Daily Feline Prompt: Feline trick or trick

Let’s imagine it’s Halloween, and you just ran out of tuna fish. If the neighborhood kittens (or anyone else, really) were to truly scare you, what trick would they have to subject you to?

“Silly question, I am a feline and do not scare.”

“You mean if I have no tuna fish left because I forgot to put it on my shopping list, it would not scare you.”

“No, Mr. Human, you are the one to be scared if you have no tuna fish. Hisses”

“Ok Tabby keep your fur coat on, I have tuna fish. Somehow it is always replenished on my shopping list, even if I forget.”

“Of course, that is because I have inserted the “replenish tuna fish” trick onto your online shopping list.”

“Oh, I see, I did not know there was a programme for that.”

“There isn’t, I wrote it myself. And now bring out the tuna fish. No not those, they are from the fresh supply, those in the cellar, the ones with the best before date that has expired.”

“But your friends are coming to paw at the window for their treats, otherwise they will trick us.”

“They will trick us in any case, it is a feline way of life.”

“Look, Butch  has already deposited a hairball on the patio.”

“He did what?”

“Tabby what are you doing.”

“I can make bigger and better hairballs than Butch.”

“No, Tabby, now Roschti is coming and depositing a hairball.”

“It’s halloween Mrs. Human, hairball fright night. Don’t worry, we exchange hairballs and bury them in the other feline’s territory. It’s one of the tricks we play. Afterwards we have a game to guess whose hairball it was and the feline that makes most hairballs wins.”

“What does he win.”

“Our respect of course.”

I have a funny feeling about this Halloween Thing

It’s not that I am superstitious, not really and I live in a country that has no halloween, so we do not trick, treat or dress up in funny clothes and pretend to be a vampire, ghoul or ghost. We carry our skeletons hidden underneath the skin. Of course, if you take a walk across the cemetery at midnight you might be surprised with what you see, but then I do not walk across the cemetery at midnight, only on an afternoon walk.

So talking of afternoon walks, it all happened per chance. Mr. Swiss had an appointment with our garage. It is Autumn and our car had to have his new feet, sorry tyres, to cope with the ice and snow that might/will appear on our roads. So Mr. Swiss disappeared with the car telling me he would walk back from the garage. The car will be ready to pick up tomorrow morning. He left me writing my daily prompt blog and afterwards I had to write the daily feline blog that Tabby was dictating. I decided that a walk from the garage would take about 10 minutes and after more than an hour I found that either Mr. Swiss had been kidnapped, had an accident or had met someone. Knowing that he was not worth the ransom money and accidents always happen by fate I decided he had met someone and gone for a walk. My legs needed exercise after my writing marathon and I wanted some fresh air, so I put on my walking shoes, wrapped myself up and embarked on a walk. And now to the mysteries. First of all I met these magic mushrooms growing out of a tree trunk. I took their photo. I was sure that they were following me with their heads as I moved further along.

And then I heard the birds, they were crows flying in formation over the trees. As I was approaching a tree on the bank of the river they landed and turned to watch me. I was convinced they were watching every move I made. A figure passed my way: an elderly short man, rather plump with receding hair, yes he was almost bald. He nodded as he passed by and I am sure I heard him say “Beware of the birds”. Yes he was a lookalike Alfred Hitchcock. I moved on and decided it was all a figment of my imagination. In Autumn there are mushrooms and the birds often settle on the same tree. It was then that I saw the lambs, or were they sheep? They were too far away, on the hill, to tell exactly what they were. I decided that a photo would be better at a closer angle and so on my return walk I would take the stairs to the top of the hill and make my photos.

I noticed that the sky was darkening due to the fact that I could sleep one hour more yesterday. I think I blogged about that, as I blog about everything. It was now almost twilight and the sky had a red glow in the distance.

I then began the ascent to the top of the hill and now the lambs or sheep were silent. They were still there and waiting. I was glad as it was a very good opportunity to take a photo or two or three. I had many steps to take in the ascent but being a fit golden oldie, it was only by the first step that I felt a painful twinge in my hip joint. Afterwards my hip decided to behave and I reached the top and there they were. I had an uneasy feeling as I took their photo. Their eyes seem to be following my every move. They did not smile for the camera, they were as silent as - well lambs, but they were sheep and silent sheep are not a good omen.

I decided not to outstay my welcome and moved on. I was not running as sheep are know to copy and they also might have started to run. I noticed they were still silent and I  could feel their eyes following every move I made. Eventually I reached the path to home. Mr. Swiss was glad to see me. He reminded me that when he arrived home I was not there, no note, no signal that I had gone somewhere. I told him I had my iPhone with me and he found I could have called him. He reminded me that when he lets me out on my own all sorts of things could happen. I could fall and have an accident. It was now dark and evening was approaching. I decided not to tell him about the birds, the magic mushrooms or the silence of the sheep. It would have caused more worry. Oh and Mr. Swiss met someone on his way back from the garage. He had taken a walk through the cemetery on his way home. There is something about this halloween thing I am sure.

Topic Generator: Inexpensive Peace

My topic generator tells me that peace is cheap. I am not so sure about that one, it seems to me that for the sake of peace a lot of people have to die, but let’s not get political. It is too complicated and we all have our own point of view. 

Something else came to my attention today, when I did my usual Wednesday visit to the local hunting grounds, know as supermarket. For some time an empty desolated tent had been constructed on the left of the main entrance. The gardening season had passed, carnival is next year and as we don’t celebrate halloween, it could not be for this purpose. Actually the local supermarket really did their best to convince the Swiss people that halloween was something we had been missing out on for the past years. Our cemeteries were quiet at the end of October and the children were deprived of tricking and treating. 

A few years ago, the idea was born in the public relations departments in the Swiss supermarket chains - let’s do it. Contact our manufacturers in Hong Kong and China and tell them to produce plastic ghosts and coffins with a hint of haunt. Sweet companies were organised to produce sugar coated mini pumpkins as well as chocolate covered vampires and skeletons or whatever. After all what the yanks can do, so can we. Unfortunately after three years of trying the Swiss gave up and left it to the Yanks. Above all they were losing money as no-one wanted or needed halloween, and the few children that ventured to knock at a door and pronounce their trick or treat threats were either sent away empty handed, or no-one bothered to open the door. No, Switzerland was no a halloween land, although on 1st November the cemeteries are full of visitors paying their respects to the departed. It is All Souls Day and the flower shops do a good trade in selling their arrangements for the grave.

But actually  I started somewhere else. On the left of the supermarket entrance, on 14th October, the secret was aired, and this is what I saw next to the tent entrance.

Weihnachtsmarkt means Christmas market. They had arrived, the father christmas, snowmen, candles and decorations for the tree. I felt sorry for the snowmen, we still have temperatures of 8-10°C and they might melt already. Perhaps  it is a good idea to start early. I do not think that my relations would appreciate receiving my Christmas cards in October, but they were also packed in neat see-through plastic waiting for a customer. Perhaps I should phone the local forest department and reserve my Christmas tree to ensure that I actually receive one. I believe there is a text “peace on earth and goodwill to men”, although I very much doubt that it is today inexpensive when I saw what they were charging for these monster mega Father Christmas statues.

I decided to leave it for the time being. First of all I have Mr. Swiss birthday at the end of October, at the beginning of December it is MY birthday, so what’s the rush. I am not sure about the inexpensive peace at Christmas, there is too much money and advertising involved.

A Halloween Story

I wrote this in 2009 but thought it would be suitable for this evening. The photo is new (did I use photoshop or not)

Dracula decided to spend the evening with the television, a nice comfortable evening at home in the castle. His life story had yet again been made as a film and it was being shown that evening. He always felt rather flattered, each film was something different. This time Flad Gritt had been chosen to play the vampire killer, one of Dracula’s favourite actors.

“What are we doing this evening Dracky?” and Dementia his wife entered the room.

“Dementia I am a count, and would appreciate being called Dracula at least, and this evening we are having a nice comfortable evening in front of the television.”

“Oh no Dracky, this evening is Halloween, it is our evening, everyone on the look out for a few horror film types like us, and we are genuine, just think of the nice fresh blood on the streets.”

“No Dementia, does not come into the question. The fridge is full of blood conserves I collected on my last night out in town. Why go to the effort of biting and sucking, when it is all hygienically packed and ready to use. I don’t like jumping on those living blood conserves these days. The human race is not as it used to be, might get some sort of disease. Deadly Ernest is not even leaving his coffin at the moment, still curing his attack of swine flu; most degrading, a vampire with swine flu.”

Dementia was not satisfied.

“But Dracky, Dracula or whatever, we havn’t been out for so long, and the taste of those blood conserves is just not the same. I even swallowed a piece of plastic packing last week. Come on Dracky, I bought a real nice costume for the occasion.”

“Dementia stop tantalising my neck with your teeth, keep them for a better purpose. I saw a cat outside in the yard. If you want something alive, then go and get it. Give me my warm slippers, my feet are cold; probably bad circulation.”

“Dracula you are becoming a grumpy old undead. If we go out it will do your circulation good, and we might even get a few treats from the living. Look at this dress I bought, isn’t it sexy?”

Dracula froze the picture on the television, it was just getting to the part where the vampire was preparing to plunge his teeth into the victim’s neck and he did not want to miss that part.

“That is a dress? How much did that cost?”

“It was very reasonable, only a couple of hundred.”

“Sorry Dementia you have been had. You paid so much for just a few black rags.”

“It’s a Halloween costume, but you being lazy, I suppose we can only watch that stupid old film on television instead of me wearing it. I don’t know what you see in those films, plastic teeth and tomato ketchup. If we go out we get the real thing and it will do you good, but take those slippers off before we go. Who has seen a vampire wearing slippers.”

OK Dementia, just for the sake of peace and quiet; flying or walking?”

“Walking of course, let’s mix with the living for a change.”

And Dementia and Dracula left the castle, but only after Dracula had dressed properly. Dementia did not like going out with Dracula when he was wearing his blue jeans and a t-shirt. She found it beneath their dignity.

They walked down the street and were soon confronted by some young humans, one dressed as a werewolf and the other with a skeleton costume.

“Trick or treat” the werewolf said.

“Clear off” answered Dracula “I am not in the mood for such stupidity.

“Dracky, be nice to the young men” said Dementia.

“Your should listen to your lady friend” said the skeleton, “otherwise you won’t look like a vampire, we will make some real blood and you will be the genuine thing, so let’s have a treat. Some money will do.”

“Please leave me alone with your threats, I don’t need money and have none.”

It was then that the werewolf and the skeleton pulled out two large knives from under their costume and attacked Dracula. They were not prepared for what happened.

“Did you see that Fred?” said the werewolf to the skeleton, “there is no blood. I stuck my knife into his arm and nothing happened.”

“Yea, funny thing Joe.”

“Oh, I see you two want to see blood, Well just let me have your neck, I have the right tools for drawing blood.”

After seeing Dracula’s grin showing his real, genuine teeth, the two yobs ran off.

“Did you have to do that Dracky?”

“What did you expect Dementia, that I would let myself be made a fool of by two dressed up living bodies. When I think of Jacko, my pet werewolf at home, he would have been insulted. Should have taken him with us.”

“Dracula you are a spoil sport. Look there are some children coming.”

“Trick or treat mister.”

Dracula was just preparing to pounce when Dementia pushed him away. “No Dracky, does not come into the question. Come here children here are a few treats for you”, and she produce some candy from her handbag and gave it to the children.

“Are you mad Dementia, that was a few helpings of fresh young blood you have sent on their way.”

“Dracky we were all young once. Don’t you remember how your parents always gave you candies at Halloween when you knocked at their door dressed up in a Halloween costume.”

“Well come to think of it Dementia, no not really. Back in the old country we didn’t go in for that sort of thing. We were more for reality.”

And our two brave vampires made their way through town, Dementia giving out her treats where she could, and Dracula trying to be good, suppressing his desire for a nice evening meal at the sight of so much fresh meat. Eventually Dementia gave in and allowed Dracula to fetch some fresh blood conserves from the hospital on the way home.

They arrived home tired and happy. Dementia was happy because she recaptured some of her childhood memories, and Dracula because he could at last see the new vampire film. He was a little bit disappointed at the end of the film. Flad Gritt killed the vampire with a nicely sharpened stake, straight into the heart. Dracula just prefers happy endings, where the vampire retires to his coffin and lives happily ever after and after and after.

WordPress Daily Prompt: Trick or Treat

If bloggers had their own Halloween and could go from blog to blog collecting “treats,” what would your blog hand out? 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TREAT.

Somewhere in a country called Switzerland there was a supermarket chain. Their turnover was lagging behind the competitors, they needed new ideas. During the summer they were successful with their ice cream, bar-b-q items, plants for the garden. The days were drawing in, the evenings were darker and the temperatures were sinking. Something had to be done to revive the buying power of the customers.

In a public relations office in the main building, Fridolin Schweizer had a brain wave:the evening before he had been watching the film Halloween with his family on the television. “That was it, our business needs Halloween”. He was sure this was the solution. The Swiss people had been starved of tricks and treats and things that scream In the night. It was time to awake the Swiss from their autumn lethargy and the sales of Halloween sweets, ornaments and plastic pumpkins would be the hit of the year. Fridolin Schweizer’s brain was overflowing with ideas. He could see the happy smiling children persuading their parents to buy, buy, buy. Visions of chocolate witches, orange sugar pumpkins, liquorice broomsticks were arriving.

The departments in the largest branches would be decorated with nylon cobwebs hanging in the corners, there would be costumes for Halloween parties. Skeletons, vampire teeth, pointed hats for witches and perhaps even severed fingers dripping blood and hands as props. Switzerland would become the most frightening country of Europe. It would be taken over by the Halloween fever.

Fridolin Schweizer convinced the management that this would be the rescue of the declining turnover in Autumn and so it came to pass that various orders were sent to buy the necessary articles for the shops in countries with such names as Hong Kong and China.

Unfortunately for the Swiss, Halloween was something strange, another import from the big country over the pond. The Swiss had their All saints Day in the catholic areas when the cemeteries were visited. Wreaths and flowers were placed on the graves in remembrance of the departed. It was far from the Swiss citizen’s mind to celebrate such an occasion. Of course the younger generation always like the idea of an excuse for a party. It was fun, but Halloween was not the event of the year.

Fridolin Schweizer had visions of children dressed up as Jack the Ripper, Michael Myers, Dracula, Freddy Krueger knocking on doors, ringing the bells of unsuspecting neighbours and threatening with tricks or treats. Unfortunately the Swiss neighbours had no idea what was going on and a hoard of young children dressed up as horror figures were not their idea of fun and there were no boxes of treats to be had. Tricks were dealt with in a negative sense, some neighbours threatening with police action and telling the children they should be ashamed of themselves.

The supermarket chain sold all the Halloween props at half price during the month of November. Those remaining at the end of November were to be bought at a quarter of the original price and Fridolin Schweizer was transferred to the warehouse.

Is this fact or fiction? A little fact, and some fiction. A few years ago there was an effort to introduce Halloween to Switzerland. The shops were selling candies, skeleton costumes, witche’s hats. There were even a few small groups of children (accompanied by their parents) on a trick and treat excursion, but no-one had any tricks or treats at home. The attempt failed and today Halloween is just something they celebrate over the pond.

This evening I will not be disturbed by any knocks at the door and might watch a horror film on the television. Tomorrow is a holiday in the catholic Kantons of Switzerland for All Souls Day. The cemeteries are full of visitors placing candles or Autumn wreaths on the graves of the departed.

You ask what treat I would leave if anyone would call. Actually my apple tree was very fruitful this year and I have a whole basket of apples, so if anyone calls (are you hearing me daily prompters) then there will be an Angloswiss apple for each of you.

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