Monday, 5 May 2008

Back to Normal?

3 Cats waiting to go out

"Cats, can you tell me what you are doing at the window" I asked them today when I got home. All three were just sitting there as if something was going to happen.
"Mrs. Human, we were just watching your overgrown kitten going away" said Nera.
"How often to I have to say he is not an overgrown kitten, but my son, and he has now gone back to where he lives." I explained.
"Well it was about time as well" said Tabby "he was really using up all the spare room we had in our room".
"It is not your room, how often do I have to say that".
"Mrs. Human, when we cats sleep somewhere it is ours, our wonderful scent is everywhere, and your overgrown ... sorry son, just does not smell the same as us cats".
"Well I thought you were growing to like him at one time."
"Now what makes you think that Mrs. Human" said Nera.
"My son said that when he was sitting at the computer you started licking his hand as a friendly sign. He was very impressed."
"Mrs Human, did he tell you what happened afterwards?" asked Tabby.
"Yes he did Tabby, that was why I said I thought you were growing to like him. It seemed that Tabby scratched him."
"Well it was like this Mrs. Human. Nera had a lick to see what he tasted like and found he wasn't as good as a tin of tuna fish, but it was ok."
"And after I had finished having a lick I told Tabby it was her turn"
"Sorry I don't quite get this" I said.
Tabby looked at me with a perplexed expression. "Mrs. Human Nera was the taster. When she gave the ok, I sat on the settee next to your son and let him stroke me."
"Yes, I know Tabby my son told me but then he told me what happened afterwards".
"Mrs. Human I only let him stroke me to give him a sense of security and to let him relax"
"I was watching all the time Mrs. Human to see what I could learn from those two clever cats" piped up Fluffy.
"Fluffy, I don't know whether it is a good idea to learn things from Tabby and Nera."
"Mrs. Human I am their apprentice. They gave me the job a couple of weeks ago as they said when they are sleeping I can keep watch in case anything of feline interest would happen".
"This sounds like a cat mafia at home to me. My son said that Tabby scratched his hand. I even saw the scratch and it was not very nice. Tabby what do you have to say to that?"
"Well that was the idea. Nera had a taste, gave the ok and I had a scratch."
"And I was watching" said Fluffy, "it was a most interesting lesson."
"My son was not very happy with you three"
"Then it seems that Nera and Tabby's plan worked."
"What worked?"
Nera looked at me with her yellow eyes and Tabby did a couple of annoyance meows. "Mrs. Human" said Nera, "you will never learn will you, the moral of the story is that overgrown human kitten packed his bags today and left and we have our room again."
"So cats, I do not want to disappoint you but he left because he has to go back to work tomorrow and has a plane to catch this evening. And before you start rejoicing that he left because of your crafty ideas, he will be back at the end of the month for a few days again."
"Looks like the trick didn't work boss" said Fluffy.
I then watched as Nera climbed down from her pole position on the table and called Tabby and Fluffy to her. They had their noses together, but I could not hear what was being said. They then went back to their cushions on top of the cupboard for a sleep leaving Fluffy alone with me.
"OK Fluffy, if you want your normal portion of tuna you will have to tell me what sort of feline revenge that Nera is planning."
"But promise you won't tell them, I am having such fun being their apprentice".
"I won't tell them, but I expect a bit of information from time to time Fluffy. Is that a deal?"
Even I seem to be developing some feline characteristics, after all if you can't beat them, then you have to join them to stay ahead.
"Nera just told us that if Tabby and I came up with a good idea to keep the overgrown kitten out of our room the next time he arrives, she will catch us a mouse each as a reward and if I have a really good idea, I won't be an apprentice any more but a mercenary which means I will get paid for the job."

At this point I told Fluffy to go and curl up somewhere and have a sleep. I seem to have a cat mafia developing in my home.


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