Wednesday, 8 August 2012

CatPads anyone?

“OK felines, start the countdown, the postman has just rung the doorbell“ and Nera the big black furry chief cat was looking out of the window and watching as one large parcel was deposited and Mrs. Human arrived at the door to see who had called.

“Do you think our order has at last arrive?” asked Tabby, Nera’s feline litter sister.

“I am sure it has Tabby” answered Nera.

I hope he has brought the special one for me as well” said Fluffy, Nera and Tabby’s apprentice cat who was blind, but sees with his ears and nose.”

“NERA, TABBY, FLUFFY” called Mrs. Human, sounding quite excited, almost angry, yes she was very angry.

“Yes, Mrs. Human” miaowed the three felines together.

“Cats, forget those sweet adorable cat miaows. Who has been at my computer again. Since you have found out my Paypal code, you don’t even bother to fish my credit card out of my bag. The postman has brought a large parcel and before I open it I can see the invoice for three CatPads amounting to four hundred francs: two cost one hundred each and one costs double as much, two hundred francs.”

“That was the one we ordered for Fluffy. He is blind so we ordered the special execution for blind cats. Costs a little bit more, but it vibrates to make it easier to find the fish.”

“Just a minute cats, what fish, what vibrates and what is a CatPad?”

Tabby decided to answer that one, as she was more technically gifted than Nera or Fluffy.

“It’s something like that iPad thing that Mr. Human plays with now and again, but just a little bit bigger, trimmed to the size of a feline paw to make it easier to handle. We saw them in Internet. You don’t even have to upload the feline programmes, it is already installed. Just plug and play they say. The vibrating one is for Fluffy. There is a game where you have to catch fish swimming around on the CatPad. As Fluffy cannot actually see the fish, he just puts his paw on the pad and follows the vibrations. Sometimes humans can be very clever, although I believe the whole thing was developed by the feline that lives with Bill Gates, Paddy Gates.”

“Tabby, I don’t care who developed it, but no I am not paying for a cat toy.”

“Mrs. Human we do not have toys” said Nera and now her yellow eyes were flashing and she was stamping with her paw. The first stage of an angry cat. “And we are not cats Mrs. Human, but felines.”

Tabby then whispered in Fluffy’s ear and Fluffy jumped onto the parcels and started to tear away the paper packing and bite through the string. The three packets were then laying on the floor and he then tore off the plastic covering with his claws.

“Well done Fluffy” said Nera “you are learning, your apprenticeship will soon be finished.”

“Enough Nera. I now have three unpacked computer pads which I cannot return any more.”

“Plug them into the electric thing Mrs. Human the long one with room for three plugs.”

Mrs. Human gave up, three cats against one human was too much. Suddenly the CatPads were alive. Nera, Tabby and Fluffy pounced on them and started chasing fish all over the CatPads. The cats all had the hunter gaze in their eyes. Mrs. Human decided to leave the cats to their game. The damage was done, although she decided it was time to change her Paypal code. Who knows what the next order would be. An hour later she looked in to see what the cats were doing and they were still chasing virtual fish and had now found out how to upload a game with mice. This was not a healthy cat life and it was time to lure them away to the real feline world.

“Felines, it is time for food. This evening as a special treat I have opened a tin of tuna fish.”

No answer, the cats were too involved with their CatPads.

“Nera, Tabby, Fluffy, tuna fish.”

“We heard Mrs Human” said Nera “just put the three plates next to our CatPads. We will eat in between playing.”

“Forget it Nera, either food or play. I am not having tuna fish stains on the floor.”

“But you and Mr. Human are always munching something when you watch television or playing with your computers. So what’s the difference?”

And once again Mrs. Human decided that cat logic was somehow different to human logic and gave up. She did not bring the tuna to the CatPad as she knew the CatPad would probably have to be recharged soon and then her cats might, just might, find their way to three inviting dishes of tuna fish.


  1. I've found how to add and have you on my friends list! thank you :)

  2. Sadly, my cats wouldn't find that interesting. They prefer the kind of mice they can throw around and that will run from them.

  3. I have no time now to read and savour your cat tale, but I'll come back later...

  4. Hi, from another Multiply refugee - cat pads, hmmm,

  5. I didn't know blind cats could have such a helpful 'gadget'... it was worth returning back on here..