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Friday, 22 May 2015

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Encounters from Outer Space

The friendly, meow-speaking extraterrestrial feline you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

Sphynx

“That is not a difficult question to answer is it Fluffy. We just tell it to get lost, move on and go back to where it came from.”

“Of course Tabby, as if we felines would accept something that did not smell like we do.”

“Of course when you go into it, we are all extraterrestrials I suppose. The origin of the feline species is not of this world. Being gods, we originated in another place.”

“Tell me all about it Tabby, I love hearing stories of how great and intelligent we felines are.”

“Fluffy, they are not stories, it is the truth. Originally we felines had our own planet, known as Koshka, but our great leader Bastet I found that we should visit other civilisation to spread the feline word and collect some more territory on the way. It was then that we beamed ourselves onto the planet Earth and what did we find? Bastet I sent us with his daughter, Bastet II. She was wise, and we landed in a country on the primitive planet Earth where the apes had descended from the trees and could even walk upright. They were the ideal slaves. Bastet saw our advantage. Our main diet on Koshka was mice, rats and anything that moved on four legs and was not a god.

Planet Earth was perfect. Not only were there rodents in abundance, but the primitive humans would eat corn which was a main part of the rodent food. Unfortunately the mice were eating the corn and so Bastet II organised the felines to take over and rid the corn chambers of the mice and so we were recognised as the gods we were by the humans. They went on their knees to thank us and carved statues of Bastet II in honour of her great deeds.

Luckily this was spread to other countries that felines were the solution to all problems. With the years we let the humans get on with it. If you need a mouse you can always find one, but in the meanwhile the human brain developed, under the influence of the feline gods, and they were trained to feed us, to care for our needs.”

“Why are we still on earth and not on Koshka Tabby?”

“Do you really want to return to a planet full of felines with no humans that know how a tin opener works?”

“What about Bastet II?”

“She is still here keeping an eye on the human breed and our tenth lives. Her daddy Bastet I is on Koshka. Now and again Bastet II sends a shipment of tuna fish tins by transporter to Koshka.”

“But how do they open the tins on Koshka.”

“It’s called evolution Fluffy. The have moved on on Koshka and open the tin by telepathic waves. I think it has something to do with the atmosphere on Koshka.”

“Is that really true Tabby.”


“Of course, it stands in the book of Bastet somewhere, but I cannot remember on which page.” 

Daily Prompt: Worldly Encouters

16.5.2014

The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

Stork in flight

“What was that noise outside in the garden. Sounded like something fell.”

“Hello Mrs. Human, remember me, I am Bog from planet Flum. I paid you a visit just over a year ago, so I decided to bring the family, they so want to meet you. Here is Flog, Flig, Flug and Flag, my four little Flumes and may I introduce the wife, Jubbly.”

I rubbed my eyes to see if this was true and saw them, each child resembling a copy of the father, with their three eyes. The wife, being feminine, had two mouths.”

“This time we are a couple of weeks later as I thought those dandelion balls would be finished with their fluffy stuff. I remember suffering from running eyes for a month after my last visit, and Flum months are longer than Earth months. I didn’t think I would be lucky enough to be able to visit again, but it seems Earth loves repeats.”

“Oh yes, they happen all the time in my part of the world, it is almost an addiction for some. By the way is that your space ship circling above us. It very much resembles a bird that we know as stork.”

“Yes, it will stay until we leave. Storks love bringing things, it is in their training.”

“I actually thought they were an earth bird.”

“No, not really, but when our ancestors made the first visits some of them bred on Earth and remained. They had to lose the habit of bringing stuff, otherwise Earth would have suffered from over population. All those earth babies dropping from the sky wrapped in sheets!”

“Oh I see, yes it used to be like that, but now we do it all ourselves.”

“So do we Mrs. Human” and Jubbly spoke with a dreamy look in her three eyes, although having two mouths there was a curious echo to her voice.

“You have four lovely children.”

“They take after their father, although I could do with some vocal support now and again. Flog stop playing with that pointed thing, you might injure youself.”

Flog had discovered my cutlery and was chopping his fingers off with a knife. It was no big problem, they just grew again and the cut off pieces just seemed to disappear in the earth in the garden.”

“Doesn’t that hurt him?”

“No, it happens all the time on Flum, especially when he has a fight with a Grongle tube.”

“A Grongle tube?”

“Yes, they are everywhere on Flum and of course, they have to eat something to survive. It is a recycling course of nature we have.  Flog put those chopped off fingers in you pocket and children help Flog to dig them up. We don’t want them being left on Earth. A Grongle might develop and Grongles are not Earth creatures. We have to keep everything in its place on another world.”

I was glad that Mrs. Jubbly Bog was so environment conscious. It was then that she took a strange looking  green tube from a fold in her hand. After chewing on it for a few minutes she seemed to have swallowed it.”

“Don’t worry Mrs. Human, we brought our own food with us. It was a Plongle, forming our main diet on Flum. They are very handy, full of the vitamins a Flumeranian needs to tie him over for a few moons and we produce them ouselves..”

And then I noticed that the complete family were chewing on these things. I decided to change the subject.

“How are you and your family progressing with the suggestions I made to Bog about Earth books and television programmes.”

“They were quite good, although a little complicated. The children have now discovered an earth TV person called Miley Cyrus and they find her physical exercises exactly what a growing Flumeranian child needs. See how well they can do it.”

There was then a demonstration of four Flum children all twerking together with Bog clapping his hand to keep the beat and his wife, Jubbly whistling through her two mouths a strange tune.

“What do you think Mrs. Human? Our kids and Mrs. Jubbly are the hit of planet Flum and their tune is now No. 1 in the Flum hit parade. Do you think we could take this Miley Cyrus human back with us, she would be a sensation on Flum.”

“Although there are many humans that would like to see her depart from our planet, I do not think she would be very happy on Flum. Her diet would be a little different to eating tubes. She is more into human food, like meat and salad.”

“Oh, we heard that the Earthlings eat organic matter. That would not be so good we are not so keen on the cannibalistic way of life on Flum.”

“But you eat that tube stuff, don’t they live.”

“No of course not, they are only there to be eaten, that is their purpose in their un-lives.”

There was a rap at the door. When I opened it there was a very impatient stork standing there.

“Time to go Flum family. If you breathe more of this Earth air you might turn into an Earthling.”

“Thankyou for having us Mrs. Human, we will visit again next year if they allow us another reapeat.”

“It was nice to see you all, so same time next year, I am sure you will all be repeated again.”


Thursday, 21 May 2015

Daily Feline Prompt: Lingering Felines

Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times? Why do you wish you could linger forever?

Nera drinking water from the toilet

“Nera loved to linger didn’t she Fluffy?”

“Oh yes, Tabby, especially in the human recycling tray. That was her favourite place.”

“Mrs. Human was not so pleased, although as usual Nera was not the same opinion.

“We felines do not have same opinion especially human opinions. “Do what you want to do, not what you should do” (Book of Bastet, chapter 15, verse 1).”

“I remember a conversation she once had with Mrs. Human, whilst she was sampling the fresh, cool water.”

“What do you think you are doing Nera, that is not a water source, that is our toilet.” 

“There is nothing so fresh, so cooling to the feline fur than a human recycling tray with a constant supply of fresh water.”

“Nera we call that the toilet, it is not a feline water bowl.”

“Toilet does not exist in meow.”

“I know Nera, perhaps you could compare it to your feline tray for your recycling process.”

“But there is no clumping sand in this toilet thing, just permanent, fresh water, quality grand cru.”

“Of course Nera was right, as she always was. The humans constantly renew the water in their tray, it is always so fresh. I have often tried it myself when Mr. or Mrs. Human might forget to cover the source with that lid thing.”

“But Mrs. Human notices, because she says you leave paw marks on the nice clean lid.”

“Of course I do Fluffy, I have to mark my territory.”


“Those humans can get really fussy, they just want to keep that first class water for themselves, typical.”

Daily Prompt: Linger

17.03.2014

Tell us about times in which you linger — when you don’t want an event, or a day to end. What is it you love about these times? Why do you wish you could linger forever?


I linger daily on the daily prompts, but I long for the event to end so that I can do something completely different and new. In the meanwhile……

Iris

I lingered in my front garden last week and discovered that my iris was again showing its flowers. I was delighted with this opportunity to linger with the camera. It was 17 years ago when we moved to our ground floor apartment, complete with two gardens which were covered in grass. I think it was grass, although it was not a happy grass, especially when the clover slowly thought about taking over and so in my pre golden oldie action years, when I could still move my limbs, I decided to turn this garden into an example of the Royal Chelsea Horticultural Show. One of my first purchases were a few tubers of Iris. As time passed, the iris were moved a few times and eventually decided to settle in the middle of a border and so they grew, and grew and grew. As you can see my original four flowers have multiplied, become fruitful and expanded. I love plants that appear regularly. They give less work and are more considerate on the ageing joints and above all they linger.

I have now lingered enough on my iris plant, so will move on to another aspect of my lingering. I like to linger in bed, especially after lunch. After a cup of tea and some Swiss chocolate I make my way to the bedroom and the linger sojourn continues for a couple of hours. Unfortunately this blissful lingering session was disturbed today as it is Thursday and I clean the shower on Thursday. After lingering in the shower - no enough lingering, that was work making my tiles shine again by removing the traces of limescale -  I am now writing another prize winning suspicious prompt.

I am convinced this prompt was designed for golden oldies who linger everywhere. Go to the supermarket. You cannot move quickly to hunt down the various food items, there are always groups of golden oldies talking about their complaints and the price of food and causing an obstruction on the lingering shopping paths. Yes, lingering seems to have become their hobby. 

Of course I wish I could linger forever, especially when I take a walk with my camera. Cameras are built for lingering, you cannot pull them away from the subject they have trapped in their lens.

“Mrs. Angloswiss wait a minute, I want to take a nice closeup of that spider. Perhaps you could sink onto your knees so that I can capture all the details.”

“No camera, if I sink I will have problems putting myself again in an upright position again. You will have to be content with a aerial view.”

“But all our photos are aerial views. If you would only kneel and hold me tight and steady, we would at last win the Pulitzer prize together. You just have to twiddle the lens to get a nice sharp close picture.”

“No, definitely not. I am not going to accept our deserved prize from a gurney, which will be the result if I bend to eye level view.”

These cameras really think they know it all. 


And no, I do not have a death wish to linger forever. That time will come one day and then I will not have a choice, will I? I will not be able to make a decision about an event or day ending, it will be the eternal lingering days. You might see me appearing on your computer screen, a little faint, almost transparent, but i will be there. I will linger in your bytes, on your prompts, perhaps even in your files. An invisible hand will guide yours over the keyboard. That might be a time when I wish I could linger forever. I could even curl up on the top of the terminal and watch your movements. These prompts do get silly now and again. I think I will now linger with my iPad and read a book.

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Cure

If you could create a painless, inexpensive cure for a single ailment, what would you cure and why?

Front Garden May 2015

Can you see me Fluffy.”

“Where Tabby? Don’t ask silly questions. I do not see anything, but I can smell you and my whiskers are vibrating, so I know you are here.”

“Mrs. Human was taking a photo of the garden yesterday, but as usual I was there to spoil it. I wonder if anyone can see me on the photo. Extra kudos points for finding me.”

“Tabby, forget it. That extra kudos stuff was never any good. How many feline prompts have we done, just for the reward of something more? The people organising those prompts are humans and humans continuously make mistakes.”

“I suppose they do, but they do not realise it. It is a permanent condition of being human I think. Perhaps we would create a placebo to cure being human.”

“Not a good idea Tabby. They would probably forget to feed us, give us fresh water and our trays would begin to smell because they would not empty them. We have programmed humans since Bastet moved in and said in her book Chapter 1, verse 5 “humans are a lower form of life born to serve the feline species.They cannot meow, but have other qualities. They can open tins of tuna fish, they can deal with our recycling problems and they are not scratch proof if we have to remind them of their purpose in a feline existence.”

“In that case no placebo for the human factor, just a scratch, hiss and loud meow.”


“Exactly Tabby, who needs a placebo, humans are incurable.”

Daily Prompt: Placebo Effect

3.11.2013

If you could create a painless, inexpensive cure for a single ailment, what would you cure and why?

Roses on the table in the front garden

I saw these roses in the local supermarket for mother’s day. They were quite expensive in their pot so I decided a little patience would be rewarded and it came to pass that when I visited the supermarket on the Monday after mothering Sunday they had been reduced to half price. Clever me, realising that some mothers did not receive roses and so I bought them. Admittedly some of the flowers are pass their prime, but there are buds hovering beneath the flowers waiting for their chance in life. Fed with love and care and enough water, they will rise again.

“Good idea Mrs. Angloswiss, but if everyone thought like that then I would be out of work.”

“Did someone say something? I hear a voice that sends shivers along my rheumatic pains.”

“Yes, I did. Who do you think you are playing with fate. Since mankind exists it has been my job to deal with death, and now you want a remedy against it. Just imagine the overcrowding, for something I am here.”

“Ah, look who has turned up. The guy with the agricultural tool in his hand and leave my roses alone. Got some fields to reap?”

“You bet I have, but not flowers, it is the purpose of my existence.”

“You exist, nice for you. Do you think that fair, you existing and causing others not to exist?”

“It’s my job. I have been doing it since the world began. Imagine if I didn’t bother. Your world would have overpopulation, the place would be crowded, there would not be enough food for everyone.”

“Sorry mate, but we do have overpopulation and some people in some countries do not have enough food. You know, like famine where the crops don’t grow and people die of hunger. I don’t even think you can invent a medicine to cure that.”

“I still have my work to do. That is not my job, that is the famine department.”

“And you think that qualifies you to walk around in that long black cloak with a hood making your face fall into shadows. Grow up mate, do something about the state of the world instead of looking like something from a horror film.”

“I am the Grim Reaper, it is my purpose in life/death and I really don’t think you want to see my face.”

“You have a face?”

“Not quite, let’s say I have the bare bones of a face, ho, ho, ho.”

“Stop making silly jokes. What about pestilence? Is he around as well.?”

“No he is taking a break, he has run out of good ideas. The humans are getting on with it quite well on their own. Nature gave up a long while ago in keeping a balance. Of course my colleague War is quite overworked at the moment and that is where I come into the solution.”

“How comes?”

“I tidy up the mess he makes. And now I have to go, we have a meeting tonight.”

“You have a meeting? To find a solution to the human problems?”

“Not exactly, even we have to take it easy now and again and we just leave things to the hands of the human race. They do not really need us, they can mess it all up on their own. We are meeting for a game of poker. The winner takes all.”

I decided this conversation was becoming a little eerie and returned to my roses which needed some water. Unfortunately there are some things in this world that not even water, or a placebo can help.