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Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Daily Felne Prompt: Fool me Once

It’s April 1st! Pull a fast one — publish a post that gently pranks your readers.



Tabby


“Tabby, stop fooling around.”

“I am not fooling around. I am very serious. I am slowly arranging a comfortable position where I can concentrate on my Zen feline thoughts. It is a matter of a life style of rewards.”

“I thought the only rewards were something to eat, like tuna fish, birds, mice and a nice juicy butterfly.”

“Fluffy there are other things in life than food. What I am doing is food for the mind. I am feeding my brain cells, encouraging them to develop and that needs concentration.”

“Oh, I get it, that’s the daily prompt today. You are fooling us all.”

“I am not fooling anyone, this is serious. The humans are fooling us with the prompt that never was, but I will not be lead into such foolhardy paths. Fluffy, it would be good for you as well.”

“What would be good for me?”

“A little feline meditation. Just relax, no not like that, you have to expand all four paws, trying retracting them and releasing them again.”

“Like this you mean Tabby. Oh, I just noticed something.”

“Do not interrupt the thought stream. What is wrong? Where are you going?”

“My third claw on my front right leg needs shortening. Will be back.”

“So and now.”

“I sharpened it on the table leg and now it is perfect. What do I do now.”

“Fluffy, concentrate. This is not the game where we paw the ball around. We are serious. Breathe deeply, concentrate on something important and let your thoughts go with it. No Fluffy, you must not move.”

“But I am concentrating on that fly over their and going with it.”

“Not in the body Fluffy, in the mind. And now we will chant. Meowwwww, Meowwwww, Meowwww.”

“I can do that Tabby, how do I sound?”

“Not too bad, but you should lower your meow into the purr regions, and now follow me. Purrrr, purrr, purrr, meowwwwwww. and sway your body to the rhythm.”

“If I meow and purr I cannot sway.”

“It needs practice Fluffy, but you are getting there. And now open your eyes with regular breathing movements and look around you.”

“Fluffy, stay here, we have only done stage 1. Stage 2 is when your spirit leaves your body for higher places.”

“No interest Tabby, a bird just flew past my nose.”

“How do you know, I thought you was blind.”

“Tabby the mind sees with many eyes, some call them nose and others ears.”


“You know, I think Fluffy has learnt something today. Must sleep it over for a few hours. Meowwww, purrrr, meoww…….”

Fool me Once

It’s April 1st! Pull a fast one — publish a post that gently pranks your readers.



Wordpress april fool

Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho LOL, ROFLA etc. etc. You are not laughing, of course you are, just let it go and laugh. It is hilarious, the prank of the year. 

I switched on my computer after a period of bliss, a golden oldie sleep, expecting the same old newly rehashed prompts and what did I see. There was a new, living prompt, never seen before. I had to blink a few times, not realising my luck but there it was. And the joke is on me, or us, I think. I am still trying to work it out.

There was an invitation from Word Press on their grid to pull a fast one, and so I am now pulling it, I think. Or is the joke on me/on us. I had tears in my eyes from laughter, it was so funny. Unfortunately there is a narrow line between laughing and crying and I am now somewhere in the middle, but it can only get better.

Daily Prompt has pulled one on us, it has risen from the dark dungeons of the happy hunting grounds of daily prompts. Not only do we have a new prompt, never been seen before, but it is on the grid. On the grid? Yes, well it is on the grid, but unfortunately no-one believes our luck, no-one has up to now written a contriubution (I pause to utter a few laughs), but I am writing a contribution to this newly born item in our grid of Daily Prompts. It is Spring, the time of awakening, everything is blossoming and growing. La la la, oh to be in prompt land now that Spring is here.

Sorry, the excitement is climbing to my head, I still cannot believe my luck. A new daily prompt on the grid, blossoming and flowering and expanding and reminding us of the days when we had a real daily prompt, something to get your keyboards into, a purpose in our bloggy lives. I hear voices of uncertainty, of doubt. You say the gird is not working, it has “0” responses. That must be a figment of the imagination or perhaps a touch of nostalgia. Of course it is working, you just have to believe. When daily prompt says we are back with something new and surprising it must be true.

“You said something sir”

“No-one has written anything, The grid is empty.”

Just a figment of the imagination. When Daily Prompt says it it working, it is working. Let us all enjoy the joke together. There are paper handkerchiefs just at the side of the daily prompt for wiping the tears of laughter from your eyes.

“They are real tears madam, tears of frustration.”

Yes, you cannot please all of the people all of the time, just a chosen few, although I have a strange feeling. After refreshing my daily prompt notification page at least ten times, I still have the round “0” showing nothing new. Come on daily bloggers, do not be shy. I know it is something completely different. You just have to get used to it again, writing about something new, something completely different.

“We think you need new glasses, there is nothing new. We all have to go to the reader to find something, The new written prompts are not appearing on the grid.”

Why are there so many doubters amongst us? Why have so many of my disciples, followers, daily prompt contnributors, lost the belief in the daily prompt?

“Of course we believe in the daily prompt, but it become increasingly difficult to believe in something that is no longer there. Angloswiss give us guidance out of this morass of misguided prompts.”

Am I Bill Gates, do I know the answer to all our problems? You have to believe and then it happens. I will now upload my contribution to this new and wonderful invigorating Daily Prompt.

“Angloswiss you are pulling a fast one on us, there is no functioning Grid to show your daily prompt contribution.”


Then let us just pretend that it is there, or have a look in the reader. After all I am just pranking around (or are WordPress)?


Tuesday, 31 March 2015

The Blacklight Candelabra: Re-Incarnation

This week, you can write about yourself, someone else, or a fictional character.  Whomever you choose, that person is going to die twice in your post for this week’s challenge.



Weissenstein

Part 1
“It’s cold” thought Tran the hunter “and I’m hungry” and so he plodded upwards over stones ignoring the vultures circling over his head.

“They can go away, they are not going to get a meal from me.” He flapped his arms as they drew nearer and then he saw it, slowly pacing along over the ridge. A nice fat juicy goat, one of the big goats and he aimed with his slingshot.

“Ug” jumping up and down, straight between the eyes. He was shouting his words of happiness, at last food. He walked closer, it was not moving, an instant death. “Lucky goat and lucky me”. He thought of the many kills he had made where it was not a kill, but a slow following of the victim, stalking his prey until it eventually fell with glazed eyes and lack of breath, dead. If I was lucky. it died in a place where he could truss it up and carry it over his shoulders. If he had misfortune the animal would stumble into a crevice, or the worse case die on a high ridge.

He got to work, skinned the animal first of all. “At last something warm to wear in the ice days” he thought. He pounced on the meat and tore a few mouthfuls off the bones. This was luxury, his first kill after two days. 

Then he heard a faint rustle and they appeared, probably smelling the scent of warm blood in the air, their sabre teeth reflecting in the sunlight. They were not fussy if it was man or goat, they had cubs to feed and kill was their motto.

Part 2
Wilhelm was happy, his house was finished at last. His brothers had helped him to fell the trees in the forest. The had built a solid wooden chalet to accommodate Wilhelm and his family at last. The first night in the house was disturbing, but Wilhelm blamed it on too much ale, too much to eat and everything that belonged to a family feast to commemorate a new house. He twisted and turned in his bed, Heidi was sleeping. He descended the stairs to the living room and heard noise coming from the cellar. This could not be. The dogs were in the kennel outside and the cats sleeping in front of the fireplace. He ventured into the cellar, where the woodpiles were ready for the Winter.

He saw a figure, at least a head poking through the floor, although somewhat misty in outline.

“What are you.”

A weak sigh answered. “I am the same as you.”

“That cannot be, although your hair has the same red colour as mine. Are you human?”

“I am human, see my body” and the figure rose from the floor and Wilhelm now saw it in its full size.

“You have a name?”

“My people called me Tran”

“Your people?”

“This is our land, we hunted it until it was empty and spread to the heights.”

“You mean the Tafelspitz, our mountain.”

“We call it the pointed demon, where the mountain spirits live.”

Wilhelm pinched himself, was he dreaming. He had no fear of this transparent ghostly shape. He saw visions of sabre toothed tigers pouncing, tearing flesh from bones and leaving just a skeleton with a crop of red hair on what was a skull.

He awoke in the morning with a feeling we would call “déjà vue”.

Part 3
“What is the problem, why has the work stopped?”

“I think we have found something boss. Looks like a skeleton.”

“We do not have time for skeletons.”

“But it is deep down.”

“Of course it is deep down. We are building a tunnel through the alps, not a cable car to reach the top. OK, men, take a break. I will have to call the experts.” although Fridolin had a strange feeling. The skeleton had a shock of red hair on the head. Some things disappear through the ages, but hair remains. He remembered seeing many old skeletons in the bone houses, and they still had traces of hair.

The archaeologists arrived and took over, although Fridolin often took a quick glance over their shoulders.

“Found anything?” he asked.

“We have found plenty, but this one is from the pre ice age. He must have wanted to be found, laying on the exact path of the tunnel. Has a nice crop of red hair on his head, something like yours.”

Fridolin felt a shiver go through his body. There were some things better not said, but just remaining as a thought.  Why did he feel linked to this morbid discovery. That night he left his bed in the neighbouring sleeping quarters for the building troop and took the lift down to the tunnel where the bones of the past had been found. 

He saw them. Two men, one clad in a crude leather cover, one dressed in the hunting clothes of the middle ages, but both with red hair. 

“We are one, but three” the two men said together. 

And Fridolin knew the truth. He was the third man.


“A few months later Fridolin returned to his family for a well earned holiday. He was glad to see his wife again. His little red headed boy ran to greet him.

Daily Feline Prompt: Feline Tagline

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if felines did, too? What would your tagline be?



Easter bunnies

“Rabbit, definitely, that’s the thing I like about Easter, it is all rabbit and chicken.”

“Meaning what Fluffy?”

“It’s obvious Tabby. None of those boring vitamin filled pellets, but something we can really get our teeth into it.”

“I don’t think so Fluffy. I don’t want to disappoint you, but the only bunny rabbits Mrs. Human will get are the ones made out of that chocolate stuff and as far as chickens are concerned, forget it. I think she is planning a Chinese Chicken dish at some time and that will be accompanied with strange spices and vegetables.”

“Oh, and what about us?”

“Unless you like to eat eggs for breakfast, I do not think we will be sharing in this Easter feast.”

“Eggs? What do you do with eggs.?”

“I remember in my kitten days I would paw them around on the floor if I got one, but that was replaced with a human feline toy known as “ball” and I would roll it around on the floor.”

“I remember Tabby, I had one too and it had a distinct strong flavour of catnip. Oh, they were the days, not only something to play with but we got high on it as well. So what’s left for us on this Easter thing. I don’t remember Bastet mentioning it in her book.”

“Of course she didn’t, she had other things to do, although many of us celebrated our removal to the world of Bastet as a side dish in the pyramids. They are the chosen few that sit on the council with Bastet.”

“Something like Nera?”

“Not exactly, she is helping to organise it all.”

“Hi felines, how are you keeping.”

“Hi Nera, paying us a visit.”

“Yes just for a few moments. Bastet said I could do a sort of re-incarnation, after all it is Easter.”

“I didn’t think we did Easter.”

“We don’t, but Bastet found it a good opportunity for a re-appearance. Look I brought you something. We had an excess of mice in the corn chambers.”

“Oh thanks Nera that is great. At least we have something special for Easter, I love corn chamber mice, they have more fat on them.”

“OK, bye felines, have a nice Easter. I have to go. I can hear Mrs. Human and we don’t want her to faint again when she sees me. She seems to have an allergy towards semi transparent black cats.”

“Bye Nera, see you again sometime.”

“Did I see the glimpse of a black feline, a sort of Nera lookalike, although transparent.”

“No Mrs. Human, must have been your imagination.”

“Tabby, she fainted.”


“No problem, Fluffy, just a human reality problem.”

Tagline - just tagging along for the ride

Often, our blogs have taglines. But what if humans did, too? What would your tagline be?



Hyacinths 2015

“Spring is in the air”

“Then help me up, I don’t feel like I am in the air, someone pushed me.”

“Who said that?”

The blue hyacinth on the right, I was blown over by the storm.”

“Oh, I didn't see that, but I am sure you will survive.”

“The way that wind is blowing and the rain is falling down, I do not think many of us will survive.”

“But you will return next year.”

“Forget it Human, you just do not want to get your feet wet.”

So what could I do? I waded into the dirt and strung it up to the nearest hibiscus twig I found and now my hyacinth is happy again.

Yes, the week before Easter and it looks like that Armageddon is making its way over Switzerland. Only last week I was marching on fresh paths between gravestones (at the local cemetery) and on river banks (taking photos of ducks and swans) and now this: dark skies and high winds. One advantage is that I do not have to give the garden its daily supply of water, nature is doing it for me in abundance.

It is the week before Easter and a certain amount of planning must be done. We do not want to starve but there will be a Friday and a Monday that supermarkets and other public rescue stations will be closed. Now that we are golden oldies, we would now be the ones that are invited I suppose. I remember the days of four children and golden oldie relatives that were all sitting around my Easter table being served. I am not unhappy. It is now just me, Mr. Swiss, a son and two felines, but it all has to be planned.

Today is Tuesday and I only have Wednesday to go hunting, no problem. I made a decision today and it was decided that I would not go hunting on Thursday to complete my Easter hunt. I can buy everything vegetable I need tomorrow. Vegetables remain fresh in the fridge or in the kitchen storing places. What about the meat? I have Mr. Swiss who loves being let out on his own as he can combine his excursion with a drum practice at his rehearsal room and he enjoys driving the car. 

This evening I will created a list containing meat items that he will organise on Thursday, whilst I am doing my usual thing of cleaning the kitchen and cooking. Tomorrow on my Wednesday shopping expedition I will show him the meat I will need. I might even take a few photos to ensure that he will not be confused by descriptions of food that he does not know. I now only need four stamps for my third Easter Bunny which I hope to have tomorrow.


Easter Bunny: yes the national chain of Migros supermarkets in Switzerland are celebrating Easter with a free Easter Bunny give away. According to how much you spend, you receive a nice colourful round sticky thing that you attach to a card. When the card is full you can choose which bunny you need. Of course, Mrs Angloswiss is collecting like all other victims and I now have two free furry Easterbunnies - see picture.



Easter bunny

These two I assume are mummy and daddy. I am now collecting for No. 3, a green bunny, to complete my family. At the moment these two are sitting and waiting on my cupboard in the living room and ask me daily when there little green bunny is arriving. I have consoled them that I now only need three stickies and my card will be complete. Yes, there is excitement in the Angloswiss household. 

As you can see I have no exact taglines. My taglines change daily. Today it is easter bunny, tomorrow is shopping and  now and the again the tagline “cleaning” and “golden oldie sleep” appears on the list. My life is not a tagline, it is reality. At the moment it is “daily repeat prompt”.


Monday, 30 March 2015

Daily Feline Prompt: The Feline Show must go on

If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!).



At the vets

“What is that Fluffy.”

“It’s the poster I designed for our new film.”

“We are now in the film business?”

“Yes Tabby, Our daily feline prompt requests being involved in a movie. We can be director or producer or the star. I decided to do the directing and producing and you are the star.”

“And what is this film called.”

“I thought I would do a horror movie “The Demon Vet Strikes Again”.

“What’s in it for me?”

“That is according to the success of the film, but the famous scriptwriter Feline Tarantino said he would help with the screenplay. It all begins when a brave feline is taken to the vets.”

“That happens every year Fluffy, do I now get paid for it?”

“Wait a minute. The screen play says that the vet is infected with the dreaded anti worm pill virus and gives it to all the felines that visit his surgery.”

“You mean pure, without crushing and mixing it in yogurt.”

“Yes, that is the pure horror of this film. He then takes a jabbing tool and inserts medicine into the tender part of the feline. she shrieks with a horrific meow and jumps from the table.”

“What happens then Fluffy?”

“That depends on you. You now have to develop your method acting talents, something like Marlon Gatto in “On the Water Rooftiles” film.”

“What’s method acting.”

“In the dramatic meow arts, method acting is a group of back paw techniques applied to create in themselves the thoughts and feelings of their characters, so as to develop lifelike performances.”

“Ah, I get it, if it itches, then scratch it, but not just a normal raise the leg move, do it with feeling. Raise the leg artistically, with feline, meow, hair splitting vibrance in the feline vocal chords and do it all in slow motion, with feeling. No problem Fluffy, can I cough up a hair ball as well.”

“No, I don’t think so Tabby, that does not go down to well with the audience.”

“I thought I would bring some reality into my actions.”

“You can do that in the last scene.”

“I kill the demon vet?”

“No, Tabby, he kills you with a poisoned syringe.”

“I don’t want to die.”

“You don’t it is all in the film and you will leave an undying memory in the film world.”

“I will have to think about it. What’s the pay?”

“Three mice, two tins of tuna fish, already opened and a bowl of Red Cat.”


“Ok, I will sign.”