Tuesday, 7 August 2012

United Friends Challenge #266 - The Truth about the Wolf

Celticfrog's Challenge
Rewrite a common fairy tale from the view point of the villain.
Being a wolf is not an easy life. You think so, then forget it. No-one likes you. You have a reputation of being dangerous, even a killer. You are alone in the world, so it is just a matter of I, me and myself, which brings me to the misunderstanding that has arisen over the years.

So there I was minding my own business somewhere in a dark wood and I hear footsteps. Being a wolf I have very sensitive ears and can hear a leaf fall from a tree. I hear the patter of tiny animal feet, edible animals of course, but the footsteps I suddenly heard were from something bigger. Basically I am colour blind, so forget the rumours that circulate about being attracted by a red cape enclosing the figure of a little girl. I just saw something moving and there was a confusion of smells in my nose, mainly human, but something young and crispy. .

So let’s get this straight, I did not have a conversation with her. I just kept my eyes on her and at first followed her. Another smell suddenly entered my nose, that of old mature meat, so I jumped on ahead until I reached a cottage. The smell got stronger in my nose and suddenly I saw her. An old wrinkled human, something they call a grandmother, but this was not just a grandmother, it was Little Red Riding Hood’s grandmother. What they did not tell you in the story is that grandmother was not such a harmless old lady. She was a gangster bride and was hiding in the forest from the police. Her family, the granddaughter, made regular visits with food.

What to do? Kill the grandmother and eat her was my first thought. I entered the cottage, the grandmother saw me and had a fatal heart attack. I thought fine, saved me the trouble of killing her and now I have a nice meal, although a bit tough. It was then that out of the corner of my eye I saw a small figure approaching, the granddaughter, known as Little Red Riding Hood. I decided that fresh young meat would be more tasty than a grandmother. I pushed the grandmother under the bed out of the way, to be sure not to arise any suspicion.

Unfortunately the grandmother kept her supply of whisky under the bed, the bottle fell, broke and the grandmother seemed not to be completely dead, but was revived by the smell of the alcohol. I was just about to surprise little Riding Hood with a pounce and a well aimed bite in the neck when I felt something hit my head. I can tell you I was seeing stars and stripes before my eyes, and it was all I could do to run as fast as my four paws to carry me. I turned quickly to see if I was being followed and saw the grandmother with a wooden Rolling pin chasing after me.

To make matters worse, the noise attracted the hunter and he arrived on the scene with his rifle. I was cornered, nowhere to go. I started to pray to the big white wolf in the sky to have mercy on me. It did the trick. When Little Red Riding Hood caught up with us she told the hunter and the grandmother to let me go. She had become a member of the Society for prevention of cruelty to wolves and said she would report the hunter and the grandmother if they continued to persecute me. I could hardly believe my big pointed ears. I was saved. The grandmother wanted to remain in her hiding place in the forest and the hunter decided that paying a fine for killing a wolf was not very good for his reputation.

I trotted on, but the stupid Red Riding Hood followed me to my lair. I was a bit worried, but she said I should not be afraid and she would look after me. Now she takes her daily walk in the forest carrying a basket of nice fresh meat for me, and the grandmother goes out in disguise and buys her food in town at the local supermarket.

I know what you are thinking, but honest, it is the truth.

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