A Feline Pulitzer-winning reporter is writing an in-depth piece — about you. What are the three questions you really hope she doesn’t ask you?
“Nice to meet you Tabby and to have the pleasure of conducting this interview. My first question is how does it feel to be the owner of a human?
“No comment.”
“Then I will continue with my next question. Are you satisfied with your living quarters?”
“No comment.”
“Are there any questions I can ask where the answer will not be “no comment”.
“Of course there are. The first question should be “what is your fee for taking part in this interview?”, the second question would be “Would you like some tuna fish after we have completed this interview?” and the third question: how many lives do you have left?”
“But these are such material objects. We would like to show the psychological side of your existence.”
“Exactly, my remaining lives are all part of it. I lost one life when defending my territory against other felines.”
“What happened?”
“I lost a whisker as it got trapped in the cat flap when I escaped from my pursuer.”
“That must have been painful.”
“I bore it with bravery. My second life was lost when I choked up two hairballs.”
“But that is all part of a feline life.”
“I know, but one hairball at a time. Two were quite a hard job. And I lost another two lives upon two visits to the vet.”
“Now that is bravery in the face of the enemy. How did you manage to survive the pain and humiliation?”
“Oh, I took it all in my stride, we felines can be very brave when necessary.”
“Hello Tabby, are you finished with your interview?”
“Yes Mrs. Human, it will appear in the next Daily Feline Courier. Here is a rough draft of what will be printed.”
“But there is no mention of me and all I invest in supplying the perfect feline life.”
“That goes without saying Mrs. Human. I decided not to answer those questions, they might have embarrassed you.”
