WordPress Daily Prompt: Can't Watch This

When was the last time you watched something so scary, cringe-worthy, or unbelievably tacky — in a movie, on TV, or in real life — you had to cover your eyes?

I watch something every morning when I arise that makes me cringe. I walk to the bathroom and look in the mirror and then ….. I cringe. I never used to cringe, it began about ten years ago, something like the portrait of Dorian Gray, only I do not remain young and it is only my reflection growing old. I am also growing old. Who needs a horror film, I experience it every day in real life.

Apart from the everyday reality of being me, the only thing I actually do not like to see on the TV is sometimes the news. I am not doing political here, it does not matter what side you are on, and let’s face it the world at the moment is in a big mess. Some time ago I remember seeing a film where the Americans were attacking the Iraqis. The next day in the news they showed the exact same film where the Iraqis were attacking the Americans. Same people, same place, same fight, so what is real life? Real life is what the media want us to believe is real life.

Apart from the unbelievable Die Hard films with Bruce Willis I once saw him in a film called Armageddon where he was sent to save the world from the impact of an Asteroid the size of Texas. He went in a spaceship with a team composed of well-known actors intending to blow up the asteroid with a nuclear war head. OK, we all know the way these things happen. Some die, some live but Bruce Willis is unbeatable. It was not a scary film, but a typical example of how the film industry works today. It is all done by computer technology; the actors probably do not even have to be in the studio for the film, they are superimposed on the happenings, so how are we supposed to be scared today. At least in the old days of the black and white science fiction films, they had to make the monsters out of plastic and wire. Today they just press a few buttons.

I remember when I was a kid, probably the beginnings of my developing black views on the world. There was the first series on the BBC Television in 1953 known as “The Quatermass Experiment”, more followed and eventually there was a cinema film. I was eight years old at the time and begged with mum and dad to watch it. It was all sort of artificial plastic extra-terrestrials. I spent most of the time hiding behind the armchair and had a peek in between where I saw some sort of strange bony hand gripping onto something. It was a serial and I only watched one part. I decided to let mum and dad watch the rest. I became quite a fan of horror films as I grew older, but I was then at the age where I knew Dracula’s teeth were plastic and the blood was tomato ketchup.

And now for the horror film in my back yard: I wrote a blog about the slug invasion in my garden earlier this week. I really thought I had it under control, but unfortunately the monsoon season returned, bringing with it ideal conditions for slug families to develop and reproduce. My lawn is full of them every evening, my lovely gallardia plants are clinging to the remainder of the flowers and leaves, due to my picking off the snails. I gave up and decided only brutal horror could save my plants. I walked to the kitchen, opened the cupboard (Dragnet music in the background) and took out a packet of salt. It was cringe worthy, but I won the battle. Since my salt attack on the snails, leaving them melting into the earth, they have sounded the retreat. There are still a few isolated idiot slugs that have not yet seen the fate of their brothers and sisters, but they will learn. I now have things under control, I am the slug killer. Armed with my box of salt, they have now become unbelievably tacky. Mr. Swiss did have a little bother with the mess of slime left on the tiles on the patio, but I reassured him and said I will hose it down when the battle is completely won.

Now here is the horror of it all. I have a second yard at the front of the apartment with slug unfriendly plants. Recently the gardener did a refurbishing job, replacing the lawn with sort of arty stonework and redesigning the flower beds. I was very happy with the result. The gardener also cleaned the tiles at the edge. Today I took a short walk in that part of the garden and oh, horror, I saw three slugs walking. They are now three dead slugs walking. The horror of the whole thing was there were four other slugs and they were dead. I did not kill them and they looked rather strange. Something like a half melted slug, but not quite. Their top half (is that the head) seemed to have injuries. Naturally I took a photo. I showed it to Mr. Swiss and he also found it very strange and disgusting (he is developing a slug phobia I think). Is there a slug killing animal prowling in my garden, the Bruce Willis Demon Die Hard Slug Killer, or did the gardeners put some sort of anti-snail poison in between the stones. It all looks very strange, almost horrific. Ok, for the cringers, cover your eyes or look away, darken your computer screen, here is one. Honest it is real, not plastic.





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WordPress Daily Prompt: The Show Must Go On

If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!). 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us CELEBRITY.

“Where is Karl? How am I to be expected to produce an epic horror film without the leading actor?”

“Did I hear you call my name boss, sorry I am late, but my presence was required at a party: one of those events where they needed a genuine attraction. It was a dress-up party with a horror theme and I was the star of course.”

“OK, Karl, forget the weak excuse. We are all waiting for you. Dementia Mort has been laying on the gravestone for an hour waiting for the shooting to begin.”

“Yes boss, and I am sure to get rheumatism from those cold stones. Aaahtishoo! You see I have already got a cold, probably pneumonia. Why do we always have to do these horror films so realistic? We could have built a set in the studio, but no, we have to do it in an old rotting graveyard. Yuck! There is a spider crawling over the gravestone.”

“Sorry Dementia” answered Karl “but I was really being celebrated at the party. They were fascinated by my life-style acting.”

“Karl, can we begin? Dementia are you ready?” said the producer.

“Boss I have been ready for an hour.”

“I see you have found time to visit the make-up Karl. At least we can start without having to fit the Dracula fangs and give your eyes a red tinge.”

“But boss!”

“No buts Karl. Shoot!”

And the cameras began to whirl. Karl bent over Dementia, aiming his fangs at her neck and there was a scream.”

“Dementia, your scream was too early, Karl does not yet have the blood dripping from his teeth.”

“I was trying to tell you boss, but you are not listening…”

“There is no time to listen Karl. What is wrong Dementia, did you sit on a thorn?”

“No, boss but it was the fang. It was too sharp.”

“Dementia it is only plastic. Karl, I like realism, but not too much, just be more careful. Let’s shoot the scene again.”

“Boss I think we are going to have a problem with this scene.”

“A problem? Karl all you have to do is bite on the blood capsule in your mouth and make as if you have pierced the jugular vein on Dementia’s neck. Is that so difficult?”

“It was the party yesterday evening, something was wrong.”

“Tell me about it Karl and then we can continue.”

“There were a couple of gate crashers around midnight and they were dressed to look like vampires, but I think they were vampires. I was drinking red wine and they somehow changed my glass.”

“Karl make it short, so we can shoot the scene. It is getting darker and we have no floodlights.”

“I was trying to tell you, boss, it was not red wine they gave me. Afterwards I noticed that my teeth began to grow and today I have been having problems with the day light.”

“Tell me about it afterwards Karl. This pause in the shooting is costing at least $500 an hour.”

So the shooting of the film continued. It was really very realistic and the producer was pleased. Karl had a bad conscience. He enjoyed piercing Dementia’s neck and found it very refreshing. Dementia fell into a trance according to the script, but it was so genuine that they had problems waking her afterwards. Karl had a bad conscience. He did try to tell the producer that he had no time to visit make-up before the shooting and it was all genuine. No plastic teeth and no blood capsule, but he had to admit it was much more fun.

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WordPress Daily Prompt: Fright Night

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it? 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FRIGHTENING.

I would just mention that the photo below was based on a normal photo and adapted in the Ribbit photo programme. I will not accept responsibility for any body parts that might go missing during the reading of this blog, or any unforeseen disappearances of the person reading this blog.

Yesterday afternoon they let me out to take a trip to town. I need new glasses and visited the opticians for an eye test. After leaving the local road train I have to enter the underground tunnel/footpath to cross the main road. It seemed to look a bit different as it usually did. I think the cleaning team had not done their work so well. During the night there are all sorts of strange people around and they never clean their mess up afterwards: a result of living in one of the oldest towns in Switzerland. They even found a couple of skeletons under the floor of a restaurant when they were re-doing it, but they had been there so long, they just put them on display under glass until they were removed so that the workmen could continue with the work, something about being built on an old cemetery. Nothing new, you read about that sort of thing all the time these days, ask Stephen King.

I continued on my way, undaunted, and the figure at the end of the tunnel did not even bother to follow me.

I asked Mr. Swiss whether I am frightened of anything and he found no, but I do not think he had ever asked me. We all have our little bothersome dark corners in our mind. I am not a lover of snow and ice on the roads during Winter. The stupid car never stops when I put my foot on the break, but sails on. Mr. Swiss did say something about not breaking on ice, but just let the car slow down normally. These people that know everything better So back to my world of fantasy, designing horror photos for my daily prompt. And to add what it would take to get me to do what I am scared to do. What a silly question. If my family was starving, had no food, I would go over ice and snow and through an avalanche to arrive at the local supermarket to buy food as long as Mr. Swiss is driving.

I am not happy about being put to sleep before a long operation. You never know you might not wake up again, but there again no problem. If you do not wake up again it is not likely that you will notice the fact that you do not wake up. Always look on the bright side of life death as the song says. There would be no question about anything getting me to do what I am scared to do, as the doc gives you a happy pill before wheeling you off to the operating theatre. I saw a horror film once about a mad surgeon, but that is just fantasy. I think the bloke’s name was Frankenstein, or something like that.

So there we have it I am scared of driving on icy roads and being operated under a full anaesthetic. Walking on the underground footpath to cross the road does not bother me at all as I can always see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Yesterday evening there was a film on TV very late just before I was off to bed. They always bring the scary ones late at night, probably to keep you awake. It was called Law Abiding Citizen. I will not go into details, but when it got to the point where the criminal was in the hands of the man whose wife and daughter he killed, it got a little bit too much for me. I did not classify sawing off the leg of the person who was evil while he was under nerve drugs and was forced to watch it all on a close circuit TV as entertainment. I did not want to know what happened further, although Mr. Swiss filled me in a little bit this morning. Was this horror, was this a film made to frighten us all out of a good night’s rest? The thing that really put me off was that today something like this could be possible, “there are more out than in” was one of my mum’s favourite sayings, and she was not so wrong.

On that happy reassuring note I will close this blog, but do not look behind you, he might be peering over your shoulder, even guiding your typing fingers with his telepathic eyes. 

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