Daily Prompt: A Sandwich of a Walk along the River Aar

If a restaurant were to name something after you, what would it be? Describe it. (Bonus points if you give us a recipe!)

I did this one before on 23rd July 2013 and although I did not exactly give a recipe I supplied details with a photo and you know what, I am still waiting for my bonus points. I do not know to expect, something nice and tasty, perhaps a WordPress t-shirt, although they are no longer trophies to be proud of. Certainly manufactured with recycled material as everything else in WordPress, so let’s leave it. If you want to know what my signature dish is, then read it on the old rehashed prompt grid.

And now for something completely different. Yesterday I took a walk along the river Aar in Switzerland.

“Mr. Duck can you keep still, otherwise you will be blurred on my super photo.”

“Mrs. Angloswiss photographer, try to keep still in a river that is a raging torrent. Thank goodness the missus is safe with the nest and eggs in some reeds on the side. You can take like a duck to water, but if you have it raining for a whole week non-stop, then even we ducks have to fight against the current. Look at my colleagues, they are all swimming in the same direction. No chance of making a full turn and swimming against the flow of the water.”

I decided to find Mrs. Duck, but she was well hidden, although I found some remainders of last year’s reeds.

I was alone of my quest for a raging torrent on the river, although I passed a few brave souls taking a walk. One lady was on her bicycle and another was doing one of those keep-fit running things which I left behind in my younger years, although I do not remember ever running. I was always a walker. I decided to climb the steps to the top of the river bank and as a target I saw two trees where my journey was going. In the good warmer rain-free days the farmer deposits a herd of cattle around the trees, but even the cows stayed at home. Rumour had it that they refused to go out in the rain. Their food trough was still empty. As you can see the sky was in a threatening mood as it to say take your photos and go home, Noah is collecting wood for his ark.

Eventually I reached the top step and had a view across the River Aar. I was still in Feldbrunnen land where I live, but could see the village of Zuchwil on the other side. I was astonished to see a rape seed field with its yellow carpet of flowers, but with so much rain lately, everything is growing at a Formula 1 racing car pace.

I decided it was time to go home. Mr. Swiss had gone into town to deal with a quest for something. He will be going into the local clinic for a couple of days  on Friday and has a few preparations to take care of.

Today the sun is shining and the birds are singing, although it rained all through the night. It seems the rain has an influence on my plants as I seem to have a rain forest growing in my garden. I just saw a slug.

“Hello slug (they don’t have Mr. and Mrs.) how are things with you?”

“Oh, fine. It looks like it will be a good day. Water everywhere to help me on my way. I am just taking a survey of the garden, but it seems those lovely juicy plants you had last year have not grown this year.”

“Yes slug, that is correct. You ate the surviving leaves and so I decided to plant something anti slug this year. No more juicy leaves and flowers.”

“In that case I will slime my way to the next garden. The humans there may not be so cruel and heartless as you are.”

And with that the slug slimed its way on and I waved a forever goodbye. 

WordPress Daily Prompt: Autumn Leaves

Changing colors, dropping temperatures, pumpkin spice lattes: do these mainstays of Fall fill your heart with warmth — or with dread?

“No, no, no. Slugs you are ruining my poetic description of Autumn when the leaves turn from green to gold, tinged with red, blowing in the wind to make a carpet of colour on the ground. Now I have a mouldy apple with three fat slimy slugs slithering over the skin and absorbing the remains of the apple.”

“Stay cool Mrs. Human, we slugs have to eat to survive.”

“But not in my garden on my apples.”

“Would you eat an apple that has fallen from the tree. I don’t think so, humans are fussy. Our little brothers, the worms, have already done the preliminary boring of the apple and now we are eating the remainders. This is the real spirit of Autumn Mrs. Human. My brothers/sisters and I are celebrating our Autumn festival. We have been forced to feed on leaves throughout summer and not all leaves are to our taste. Mrs. Human you even killed some of the slug family by dissolving their bodies with salt. Would you like to dissolve?”

“Of course not, but I do not thrive on my plants with their beautiful flowers. You completely devoured my gallardia, there were only a few stalks left.”

“We don’t like stalks Mrs. Human. They are dry and brittle, no juice or soft parts: Nothing better than a nice thick juicy leaf, especially if it is slug friendly. We like parsley most of all and hostas, that is a feast for us. Now autumn has arrived, the leafy season has gone and we are celebrating our Autumn festival aren’t we boys/girls. It is apple harvest time, when the apples are tired from hanging on the trees and bounce to the ground where we are waiting.”

“This is all very well, but we humans also eat apples and even make pies and tarts with them. I did not plant my apple tree for a slug Autumn festival.”

“Oh, come on Mrs. Human, you don’t eat the apples that fall from the tree. They might have a brown soft spot on their skin. Yummy that is our favourite part. We can really squeeze into the apple and savour every part of its flesh. Isn’t it so boys/girls?”

“Yes boss of course. Autumn is the time of year that we all look forward to – munch, munch.”

“So do not gobble the food, eat with dignity, we are slugs and not humans.”

“Excuse me, what was that last remark?”

“Mrs. Human have you ever watched a human eating an apple. He kills it, hatches away with the things called teeth and murders it by biting large lumps out of its flesh.”

“So you want to tell me that slugs don’t have teeth.”

“Of course we have teeth, 14,000 of them in all, but they are fine and dainty. We do not chop our food, we absorb it. So enough talk, I have an apple to deal with. There are four of our kind waiting to take over when we are finished.”

“You are not going to eat the complete apple?”

“We share our food Mrs. Human: besides there is another apple just around the corner that left the tree, so I think I will slime my way over to that apple. Did you plant any strawberries this year Mrs. Human? We slugs love strawberries. They are so nice and juicy.”

“No I did not plant strawberries. I decided to stop planting strawberries as the last time the slugs ate them all.”

“Oh, I see. Never mind apples are OK. What are you doing with all those apples you are collecting in that basket Mrs. Human?”

“They are for human consumption, not for slugs. Don’t worry, I will leave the bruised apples for you.”

“Thankyou Mrs. Human, you are so kind. Did you hear fellow slugs. The remaining apples are for us. ”

And I left the Autumn in my garden, accompanied by the munching sounds of millions of slug teeth as they devoured the apples that no-one really wants. They seem to be the garbage people of my garden.

“And Mrs. Human, see you again next year some time in spring. We will be keeping our feelers crossed for a nice wet Spring. Don’t forget to plant the parsley and look after the hostas.”

You have to love them I suppose, I hope we have a nice dry warm Spring and I will not plant parsley. I will buy it at the supermarket.

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WordPress Daily Prompt: Head Turners

We often hear strange snippets of conversation as we walk through public spaces. When was the last time you overheard something so interesting, ridiculous, or disturbing you really wanted to know what it was all about?

“Yeah baby, do it again, that’s great.” “I’ll do it to you as well, stay as you are.”

I had just had breakfast in the morning, was still in my night attire – no sexy nightdress, just plain cotton in yellow and decided on a quick inspection of the garden before I began my daily chores, like playing with the vacuum cleaner and running down the computer. It was then that I heard the above conversation. This was interesting. Is someone doing something usually done discretely: no, it could not be but the aahs and ooohs were definitely coming from a corner of the garden.

I decided to investigate. I changed into my super pink plastic garden clogs to avoid spreading muck in the apartment as it had rained quite heavily during the night. It was then that I saw them. I felt so guilty watching two of a kind doing what two of a kind usually do, but stop! Slugs are not two of a kind, they are hermaphrodite, they have both the female and male equipment. At first I thought the female part was laying eggs. I decided to see what Internet had to say so I did a quick surfing exercise and saw a photo almost the same as mine.

I thought “how sweet, mother slug has just given birth and daddy slug is hugging her proud of the achievement”. This was completely wrong. In the meanwhile I heard again “You are great, and what a sexy snail you are.” The answer was “oh, this is wonderful, I could stay like this all day.”

Yes, people (and don’t tell your kids if they are under age), slugs do it just the same as we all do, but there is a small difference. What you see in this photo are two snails entwined making babies. The white jelly-similar protruberences are the snail’s dangly bits. It seems the male part of the operation is for all to see and they do it both at the same time. The fertilisation of the eggs is all done behind the scenes. Basically these two slugs are enlarging the slug population. In two weeks there will be probably about 20x2 eggs deposited in my garden to prolong the eating spree of my plants.

In the meanwhile my slug friendly plants have disappeared in the slug digestive system. There is nothing left for the snails in my garden so now they just go for a walkabout and if they meet, you can see the result. After this orgy they separated and went their own way. One slug remained and the other decided to take it easy after the exertions.

I feel a bit guilty. I was eavesdropping on a private conversation between two snails and they were having fun in the middle of a patch of snail pellets, so probably there will be no screaming, munching slug babies as a result. Not only was I a peeping tom, but also a murderer

Actually there was quite a noise in the garden yesterday evening. Due to the rainy season there were many slugs, but mostly discussing where they could get a good meal. One got quite high, he found room on the top of an ant bait container and he was hugging with all his slimy energy. I do not know whether the ant poison has a negative effect on slugs, but the opening in the plastic was not big enough for a slug to squeeze into. Perhaps he/she was just getting high. Many went for a slug flight to a patch of weeds outside my garden. My aim is becoming quite good when I throw them.

They did not let me out today so I do not have any other interesting conversations to tell, and if I did they would be in Swiss German.


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WordPress Daily Prompt: Not Lemonade

When life gives you lemons… make something else. Tell us about a time you used an object or resolved a tricky situation in an unorthodox way.

This is a so-called shield bug or stink bug and it took a walk across the cushion on a chair on the porch. Did I scream “Yuck”, no, I dealt with it my way. I fetched my super DSLR Nikon camera and took a close up photo. He did not stink, I did not have to move very near. There are always solutions to every problem.

Today we have Facebook and Facebook is teaming with problems, but not so many solutions. Girlfriends have problems with boyfriends, wives with husbands and often mothers with sons. Reading Facebook is similar to the doomesday book which was a survey made by King William I of England in 1086 of the English country. Facebook is a survey of problems, some political, some family and for a change some boasts showing how good a cake was baked, what a delicious dish someone cooked or a sample of handwork, all showing how good we are with photos of course. Many try to convince us that their way is the best and that we should ask a power above us all for salvation. You can leave it or join in. There are also discussions over political problems, but as we all have different ideas on how to solve them, it is better to leave the finger from them, it could be a cause for an argument and even unfriending. I never unfriend because I have so many “friends” in facebook I would not know where to begin and it is also a cause of despair. Why is she/he no longer my friend? No idea, you have not done any harm, but it is one of the unanswered questions, so forget it, do not do it. I really do not want to be the reason for sleepless nights.

There are other places on Internet for such discussions. My advice with the solution of Facebook comments is finger away. Just read them, shake your head and share it with someone real, living, with a body and not just a virtual form. It is much more rewarding.

I always solve problems in an unorthodox way, it makes life so much more interesting and things can only get better. This morning I had a stress problem. I arose and my first action was to measure my sugar balance, take a few tablets to ensure that I survive and then attack the computer whilst simultaneously eating breatkfast. This is the first solution to save time. Why eat breakfast and afterwards visit the computer? It is time wasting when it can be done simultaneously. There is simply a small problem with milk splashed from the cereal on the keyboard, but with a damp cloth this is also solved.

Now we are refreshed and read to tackle the daily problems. I was alone with two cats, Mr. Swiss having departed on a safari in the supermarket. Unfortunately two cats are not helpful with housework, although they have been known to lick floors clean if something appetising might be lying around. Usually their daily contribution is to curl up and sleep for a few hours.

After breakfast it was a normal cleansing operation using the vacuum cleaner and mop in the apartment. This is routine, no unforeseen difficulties and then the bathroom was visited. I used a nail brush, soap and water which is not very unorthodox. Now I was ready for action. It was 10 a.m, clean dressed and ready to go and I had to programme everything very carefully. Dinner would be served at 12 a.m. if everything went well.

First of a complete window front with frames on the Western side of the apartment was to be cleaned. This happens every two weeks, the Eastern side being completed the next week. I programmed 30 minutes. As it is done regularly this should not be a problem. I have my own devious system. Unfortunately it took 35 minutes this morning due to unforeseen circumstances (a slug had taken a walk on the glass pane). The next job was giving my orchid collection its weekly dose of water. Due to a special offer in the local orchid department of the Migros (Swiss supermarket chain) I had one orchid more, but I have a system. I now have sixteen orchids, six of which are in a waiting period until they produce flowers again. Unfortunately this waiting game is now almost a year, but what not is can always happen. Never give up with your problems, you never know. One of these orchids has now produced little shoots on the stem with leaves. As soon as they show roots they will be severed from the main stalk and planted. Another way to solve a disappointment – never forget, life goes on.

Ok, it was now 11 a.m., I had an hour until lunch was served. I began to prepare the meat. Pork chops which needed about an hour in the oven, special Angloswiss slow cooking method, coated in mustard and a special secret Angloswiss spice (also from the local supermarket). The accompaniment was saffran rice, also slow cooked. By 11.20 a.m. this was all underway. The vegetable would be fennel, but as this was cooked in the microwave I could organise the cooking at 11.50. Now I had everything under control and the finale was in view. I washed the linen from the beds yesterday and now it was to be ironed. No problem: I worked out twenty minutes. With no further explanations we were sitting outside on the porch (it was pleasant weather) eating lunch at midday, Mr. Swiss, No. 1 son and I and we were all happy.

Last week I demolished a complete 1,000,000 member ant colony with three liters of mineral water and two litres of boiling water: since I have not seen a single ant in the garden. Even the slug population has been diminished, due to a salty treatment couplead with pick them up, throw them out of the garden to land in the meadow, and a new lawn: everything under control. Yesterday evening I only saw two of the kind struggling on a slippery tile. They were quickly transferred to another place and this morning only one appeared. I think the battle is almost won, although now the colder autumn weather is around the corner, the slugs will probably commit mass suicide, but their eggs will remain to ensure their re-incarnation next year.

I really only use the peel of lemon grated in a cake for the flavour; it is too sour to use otherwise, although it can be handy for removing slug slime from the hand if soap does not do the trick.

So I have babbled along enough today. Had no great inspiration on this theme. My life is “do it my way” with a little bit of help from the others.

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WordPress Weekly Writing Challenge: The Ray Bradbury Noun Twist List

For today’s challenge, try a twist on a technique Ray Bradbury used to beat writer’s block. 

Your Mission is to write a new piece that includes at least five nouns: Garden, grass, slugs, cat, salt

Today was the day. I am having my back garden revamped. Everything is planned for an early morning start, Mr. Swiss confirming that he would be up and ready to go at the crack of dawn. I was glad. If I told you that my prize winning collection of photos have many showing the golden sun sinking slowly in the West, but none showing the rising sun in the East, you will understand what I mean. No sunrises in the collection but plenty of sunsets.

We had decided to have the grass removed from the garden as it was no longer grass but a superb botanic mixture of all plants generally qualified as weeds, although I always found daisies and clover to have a mystical meaning. The reason why fairies would definitely be at the bottom of my garden, but unfortunately due to the damp summer the slugs ate the fairies. Every evening when I entered the garden to take breathes of the scent of the flowers; I heard a fairy scream somewhere. She was being attacked again by the brute of a slug. She had no defence and his slimy body held the fairy in a tight embrace. I decided to take action.

Armed with a kilo box of salt, iodine and fluor free, I began my search for a long brown, or perhaps black, shiny body. I carefully approached the fairy killer on tip toe, not wanting to alert the slug into a quick getaway. I am no longer the youngest and was not sure that I would be fast enough to surround this killer. It had double strength being both male and female. Probably this was the reason for slugs to be so unsatisfied with their life. They did not feel that Spring was in the air, they had no reason. Their sexual needs were combined in one body. They could not even get a divorce if they were unhappy with their partner, their partner being themselves. How boring the life of a slug must be.

Suddenly another high pitched scream filled the air at the bottom of the garden. I now knew no mercy and I lifted the leaf from where it came. There it was. A long slimy slug that was about to entwine a poor defenceless fairy and cover it in slime. This could not be, fairies also have a right to live. I shook some salt in my hand and sprinkled it on the slug. The slug twitched and was then still. A pattern of white spots formed on its skin where it had been hit by the salt grains. The fairy escaped to be met by my cat Tabby who decided they tasted even better than butterflies. Yes, so is the life of a fairy, out of the slug into the cat as the old saying goes. Actually it would be out of the frying pan into the fire, but I adapted the sense of the words.

I have now used all my words, so now to tell the rest of this story full of suspense, murder and shock.

The fairies now hid from the stealthy steps of my pet cat and the slugs were slowly disintegrating in a sea of slime caused by a salt attack when the gardener arrived. As a new lawn was planned, he scooped away the old grass surface and the pools of dying slug slime disappeared as well. I again heard a few fairies scream, I think he scooped some of them up as well, but as he did not believe in fairies, he never noticed it.

To make the job worthwhile and to ensure that I paid enough, the gardener also fitted a nice stone border around the vanquished lawn and made some stone paths. I organised the stone paths for the fairies to make it easier for them to escape from the slugs and my cat, but I did not tell the gardener. He may not have believed me.

To put the icing on the garden cake, the hedge was also trimmed. Then the head chief gardener, capo di tutti gardeners arrived to tell me the bad news. It seemed due to unexpected amounts of rain our new lawn could not be delivered tomorrow. It was too wet to be transported. I must explain. We were not having seeds of grass planted for a new lawn. That would have taken two months and the fairies did not have so much time. The complete tribe would have died for lack of grass. We organised a lawn that was already grown and would be delivered in meters. Unfortunately this prefabricated lawn was now delayed and we would have to wait one to two days. I asked the fairies and they said it would be OK. I did not ask the slugs, as most of them were now liquid slime and the remainders were all standing at the edge of a barren garden where there was nothing specific to eat for slugs in any case. I had placed a line of salt around the fairy settlement to protect them from a slug invasion.

Now we have a nice border with bushes and flowers, edged with tiles and an empty barren space where the lawn will be planted. One of the disappointments in life: the gardener told me to spread anti slug pellets around the edge to keep them out. I checked the packet of pellets and it said fairy and cat friendly, meaning that the two species would have to live with the problem until the new lawn arrived.

Now I am sure Ray Bradbury never had the success I had with the fairies and I do not remember reading a book where he told us how he wiped out the slug population of a planet with one kilo of salt. He always did it so complicated with firemen and books and thermometers. I am sure a packet of salt would have done the trick. He forgot to put salt on his list. 

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A Sluggish Life

“Come on, stay together, this is group photo 2014. Slimy, Sluggy where are you wandering off to?”

“Just hold your snails boss, there is a nice patch of damp parsley in that pot over there, a lovely meal to fill the stomach. We were born to absorb, and so we absorb: quite simple.”

“Now boys, don’t get philosophical. It is not every day that Mrs. Human gathers us together for a photo. We will be famous throughout  Internet.”

“Yes and afterwards, she throws slug killers over us and we dwindle, shrink and melt. Don’t believe everything she says. Group photo my slimy feeler, it is a trick. How did she manage to get us all together?”

“That was easy, she picked us up with a piece of paper in her hand. No way she was getting her fingers sticky and threw us together. I don’t think she likes us.”

“You think so Sticky?”

“I am sure boss.”

“I will think about it, but in the meanwhile be ready. She is saying smile, so let us give her a big smile for the photo.”

Yes I saw them gathering in my garden for another feast. It had been raining non-stop for two days. It was ideal slug weather. They were sleeking one after the other through the grass, aiming for my herbs and a few other slug-friendly plants. There were slugs all over the lawn. I decided on an action plan. I took some kitchen paper and picked them up one after the other and formed a group on the patio. At first they curled up, but when they saw I had the camera in my hand, they became inquisitive. I took some memorable photos to celebrate the evening when I captured the slugs. Some of them tried to escape, but I followed them dauntless. They had no chance and then I pounced with a fresh packet of anti-slug pellets. It is believed to be a kind way to kill them. I decided on this method against the old method of using salt to dissolve them. I would not appreciate having acid thrown at me and I am sure the slugs were grateful for a humane treatment. Two slugs escaped, but the rest were still smiling for the annual group photo.

I was now happy to know that my herbs would survive. The next morning I found recognisable mouth prints in some leaves and I knew that I had not won the battle. The next evening I saw them slugging their way again through the grass, aiming for the chives. I decided to let them live. The weather had changed; we now have a heat wave, sun beating down all day. What the pellets do not achieve, the sun will.

“Never trust a human Slimy, get away while you can. My minutes are numbered the dreaded blue pellet death is upon me, but rest assured my children, all one hundred of them, will avenge my death by pellet” and with that the boss breathed his last breath, together with many other warriors. Mrs. Human strikes again but the slugs, they will return.

Here is Slimy celebrating his newly found freedom back in the lawn.