Wednesday, 16 July 2008

The Toilet out of a Cat's Perspective

Nera drinking water from the toilet

„Nera, that is not water for drinking purposes“
I was angry with my black long furred cat who thinks she owns the place. There she was in my oldest kitten’s bathroom. I mean oldest son, sometimes I think my cats are really taking over. Anyhow I watched her make a graceful jump to the edge of the toilet put her head in the bowl and have a nice long drink. First of all she ignored me as all normal cats do when the human aspect shows forth and then she glared at me with her yellow eyes looking like the midday sun.
“Mrs. Human how long have we allowed you to feed us and care to our daily needs?”
“That is not the question, Nera. I have been looking after you long enough. Your food is always there, on Wednesday you get tuna fish and there is a large dish of water for all three of you, so please explain why you are sitting on the edge of the toilet with your head in the basin drinking water.”
“Mrs. Human your biggest kitten has now gone on holiday for two weeks. With him out of the place it is much easier for me and my sister Tabby and the stupid Selkirk Rex cat Fluffy to take over a bit more territory. Big kitten does not need his shower room at the moment and you and Mr. Human have your own bathroom so we cats are just spreading a bit.”
“Nera this place is big enough for all of us, also when my oldest son is here. There is always water ready for drinking at all times.”
“Nera, what’s that two legged cat called human working herself up about?” and Tabby arrives on the scene.
“Hi Tabby, she wants to throw me out of big kitten’s bathroom.”
“Mrs. Human I don’t think that is a good idea. This is our place and if we want to spread out a bit we do. During those hot summer months we have to find other things to cool down with.”
“Tabby, I really don’t need your ideas as well. The water in the toilet is not a feline drinking fountain, understand.”
“If Nera wants to drink it why not, although I must say it’s not my taste. I prefer the puddles outside after the rain, the water has a sort of earthy taste, much more in my style of things.”
“What’s human getting worked up about?” and Fluffy arrives on the scene. “By the way Nera when you are finished with the water in the toilet, let me know, I want a couple of mouthfuls as well. Nice and cool and refreshing. Better than that stuff Mrs. Human serves us in that big metal bowl. Has more depth and taste, especially if it is laying there for a few hours.”
I was gradually losing my temper with the three cat conspiracy, although I was getting a little bit curious.
“Fluffy, what do you mean about it laying there for a few hours.”
“Mrs. Human do I have to explain everything. Humans can really be a bit slow to catch on sometimes.”
“Fluffy, I will explain, being the oldest of us three cats”


“Oldest, my paw Nera. That was only because you pushed me back when I was ready to come out. Sharing the womb with you was no fun. You was getting bigger every day and I had to move over to make room for you and the other two that were there. At last the time came when I could drop into the world, couldn’t wait for a bit of space after being cramped up next to you and just as I saw the light you gave me a push with your hind leg and jumped out. Typical.”
“Tabby I will pretend I didn’t hear that last remark, I was the first one out and enough. Those short haired tabby cats are always jealous of us black cats with the long silky fur. So if I may continue.”
“Nera looks like you will continue one way or the other and I am sure we will now hear some words of wisdom.”
“Tabby” piped up Fluffy “I think I now know why the population of the black cats was decimated in the middle ages.”
“Another remark I overheard” said Nera “although we came back again. There is no way of stopping us black cats when we start.”
“You can say that again” said Tabby, “so let us hear your words of wisdom about the water in the toilet.”
“Are you all listening, well it is like this. A toilet that is not used for some time has water with a special taste. Mrs. Human are you listening.”
“Yes Nera, do carry on, I am sure I am going to learn something I did not know.”
“OK, well you humans make a big fuss of that stuff that comes out of the grapes. You leave it for months, years sometimes and then if a human kitten becomes a human tom cat and finds a lady cat there is a big party and a bottle of that stuff is opened to complete the celebrations. At Christmas and human birthdays it is also customs to drink it. Now with us real cats it is something similar. We don’t need that juicy stuff from the grapes with a terrible sour, bitter or sweet taste as our delicate taste buds cannot recognise the taste, but water that has been laying around for a long while, such as an unused toilet or a puddle after the rain, that is our special thing and we don’t save it for celebrations. If it is there, drink it. It ripens and acquires a taste that only the taste buds of a cat mouth can recognise. The longer the better. Now that your kitten is on holiday, his toilet is not being used and the water is the best to be had at the moment. Why even Bobinette next door was asking if she could come in, as well as Mr. Grey from opposite.”
“For once, Nera is right Mrs. Human.” Tabby now took the word. “So just to let you know if they turn up this evening they would like to have a taste of the water.”
“Tabby, Nera, I would not let them in this evening. It’s Wenesday and Tuna fish day. They might not stop at the water, they might want some of your tuna fish as well.”
“Now that’s true Fluffy, why didn’t I think of that?” said Tabby
“Well I though of that of course” answered Nera “but I didn’t want to interrupt. I said they were asking, but did not say I gave them my permission. Bobinette won’t be here this evening. I heard that her humans are taking her on holiday again to the Swiss mountains.”
“I want to go to the Swiss mountains as well” said Fluffy.
Now it was my turn. I said there would be no more using my son’s toilet as a water supply when he is not here. The door will be closed and Fluffy, “Swiss mountains would definitely not be your sort of thing, you would only get lost and I had enough of that experience a couple of weeks ago. So cats understand what you drink outside in a puddle is your business and your bowl of water is also there for you, but there will be no drinking from toilets.”
“But Mrs. Human” and now all three spoke in unison
“Nothing doing cats and now go and do what you always do when you sulk. Curl up
somewhere sheltered close your eyes and have a five hour sleep. In the evening when you wake again there will be tuna fish.”
“You heard what she said” said Nera, “so we will have our sleep, but cats don’t forget, keep your ears open you never know she might forget to close the door to the feline reservoir.”


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