Saturday 19 September 2015

Topic Generator: Obedient Bite


“Look Vlad, Draven has arrived home. Oh look at you, what a big boy you have become.”

“Rubbish Morticia, vampires do not grow older or big, we remain as we were bitten, but I must say he has a very nice pale complexion, and your teeth have grown to a wonderful shape. Grandfather Cosimo would be proud of you, had they not pierced him with a wooden stake. How was school?”

“Oh, great dad, we learnt a lot. Look how I can fly.”

“Wonderful, but looping the loop is not very elegant as a vampire. And how did your biting lessons go.”

“Great dad, I can show you.”

“Draven we have no suitable flesh samples to try it out on.”

“Oh mum, we don't bite flesh. Most of us are vegan or vegetarian so we are given an apple, like the one in the dish here. Look.”

“Just a minute Draven. Your mother and I did not send you to the best institute in Transylvannia to learn how to bite a piece of apple.”

“It’s all the rage dad. Our teacher,Mephistofolo said in our Obedient Bite Class that drinking blood was no longer so healthy. There are too many living specimens that take drugs, drink alcohol and do not take care of their health. It is safer to bite into a piece of fruit.”

“And you can survive on fruit Dravy.”

“Of course mum it is just a matter of getting used to it. Look.”

“Well I must say Dravy, that is a very nice bite: clean and sharp, yes I am very proud of you.”

“And I got best marks in my final exam. Mephistofolo said I could have my own coven of vampires eventually. We have even learnt how to plant apple trees.”

“Err son, I am not sure if you are on the right track. In my time the best vampires were those that collected the most blood groups. Look, here are my blood badges. We did not plant apple trees, they did not grow so well in the cemetery.”

“Oh, dad, that is so old fashioned. No vampire drinks blood these days, at least not from humans on the street. Mephistofolo said that if we really feel the desire, then we should fly through an open window at the local blood bank and take a few of those plastic pouches. We have even learnt to drink the blood through a straw.”

“Vlad, we can really be proud of our son.”

“I am not so sure Morticia, our family was more into blood farming than apple farming. It was tradition.”

“Oh, come on mum and dad, you have to go with the times. By the way I have a girlfriend.”

“A girlfriend. What vampire family does she belong to son?”

“She is in the Smith family dad.”

“I have never heard of a vampire coven with the name of Smith.”

“Oh, she isn’t in a coven, yet. I happened to meet her one evening in the local hamburger bar. The full moon was shining brightly and we shared our hamburger. She was one of those british tourists in Transylvania wanting to sample the real taste of Carpathian life.”

“And so?”

“We both tasted it together, that’s why she is the first Smith with long teeth, but she can eat apples as well.”

“Vlad, Vlad.”

“What’s the matter with him mum?”

“I think he has fainted.”

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