would be enough, crows have plenty of meat on their bones.”

“But you just caught a crow with no problem.”

“They don’t call me Killer for nothing Tabby girl. In our days we didn’t play around, it was a matter of survival and we did it all without plastic bags and recycling similar food. My time is now up, nice to meet you Tabby girl and don’t forget, keep it in the family. They didn’t call me Killer for nothing.”

“Who was that big black feline Tabby, he was vey big.”

“Oh, just one of my ancestors Mrs. Human.”

“But what are all those bones doing laying around.”

“He just called in for a meal I think, although I am not sure. Anyhow he shared it with me. Mrs. Human, Mrs. Human. I think she has fainted.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Worse Case Scenario

Of all the awful possibilities, what’s the worst possible thing that could happen to you today? Now, what about the best?

“Mrs. Human, my supply tuna fish is running low.”

“I know Tabby, but it seems there is a shortage at the moment. They only expect a delivery at the end of next week. On the other hand things are looking good with the dry vitamin pellets, they have a special offer at half price. Look Tabby I bought two full bags for you, so there will be no danger of running out of your food.”

“That is not the point Mrs. Human. I don’t care if your cupboard is so full of vitamin pellets that when I open the door they are spilling out. It is the tuna fish that give me a cause in my feline life. Without tuna fish my nine lives are not worth living.”

“It is not that bad Tabby. You always have a full bowl of food.”

“It depends on what is in the bowl and definitely not some sort of chemical pellet that has an undefinable content.”

“But the pellets are good for you Tabby, they give you a nice shiny coat of fur and you remain fit.”

“That is not the point. As the famous feline computer inventor William 10 lives Gates said “Tuna fish and Vitamin pellets need each other very badly. Yes we should argue about some things but it’s not a tuna fish versus vitamin pellet thing, it’s tuna fish all the way.”

“I don’t quite get that Tabby.”

“You don’t have too, just make sure you replenish my supply of tuna fish as soon as possible.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Keeping Up with the Persian cats

Tell us about the one luxury item you wish you could afford, in as much detail as you can. Paint a picture for us.

“Meow Nera, paying a visit?”

“Yes Tabby, Bastet said I could take five and visit the old country to see how things are. Mrs. Human treating you with the required respect?”

“Oh yes Nera, no problem, although I am working on the tuna fish meal to increase it to three times a week instead of twice.”

“Good idea, we don’t get tuna fish in the Eternal Corn Chambers, but there are 50 different ways to prepare mice.”

“By the way Nera I like your portal to our world. A diamond studied cat flap. What do you think the chances are of me having one?”

“Yes, I have been given this door as recognition as I have now spent my first year in the Eternal corn Chambers with my 10th life. I am not sure if you can have one with just nine lives, although when I look at the list, you have lost a couple of lives on the way.”

“But you did as well Nera so how comes you now have a tenth life?”

“That comes with the transition to the next world. It is all thrown in as a special offer. 10 Lives, mice three times daily and of course cat nip when you need it.”

“Sounds great.”

“Yes, the main disadvantage is that you don’t have to hunt for it. It is all there for the takings.”

“But that is the dream of every feline.”

“I know, but you can’t have everything, and my paws do miss the thrill of the chase. I have to go now Tabby, Bastet is calling, she needs help with Fluffy.”

“How is Fluffy?”

“Oh very well, he just does not have the knack with flying yet, but Bastet say she might give him a couple of wings to help. He is still only a beginner up here and only has the gold cat flap at the moment. It is only the special ones that get it in diamonds. Now I really have to go, so bye Tabby, and one day you will have your tenth life, but at the moment it seems to me that you do not need it. You have a few more blogs to pen in the meanwhile.”

“Bye Nera, give my best purrs to Fluffy.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Sink or Swim

Tell us about a time when you were left on your own, to fend for yourself in an overwhelming situation — on the job, at home, at school. What was the outcome?

“Mrs. Human I am feline and avoid water where possible. I do not know if I would sink or swim as I have never tried it out and feel no death wish to do so.”

“But Tabby this is more in a philosophical sense of the word.”

“Oh I see, I am reminded of the words of Tiddles Paws Lowry, one of our great feline philosophers. He said “the feline is very resourceful, When you fight for survival, you don’t think much, you just do. If you think too much, you sink” which means if Butch, the feline next door decides to hiss and meow and show his negative characteristics, you just react otherwise there is a great chance of sinking below his paws.”

“And you retaliate?”

“Of course, Mrs. Human. I want to live, to enjoy life as the god that I was once worshipped as. And so I make my decision which leaves an everlasting impression on Butch’s nine lives.”

“You fight back.”

“Not really, I think about it, decide it would not be a good idea and run for it.”

“Not very brave Tabby.”

“Put it this way, I would rather be a living coward than a dead hero - and that is not a famous quote from one of our great philosophers, that is a fact of feline life.”

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Resolutions

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

“Mrs. Human I have resolved not to resolve.”

“A good idea Tabby, then we will have no problems together.”

“On the other hand I have resolved a few resolutions for you to maintian.”

“But they are my resolutions, not yours.”

“Just a little help on the way Mrs. Human. You have resolved to serve tuna fish at least twice a week, on Sunday and Wednesday.”

“Why on those two particular days?”

“I could do Monday and Thursday if you would prefer. The name is not important of the day, but the regularity of the tuna fish servings is important. If I do not get my tuna fish regularly I will have a vitamin deficiency, I will suffer from withdrawal symptoms. I have also resolved that you will give me a tummy tickle at least twice a day, preferably in the afternoon and evening.”

“Are you sure not three times a day, I might be able to fix a tummy tickle in during the morning.”

“No, Mrs. Human. Mornings are not a good time for tummy tickles. I am busy planning my day. Evenings and afternoons are more suitable, the tummy tickles help to prepare me for my sleep. In connection with sleep, perhaps you could organise a comfortable cushion opposite the entrance to my apartment.”

“But you already have comfortable cushions on top of the cupboard and you often sleep on my bed.”

“That is not the problem Mrs. Human. I need a place where I can observe who enters and leaves my apartment. I have to keep things under control. You could perhaps also resolve that you open the window when I wish to enter my apartment.”

“But you have the cat flap.”

“Yes, but when I enter I have to align the magnet on my collar with the magnet on the cat flap and that needs concentration.”

“Anything else Tabby.”

“That will of for now. If something comes to my mind I will tell you, no better, I will make a list on my pawpad.”

“Yes Tabby, I am so glad you have organised my New Year’s Resolutions.”