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Saturday, 31 January 2015

WordPress Feline Daily Prompt: Feline Playlist of the Week

Tell us how your week went by putting together a playlist of  five songs that represent it.


Group photo

“Felines, I said I wanted a group photo for your feline blog.”

“We heard Mrs. Human, so here we are, ready as you wishes. We even had a super lick wash.”

“But you are not together.”

“Mrs. Human, we do not do together, do we Fluffy.”

“Definitely not Tabby. Group photos do not exists in Meow Mrs. Human. They are more luck than judgement. I need my space.”

“Exactly Fluffy.”

“But I had a problem getting you both on the photo.”

“Mrs. Human you will probably be showing this photo to everyone in internet. That means that Roschti, Bubu and all our other feline contacts will see the photo on their pawpads. Just imagine if Fluffy and I were together on the photo, probably with our paws wrapped around each other as you would like it, we would be the laughing stock of the feline community. No self respecting feline would take us seriously and they would definitely find it a sign of weakness, meaning that there would be constant attempts to invade our territory. No definitely not, forget it.”

“Oh, I see. But what about constructing a nice playlist of the week describing how your week went.”

“Huh, Fluffy do you think she is making a sort of human joke?”

“I hope so, or do we do play lists?”

“No, Fluffy we do not do play lists. There is something called feline tube, but I have never bothered with it. Who wants to see films of Tom and Jerry, they are old fashioned and the Garfield films still have copyright. They are too new to download.”

“You see Mrs. Human there will be no play list of the week and we do not have moods. We are all the same deep down, just a constant fight to maintain our nine lives.”

“That sounds very philosophical Fluffy, so no play list felines.”

“No Mrs. Human, did you do one?”

“No felines, it is not my thing.”


“Q.E.D.”


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WordPress Daily Prompt: Playlist of the Week - Definitely not

Tell us how your week went by putting together a playlist of  five songs that represent it.

First of all “Down with the Grid”, I am fed up with this amateur grid stuff. Some are convinced it is an improvement, I am convinced that the previous system was better. However I would like to say that the new navigation system at the top lefhand corner is an improvement in my eyes, not wanteing to be labelled as a complainer or lamenting.  

My opinion of this prompt has not changed since 10th March 2013 when it first appeared. I wrote “I am not going to post youTube videos here, you will not listen to them, and if you want to see videos, you can choose them yourself. To be quite honest, if you choose to post videos about your week, I will not look at them either, just the titles. Sorry, but I do not have the time.” 


I remember the last time where I actually invested time and energy in writing something. This time I am not doing it. If WordPress want to churn out old useless prompts for the newbies, that is OK with me, but last time I was a newbie and was not impressed. I hear some of you saying she should bring her own suggestion instead of complaining. Perhaps you are right, but I see it differently. My days as a working woman are over. I no longer feel that I have to earn the money for others and so I leave it to the professionals to bring us a rewarding, interesting prompt to get our brains working. Daily I spend time thinking about what to write and not just doing a copy paste of something in Internet, it is not my style. So rant over, and now to something completely different. 



Back Garden in early morning snow

This was my back garden this morning, before breakfast or any other such normal early morning chores. By lunchtime the snow on the trees had disappeared. It is now late afternoon and the snow has returned, falling in large flakes and covering everything.

“If this continues, we will have two meters by tomorrow” said Mr. Swiss.

“Have we ever had two meters?” I answered.

“Just figuratively speaking” he found.

I do not think he is far from the truth. We live in Switzerland and what would the country be without snow. No skiing, no sledging? The mountains must be there for something, not to mention the profits made in the sleepy mountain villages, and so let there be snow. I do not really like it, but I must say it is pretty to look at. Yesterday on our shopping trip to the supermarket we drove through something resembling a blizzard, but Mr. Swiss assured me it was just ice rain that was falling.

“Is that dangerous?”

“It is slippery on the road.”

was his cool answer, although I do not think he felt so cool. Luckily we were arriving at the parking lot. 

So, how was my week? Nothing different to any other week. I got my housework done and No 2 son paid us a visit, or was that the week before last? The boiler man came, but I already wrote about that, and I still had the same aches and pains as last week. So did Mr. Swiss. We are just two copycats.

Today I am sorry to say that WordPress seems to have killed any inspiration for writing a Pulitzer prize winning blog. I called Wordy but they told me he was not available as he was on a course of “how to revive old prompts”, or “let’s do it again”. I suggested he attended a course on “How to write new intelligent, invigorating and different prompts” and the secretary told me she would pass on the message if he survived this week’s course.


As you have perhaps noticed I am not inspired. I am exhausted after rescuing 5 things from my burning house where luckily all persons and animals survived. I even had the opportunity to tell you all about the things that were lost in the fire, although due to my bravery I even rescued those - see it on my “Blogs of the week” list. Have fun everyone and let us look forward to a new innovative prompt tomorrow - Tell us about all the crimes and murders you committed this week, or “How was your midnight visit at the graveyard - did you survive?”


Friday, 30 January 2015

WordPress Feline Daily Prompt: Feline Thoughts on Burning

Remember this prompt, when your home was on fire and you got to save five items? That means you left a lot of stuff behind. What are the things you wish you could have taken, but had to leave behind?



Nera

“Tabby, I don't remember that prompt, but I think “remember” doesn’t exist in meow.”

“It does Fluffy, but only for a few minutes. Gods do not need memories. I think our sister Nera, may she rest in peace with Bastet, mentioned something about our ancestors being burnt as witches helpers.”

“That must have been a human thing.”

“Yes Fluffy, it was their idea. Of course we were not witches helpers, we were in charge. Nera said they picked on the black felines first of all. As if black felines were dangerous: ridiculous!”

“Well Mrs. Human would not go too near to Nera, she said Nera did not like her.”

“Nera did not like anyone, except me.”

“And me Tabby.”

“Nera only liked herself, I was her assistant and you were her apprentice.”

“Ah yes, I remember. But she was good at giving orders and organising things.”

“I know if our place burnt down, she would have thought of everything and if something was forgotten she would have organised us to return to the house to fetch it alll.”

“But we were allowed to take five things yesterday Tabby and I think we covered everything, so what more should we rescue.”

“Well, there would be my photo of Garfield on the wall next to my feline cushion.”

“You mean you would return and fight your way through the flames for a photo.?”

“No Fluffy, you would fetch the photo. You are the apprentice.”

“But I thought my apprenticeship was learning to catch mice and birds and bringing home the rewards. No-one said anything about battling my way through flames for a crummy photo of Garfield. What about my catnip, who would rescue that? I got it from a feline dealer I met down in the sewer.”

“First of all Fluffy, the Garfield photo is not crummy, it is a treasure. There is even a Garfield paw print on the back. And tell me about that dealer, is it good stuff that catnip?”

“The best Tabby, I had to pay two tins of tuna for it, he wouldn’t take less, but it is strong stuff. One sniff and you forget everything, even if the house is burning.”

“Ok Fluffy, while you are rescuing my Garfield photo from the fire, I will rescue the catnip. Let’s shake paws on it.”

“Err, Tabby I can’t sniff a photo, so why should I rescue a photo?”


“You are the apprentice, you do what I say, you have to learn the important things in a feline life. I will rescue the catnip. By the way what did you say that feline’s name was down the sewer. Sounds like a good contact.”


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WordPress Daily Prompt: Burnt

Remember this prompt, when your home was on fire and you got to save five items? That means you left a lot of stuff behind. What are the things you wish you could have taken, but had to leave behind?

How could I forget such an intelligent happy go lucky prompt? My house was on fire, but luckily my felines and I were saved and so we watched the flames lick at the house from afar and then it struck me. I had forgotten something. The windows had already burst their frames with the power of the heat, the flames were licking at the doors and I was standing helpless. I was thoughtless, they were living things and I had shunned them, pushed them on one side, forgotten, to die a painful death, but there is still time according to the WordPress brilliant today’s prompt. I had left them behind but I took my fate into my hands.

I had no cares for myself, singed hair, burnt fingers, this was not important, but I must save them. Luckily I had an old cloak in the garden shed and boots. I put on the boots, as my feet were only clad in my health sandals, and wrapped myself in the cloak, after emerging it first of all in water. I decided that a damp cloak would offer more protection. First of all I called the local newspaper as I decided it would make a good story. If I was going to be burnt alive saving living things, then it would be worth a front page article, perhaps even something prize winning.

I bent my head low and fought my way into the burning premises, flames licking at me which were quickly quenched by the damp cloak. Yes I was prepared. Sight was not very clear, but luckily I had also found a gas mask in the garden cupboard. Not only did this assist my breathing, but I could see various outlines. My sense of direction was now needed amongst the smoke and flames. Straight ahead and turn to the left and I would be in the living room where they were. I then heard screams “help, save us, we are burning”. Guided by these voices I picked my way through burnt books, charcoaled furniture and melting plastic and I saw them. They had huddled together for protection. I threw a damp blanket over them which I had also found in the garden cupboard. Of course, you never know if WordPress decides to burn your house down and you must always be prepared. I made a check to see if there were any casualties, but they all seemed to have survived.

“Have no fear” I called, “I am here to rescue you all, but I cannot take all of you at the same time.”

I now had to make a choice, who would be the first? And would I have time to return for more. Of course, you cannot make choices when it is a matter of life and death. I remember the last one, I had so longed for her for so long. They were rare, not often found and very expensive, at least she cost more than the others, so I made my choice and wrapped her in my second wet blanket (which I also found in the garden shed - you can never have enough blankets) and carried her through the door to safety. I placed her on the lawn. She made large gulps, hungering for fresh oxygen, and I returned for the others. 

This time I did not waste time in selecting who would survive and who not. I took an armful and ran for the door, knowing that I would have to return for the rest. Eventually I did it. they were all saved. They looked at me with their thankful faces, shaking their limbs in thankfulness. An ambulance was waiting outside and supplied me with a canister of oxygen. They wanted to treat my burns but I refused. What is a burn in comparison to the victims of such a fire? My books were cinders, my DVD’s melted, but this is just property that can be replaced. As long as there is an Amazon online service there is a way.


In the meanwhile the newpaper people had arrived with their cameramen and I was interviewed by a journalist. I was praised for my bravery and there were many photos made, but my favourite was of my first resucue. All those that I saved clapped and shouts of bravo could be heard. Oh, I almost forgot, here is the one I rescued first of all. the rare one. It cost thirty Swiss francs. I generally never pay more than twenty, but it was worth it. I always wanted a blue one.



Blue Orchid


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Thursday, 29 January 2015

WordPress Daily Feline Prompt: Important Feline Things to Rescue

Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?


Untitled

“Did you hear Tabby, we are safe, so let’s go.”

“Does not come into the question Fluffy. I am not going anywhere without my Pawpad and you will need yours as well.”

“Oh yes, of course, but what can I do with a pawpad when our home is burning down.”

“You read it, the animals are safe, meaning Mr. and Mrs. Human are OK. As we are gods we are safe in any case. I definitely think that the Pawpad is first on the list, but you should carry Mrs. Human’s handbag in your teeth,”

“Why Tabby, Mrs. Human’s handbag is not so important. She has a lot of human rubbish in it.”

“Human rubbish, my paw. She has her purse in her bag and what is in her purse Fluffy.”

“Those jingly coins that we can push around and play with?”

“No Fluffy, use your god sense. She has her credit cards in her purse. What is the use of a pawpad without a credit card. Think Fluffy, the house is burning down, all our tuna fish tins will melt, our catnip will be a pile of ash not to think of our cat gymnastic centre. It will have to be replaced and we will need Mrs. Human’s credit card. She will only be thinking of replacing useless human stuff like furniture, washing machines and a refrigerator. We felines will be left with nothing. We will have to replace our valuables and the best way is buying online with her credit card.”

“Do you think she will agree Tabby, the last time we used the credit card on our pawpad to order the diamond studied cat flap, she was not happy and I remember when the fish tank arrived with the live tuna fish she threatened us with vitamin pellets for the rest of our life.”

“Of course she did Fluffy, but she was just playing human. Admittedly she was not happy about the diamond studied  cat flap, but did you see how all the other felines in the neighbourhood were jealous?”

“But she returned the cat flap, and she put the fish in the local river. She was not happy about the money she had to pay.”

“Fluffy, do we need money?”

“No, it’s a human thing.”

“Of course it is.”

“So we have no home, but two pawpads and credit cards. We cannot eat that.”

“We still have three things to put on the list.”

“Which would be?”

“We both have more or less nine lives, minus a few on the way, so lets take another three with us, they are always useful.”

“Fine Tabby, so let’s go.”

“I am not going anywhere Fluffy, it is a hypothetical question. I think we will perhaps sleep over it.”


“Good idea.”


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WordPress Daily Prompt: Burning Down The House

Your home is on fire. Grab five items (assume all people and animals are safe). What did you grab?

I have been there and done it before and do not want to bore you all with my last experiences, and to be quite honest I have nothing new to say.

“Mrs. Angloswiss, you cannot do this.”

“Why not Wordy, you are doing it all the time.”

“But we want to hear what you take with you.”

“Wordy I can tell you one thing, if you happen to be on a visit at the time, I will not take you with me. I am sure they can reshape a pile of melted metal into something worthwhile: like a robot that only brings something new?  No, no forget it, but here is the link to my last attempt on 30th January 2013 if you want to read it again Burning Down the House

And now to something completely different




The 5 year boiler inspection

Today was one of those days where things are not as they normally are. After breakfast and the computer check I had to take my daily shower. I usually do that later when the housewife duties are completed, but today was different. We had a visitor and I did not want the boiler decalcifying man to see me in my raw silk nightgown with all the frills and laces. It might have been too much for him.

They arrived on time, there were two of them, the worker and the organiser. The organiser left after deciding what the worker should do and then the worker began. I managed to get a few centimeters of hot water in the kitchen sink to do some cleaning jobs before he started. The first action was drought. We had no water for a few minutes but that was just a first step. The water returned, but cold. I had to mop my floors with a mop soaked in cold water. As we had floor heating this was not so tragic.

He then emptied the boiler water, about 300 litres. I was glad he found a built in boiler drain to do it, otherwise we would have been wading in our apartment and the felines do not like wading. They prefer dry territory. 

“You have quite a lot of limescale” the boiler man said. “It seems the last time it was done was six years ago.

We hung our heads in shame.

“But for a two person household I think we will leave it at six years.”

Actually we are a three person household, but since No. 2 son moved out some years ago when it was a four person household, I must admit the showers have been reduced in number, he had a little shower addiction now and again. Not that I am complaining, cleanliness is next to godliness I think they say, so what could possibly go wrong. I am digressing.

There are metal rods in the boiler to trap a large amount of the limescale. Unfortunately these rods do not last a lifetime, at least not a human lifetime, so they had to be replaced. I could hear the tinkle of the cash register as the boiler man uttered his verdict and the rods were replaced. Mr. Swiss then took a closer look at the limescale remains which were slowly piling up. It was then that I sneaked a photo. Just imagine the boiler man was just doing his job and now he is famous across the world for my boiler maintenance. I did it so professionally paparazzi that he did not notice it. He had a lamp with him to discover the limescale. Yes these boiler people are the Sherlock Holmes of the chalk world.

After a couple of hours he was finished and the hot water returned, although with a delay of 2-3 hours until the 300 litres had again warmed up. Our boiler generally only runs during the night (half price electricity), but today was an exception and we now have hot water again. Actually reflecting back to the days of my childhood, we never had hot water from a tap, we had no boiler. We did have electricity, but my late grandmother remembers adding her signature to the list of wanting electricity in our street. I thought of my younger days without hot water and decided even life is possible with cold water. 

The boiler man did not leave immediately. He had another important job to do. Being a plumber he replaced a plughole which was looking much the worst for wear. The metal was no longer shiny, the surface being scratched and suffering from 15 years of usage: and I again heard the merry sound of the cash register.

He the packed his tools together, used his monster vacuum machine to suck up the layer of limescale and other remains from the floor, shook our hands and said goodbye. I don’t know how it is in other countries, but shaking hands is quite common in Switzerland. Thank goodness we no longer need a chimney sweep, shaking his hands is not advisable. 

Normal service was resumed. I cleaned through the apartment and began to cook our lunch,  spaghetti al tonno (spaghetti with tuna fish), also preparing two small dishes of tuna fish for our felines who were watching my hands with curiosity when I used the tin opener.


I sometimes wish we would have a revised prompt from 1946, I am sure I never did that one.