Thank you Mrs. Human for the introduction, so I will begin. Just to correct, it is fluff and not fat (stupid human). At the moment I am keeping my paws crossed for time's forgiving grace, but everyone says it can only get better. Here is what happened.
Yesterday morning I was having a quiet relaxing hour in the garden. It was nice and warm, but I managed to find a shady spot. It was then that a factor of disturbance arrived on the scene, known as Bobinette (she meows in French) the neighbour's cat. Sometimes we get on ok, and sometimes we hate each other. There are times when Bobinette likes to show the rough side of her feline nature, and I must admit, I have also flashed my teeth and spit at her. This seemed to be one of those days when Bobi (as she is known commonly) surprised me with a spit and a frontal attack with claws ready. I decided that she was not in a good mood, and as I was completely surprised the best solution was to disappear. There are times when we felines know what is best. I made a dive for the window which was open. Unfortunately these humans have strange window systems and it was not fully open, but just tilted.
This was where the problem started. My paw, left paw, was fixed in the slant of the window at the bottom and believe me it was painful. I decided that humans are sometimes useful so made a loud sound causing all humans in the neighbourhood to hear. Mr. Human was first on the scene and was quite disturbed. Unfortunately even he was not able to pull my paw out. Mrs. Human tried to open the window. Thank goodness it was fixed as I would now have no left paw if it was not. It was then that Bobi's human arrived on the scene from next door. He took over from Mrs. Human and eventually Mr. Human had the bright idea of lifting my paw out of the window. In a flash I was away into the safety of my home, I didn't even notice if my paw hurt when walking.
Everyone seemed to be concerned, but I decided to leave them to their strange human feelings and disappear somewhere. I hid under the settee. I was nicely hidden and I could rest my throbbing paw on the cool tiled floor. It was then that I heard the forbidden word "vet" and Mrs. Human was on the telephone. I decided to recede further, but I was left in peace and quiet.
Sometime in the afternoon Mr. Human with the dreaded cage appeared and before I could disappear again (I was not so fast any more, my paw was throbbing) I was packed into the cage, the lid closed and on my way to the place where they all wear green overalls (green seems to be the favourite colours of vets). We had to wait as a stupid dog was being held under torture by the vet, although the dog seemed to be quite happy when he left the surgery. I suppose dogs are fools for vets. They even like them I heard. Ok it was my turn. Mrs. Human said something to the vet's assistant that she would not touch me. I felt quite pleased at that remark, looks like I have trained her well. The vet's assistant decided, no problem, she would handle it with the vet. It was then that I decided to put my Dracula show on. It did make an impression on Mrs. Human who took one step back, but unfortunately the vet thought differently, so I was covered with a large cloth and held down while I felt a jab in one of my sensitive parts. I was then left in my cage and began to feel quite drowsy. It was probably then that my stupid Mrs. Human decided to take a photo - she takes photos all the time - no private sphere for a cat.
I was not awake for this photo (really mean) but had already fallen asleep from the vet's jab. It seems even the vet would not touch me awake. Mrs. Human what did they do with me? I was so poor and helpless.
"OK Nera, I will do some explaining, if I may. We had to put you to sleep as it would have been dangerous otherwise. You were not very happy. First of all the vet saw that your claws were a bit on the long side so he gave you a manicure. He found it a good idea while you were asleep. Afterwards I had to put a special lead lined cover on, as well as the vet's assistant and we made X-rays of your poor little paw (sounds good) to see if anything had been damaged. Luckily it was only a little bit squashed and nothing that would not heal on its own. As you were asleep we also decided it was a good opportunity to see how heavy you were. I lifted you onto the scales. Now Nera, don't be angry, but six kilo is quite heavy for a cat, you should really go on a diet. Afterwards the uncle vet gave you a depot injection for the swelling and then a jab to wake you up."
Thank you Mrs. Human, but the bit about six kilo I ignore. After all about two kilo is fur and I am definitely not related to the vet - uncle??? I quite liked the way they could only cut my claws when I was asleep, that really shows respect for my status.
"Nera fur does not weigh so heavy."
Forget it Mrs. Human. I will continue. I slowly came back into the normal world in the car on my way home. As soon as I arrived in my normal surroundings I jumped out of the cage. I was feeling quite hungry after the excitement so had something to eat. The next few hours were a bit hazy.
"Nera you fell asleep whilst you were eating, in the middle of the kitchen floor. We shifted you to one side as the other cats could not reach the food."
Ok, let's forget that bit. Anyhow I did not feel like taking my usual nocturnal walk, so stayed at home.
"Any how do we feel today nera?"
Well my paw in still a bit bigger than normal, but I just feel like having a restful day.
"At the moment Nera is sleeping on a cushioned chair in the garden in the shade. She is very brave I must say and is not complaining, although I think she might tomorrow morning when I have to take her to the vets again for another depot injection for the swelling. The vet sort of confirmed that it is probably not possible to give her a tablet. It will probably take some time, but with it's forgiving grace her paw will probably be back to normal. We now have new instructions at home for windows. They are only tilted if the blinds are down and if the window is opened without the blinds, then opened normally so that cats can enter and leave with no problem. We have always been careful, Nera is now seven years old and we have never had a problem up to now. She always did panic in unusual situations. As a closing photo, one I took while she was under sedation at the vets."
The shame of it all and now that stupid human woman is showing a photo of me under sedation. I am sure she wouldn't like it - just wait. I heard that bit about going to the vet tomorrow. Must practice my Dracula look again.