Daily Feline Post: Feline Bedtime Story

"A Felines Gide to Mouse Hunting" by Tabby Conan Feline

Not every feline knows how to catch a mouse, so those felines amongst us that have never had the privilege to devour a real mouse, this could be useful. It may also be worthwhile knowledge for our human servants helping them to understand our needs and tastes. Now and again we have to point them in the right direction. Not everything that comes from a tin is a feline’s idea of a fulfilled life. Let’s face it felines, you don’t go hunting for a tin of meat and you can’t even open it yourself. True the magical noise of the tin opener does have an effect on our feline taste buds, but we still have to wait until the opening of the tin takes place and that does draw on our nerves somewhat.

So let’s get down to the basic facts. First of all you have to go out. Mice do not slip under the door or come through the window voluntarily. For some reason they avoid us felines. The best time to find mice is in the Spring, or Autumn. In Spring they wake up and gather food and in Autumn it is harvest time and they collect their Winter provisions. For this reason you should concentrate on finding mice near the source of their food, in a field. I usually leave my home either late at night or early in the morning, depending on the weather (we felines do not like rain). Do not only rely on your sight. Our noses and ears are also to be used in the quest for a fresh mouse.

OK, just smell around until the scent of a mouse is in the nose. Nose on the ground and suddenly you will notice that the mouse is very very near. It goes without saying that we felines apply our one foot after the other sleeking walk, to avoid making any noise. Now use your sight – do not forget we are basically short sighted, so a bit of a distance is required. Somewhere in the grass your paw may detect an opening and vibrations. This being the case, you have found a mouse hole. Now feline patience is 100% required. The mouse will not commit hara karl and arise voluntarily from his place in the earth, so the long wait begins. This can be many hours. I have discovered that during the night there is no problem, but during the day my humans do tend to get somewhat excited when I disappear for long lengths of time. Time goes quickly when you are enjoying yourself.

Mice are not as intelligent as we felines and eventually they will surface. To help, it is sometimes of advantage to put your paw into the mouse hole as far as it fits. If you are lucky you will feel the mouse and he will try to escape. One way or the other the mouse will surface and now we are called to apply our feline intelligence and agility. The best method is to try and catch the mouse with your mouth. It ensures a quick demise of the mouse (it stops moving immediately and you can make off with your trophy). Some inexperienced felines find that a mouse is a plaything and like to follow it around, pawing at it when it gets tired, the disadvantage being that the mouse may gather its energy and find refuge in a place not available for cats. How often have I watched as an  inexperienced feline finds its mouse, only to loose it in a garden cupboard or in our home much to the dismay of our humans. Afterwards a chase begins through the home by the humans until they may find the mouse and hunt it away. Humans are strange animals. When I first arrived here I remember catching my first mouse and showing it to them so that they realised what a professional feline I was. They threw it away making remarks such as we do not want any of your dead mice here.

To get back to the subject, I myself prefer a quick kill. After all you have spent hours waiting for the mouse, and when it eventually gets caught, it is a shame for the concentration and work involved to just let it go again. Now having your mouse, what does every self-respecting feline do with it? Basically the idea is to eat it. Cats, do you really want to spend your life living from tinned food or dehydrated food. Organic food is always the best, even the humans have discovered the advantages. So eat your mouse and enjoy it, you don’t know when the next one will arrive. And don’t forget – there are parts of a mouse that we do not eat. The tail and its appendix are not eaten by us felines. Of course, my colleague, Fluffy, that lives with us is a sort of funny feline – has curls (calls himself a Selkirk Rex). Anyhow it seems that his mum and dad never told him that a mouse tail must remain, so he eats all, although these days he only gets the mice I leave for him (he can’t go hunting any more as he probably wouldn’t find his way back – doesn’t see anything any more)

Ok, felines, that was my idea of mouse hunting. If any of you have a better method or improvements, I would be glad to hear it and would spread the word to the other felines I know.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Places

Beach, mountain, forest, or somewhere else entirely?

“Where shall we go today Tabby?”

“I was thinking of a sleep for a few hours, who wants to go anywhere?”

“But there is Spring in the air, the crocuses are flowering and the birds are singing, so let’s make the most of the lovely weather.”

“Fluffy, I am making the most of the weather. I am sleeping, or was, until you awoke me.”

“But I hear the pitter patter of tiny mouse feet.”

“Oh, really, where, show me the way Fluffy.”

“I thought you wanted to sleep.”

“I did, but if the mice are ready to go, so am I. It is Spring, the time that the greenhorn mice are making their first little steps in the green, green grass of home.”

“That was quite poetical Tabby, sounded good, so let’s go.”

“Actually I got it from a song they played on the radio today by Cat Jones from a guy that was in prison ready to be executed and he could only think of the green, green grass.”

“Silly guy, but on the other hand it is quite logical. The mice are probably enjoying the green, green grass until we pounce and it will be their last thoughts. Look there goes one.”

“Missed it Fluffy, it disappeared in the ground before I could catch it.”

“I noticed. I will smell my way over and wait with my paw on the hole until it appears again.”

“Look there it is.”

“Where Tabby?”

“Silly felines we are. crossed the lawn underground and turned up on the other side. I will hold my paw over the other end of the underground passage and wait.”

“Err Tabby”

“Yes”

“It has appeared again out of another hole.”

“I think we are doing something wrong somehow.”

“What are you two stupid felines doing. Leave my mouse holes alone. My babies are learning the ways and have not been produced for the next feline meal.”

“Oh, Tabby, I think that is the mama  mouse and she is not very happy.”

“Yes, I am the mama mouse and leave my kids alone. How would you like it if I hunted your kittens?”

“We don’t do kittens Mrs. Mouse, not in our biological streaming programme.”

“Children, come now, and remember never trust those big four legged stupid animals with whiskers that speak meow. It is time for your guided tour of the underground mouse paths, and remember if you are ever threatened by those meow creatures, just disappear into a path and stay there until night when it is safer.”

“Tabby, I don’t think we were so successful.”

“No, strike minced mouse from the menu. And now for a rewarding sleep. Who wants mouse anyhow?”

“We do Tabby.”

“Forget it, wait until the farmer ploughs the fields, then we will pounce.”

“Oh, Tabby you are so wise.

WordPress Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Pride

When was the last time someone told you they were proud of you?

“Tabby, Fluffy, what is that photo of Bobinette doing on your pawpad Daily Feline Prompt.”

“It is all about being proud Mrs. Human and Fluffy and I cannot remember the last time when you were proud of us. We were proud of Bobinette on this action photo. Every time we bring you a token to make you proud of us, you wrinkle your nose, take a plastic bag, put your hand in it and pick up our offering and dispose of it. That is an insult to our pride.”

“No Tabby, that is not an insult to your pride, that is a human way of saying it is nothing to be proud of to kill an innocent little mouse. I can be glad the photo is not of you.”

“That wasn’t possible Mrs. Human. I have to balance the camera between Fluffy’s ears on her head before I take a photo.”

“But Tabby it was a good photo. I think the local Feline Hunting club is organising a photo exhibition for the best action photos. Do we have any?”

“I will have a look Fluffy, but I think we have one where Nera was playing with one of our meals on four paws. She looked really sweet.”

“No felines, you will not be entering any photo competitions showing dead mice.”

“She’s right Tabby.. Dead mice are to be eaten, not to be photographed.”

“That was not what I meant felines. There will be no Mouse Kill here. The last mouse you caught escaped and I spent all morning shifting the heavy cupboard until I found him.”

“That was very praiseworthy Mrs. Human, but you made a mistake.”

“Which was?”

You found the mouse, wrapped him in a cloth and let him free in the great outdoors.”

“Of course, and he ran as fast as his little sweet paws could carry him.”

“Mrs. Human, don’t get sloppy about a mouse. They form part of the balance of nature. You should be proud of our efforts to keep everything in its right place.”

I think there is something wrong with the logic of this discussion, so I decided to change the subject and fed my cats two nice dishes of vitamin pellets.

“Mrs. Human”

“Yes”

“What animal produces those pellets you keep feeding us?”

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WordPress Daily Prompt: History of Language

Write a piece of fiction that gave rise to the phrase "third time's the charm".

“That’s the way to go Mrs. Human” and Nera feline was really excited.

“What do you mean Nera.”

“Look at  the photo, our ex neighbour Bobinette caught a mouse and is deciding to have it raw, fried or grilled.”

“I do not think so Nera”. I said. “That is an older photo, Bobinette no longer lives next door, but has moved away with the humans that she owns and I do not think that her humans would actually cook a mouse.”

“One way or the other”, Mrs. Human “I am off on a mouse hunt. It is Spring and there is newborn life in the air.” And with a swish of her tail Nera went on her way across the fields.

“This looks good” she thought and pushed her paw into a hollow in the ground. “I am sure this is the entrance to a mouse hole. Miawwwwwww!” and with a loud cry she removed her paw from the ground, licking it to sooth the pain. “What was that?”

“That was me, protecting my children” said a high squeeky voice.

“Who are you? That hurt.” Nera was not very happy.

“Just call me Mrs. Mouse. My teeth have grown nice and long and sharp through the Winter, all the better for protecting my ten babies against cats prodding their paws into my home.”

Nera decided to end the conversation, her paw still throbbing and went on her way. In the distance she saw a field where the farmer was sewing the corn for the harvest.

“That looks good, I am sure the mice will be looking for their dinner in the field” and she bounced on her way to the field. That was a sight to see, mice hopping in all directions, but almost too many directions.

“I’m here cat” squeaked a mouse.

“Couldn’t be better” thought Nera, “an invitation to a meaty meal.”

Nera pounced, but remained with empty paws, her throbbing paw now hurting even more.

“No, here” said another mouse and Nera turned to pounce again. Just as she was setting for a spring in the air, she heard another mouse. “We are all here, we are all eating here” and Nera turned again and again and again until she felt so dizzy she had to stop and gather her feline wits about her.

Eventually she fell asleep, like all good felines. After a long refreshing sleep she awoke and saw it would soon be night. She decided to call it a day, tomorrow was another mouse day, and she hopped home, her paw still hurting.

“Nera, why are you limping” I asked.”

“A stupid mouse bit me, just because I put my paw down her mouse hole. After all she said she had ten babies, and could not even spare me one.”

“I should hope not they are babies and not a menu supplement for a feline. Come here Nera, I will clean your paw and put some ointment on it and bind it. How does it feel now?”

“Much better Mrs. Human, but I am still hungry.”

“No problem Nera” and Tabby her litter sister entered. “Look, you can have this one” and Tabby threw a mouse landing at Nera’s paws.”

“Thanks Tabby, where did you find that mouse.”

“Oh it just ran into my paws. You have to be quick and light pawed to catch a mouse Nera. No good if you are overweight, you do not move fast enough.”

“Are you insinuating that I am ………” Nera did not have a chance to finish her sentence.

“Nera, do you want that mouse or not, I can always find room for another mouse meal.”

“No, Tabby, keep your fur on” and Nera started her mouse meal, not even noticing that her paw was still hurting. She just thought to herself, “Third time lucky”.