Thursday, 14 February 2008

Cats and a Fish Supper

Fluffy trying to open the tin

My three cats, Nera, Tabby and Fluffy are annoyed with me and Mr. Swiss. I overheard them talking.

Nera: I just don't understand those two legged humans sometimes. It is most annoying. Yesterday was Wednesday and everyone knows that is tuna fish day. In the evening each of us get a dish of tuna fish to eat.
Tabby: I know what you mean Nera. Yesterday evening we had no fish, just the usually dry stuff which is supposed to be full of cat vitamins, the problem being you have to wash it down with a dish of water to make sure it goes down.
Fluffy: Mr. and Mrs. Human were invited to dinner yesterday evening and they didn't have time to make anything special for us.
Nera: Typical Fluffy. Humans always have to have time for us, that is the reason why we train them with our miaw and pawing exercises.
Tabby: Not forgetting a scratch and a bite now and again.
Fluffy: Well they did come back home yesterday evening.
Nera: Fluffy I don't know why you are always taking their side of things. Of course they came back, they wanted to have a good nights sleep so they came back to their beds, the only problem was that they made no effort to serve up our normal dish of Wednesday tuna fish.
Tabby: Most disappointing Nera, we have made a mistake in our human training there.
Nera: I decided to ignore them today.
Fluffy: But Nera you were sleeping all day today as usual. I don't think Mr. Human noticed you were ignoring him.
Nera: It's the principal that counts.
Tabby: Fluffy, just get one thing straight. You have to treat humans as if they don't exist. They have some sort of feeling that we cats like to be near them.
Fluffy: Well I like to be near them, they feed us and look after our needs.
Nera: Exactly Fluffy. We hang around to make sure we don't have to rely on mouse hunting or bird catching for our regular meals. Humans are a sort of tool that we need now and again, like humans that need a tin opener to give us our tuna fish once a week.
Tabby: Once a week on Wednesday evening.
Fluffy: Yes but we got our Tuna fish this evening.
Nera: This evening is Thursday and not Wednesday.
Fluffy: Does that make a difference?
Tabby: Of course it does. We are cats and have our tuna on Wednesday, not Thursday. It is a fact of life.
Fluffy: But you and Nera ate it all the same. You could have left it and not touched it, as well as being all the more for me, you would have shown the humans that you were annoyed because they went out yesterday and didn't give us our usual tuna.
Nera: Are you mad Fluffy. A plate of tuna is not to be ignored at any time.
Tabby: Fluffy, if someone put a plate of tuna in front of you on Sunday morning would you eat it, although it isn't Wednesday.
Fluffy: Of course I would.
Nera: Good, then you have understood the basic fact of cat life. Take what you can and when you can, but do it with dignity.
Fluffy: OK I understand. Now a small question. You two have not eaten all your tuna fish and there is some left in your dishes. Do you want it.
Tabby & Nera: We have had enough, you have to leave a respectable remainder to prove that you are not slaves of tuna.
Fluffy: Well, in that case this tuna slave is going to eat the fish you two left.

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