Use the following prompts in a scene or short story. Order is unimportant, but all must be included.
1. En garde, you swine!
2. Mabel, the mystic marvel.
3. Enraptured by a madcap wind
„OK, now let’s get this film rolling. It’s a low budget thing, so we don’t have money to throw out of the window. Where is Paul Love, the leading man. Come here we have to discuss a few things.”
Director Dag Schmidt (actually Don Smith, but he felt it sounded better) was organising the film crew. He only had a couple of weeks to complete the film, time was money, so filming days were few and everything had to be concentrated.
“I’m here Dag” answered Paul. “What’s this film about anyway, some guy called Beowolf who had a little misunderstanding with a dragon” and the rest of the team started laughing.
“This is not funny Paul, he killed the dragon and that is the part you are playing.”
“Fine with me, but where are we going to get a dragon?”
“That’s one of the advantages of films; you can play around with them. Is Mabel, the mystic marvel here?”
“You mean our tea lady?” said Paul
“I’m here sir” and Mabel appeared on the scene. She was known as the mystic marvel as her tea was really something out of the ordinary. She never told anyone how she made it, so it remained a mystery and it just had a marvellous taste.
“Can I help you Mr. Dag, perhaps a cup of my special tea?”
“No Mabel, but someone told me you have a wonderful cat at home.”
“Oh, you mean Tinker. He is my pride and joy Mr. Dag. He loves my mystic tea and has grown into a lovely cat. The vet says he is a little bit overweight, but he has big bones.”
“Yes, Mabel, I have heard that he is almost ten kilo heavy. Isn’t that a bit on the fatter side.”
“Mr. Dag, he is not fat, just fluffy and he is big boned.”
“Someone said he has quite large jaws and his teeth are able to crush a mouse at one bite.”
“Oh yes, sir, no problem. He kills anything that moves, providing he can eat it afterwards.”
“Ok Paul did you hear, we have our dragon. Mabel bring him to the studio tomorrow. With a bit of makeup and fluorescent paint we will have our dragon. Just have to fix a spiky tail to his body and the dragon is born.”
“Well I am not sure Mr. Dag. Will he have a mention on the credit titles of the film””
“Of course Mabel, anything for our favourite tea lady” and Dag was pleased that this small problem was dealt with, but the next was already looming on the horizon.
“Listen Dag, there is a bit in this script that I don’t understand.”
“Tell me Paul, I thought the text was quite clear.”
“Well I have this sword fight with some sort of rival for my girl and before we start I have to say “En garde, you swine.”
“So where’s the problem.”
“I don’t speak French.”
“But everyone knows what a swine is, and when someone steals your damsel, then you have a right to call him a swine.”
“That’s no problem Dag, but this “en garde” bit is a bit funny.”
“Paul, they all say that in the films before they start a sword fight. Don’t worry, Errol Flynn said it, so you can say it as well. I am damned sure that Errol didn’t know what he was talking about either. This might be a low budget film, but if you want to carry a wage packet home with you afterwards, then just read the text. OK?”
“OK Dag, you’re the boss” but Paul somehow had the feeling that Dag also did not know what this “en garde” bit meant.
“Sorry everyone, I am a bit late” and Marilyn Fantastico arrived.
“OK Marilyn, as a leading lady I suppose it is your right to be the last one here, but don’t make a habit of it, otherwise the film might get a little too expensive and we won’t be able to afford you.” Somehow Dag knew that she was perhaps the wrong choice but she was out of work at the moment. Her last film “Enraptured by a Madcap Wind” just was not the success she had hope for. Somehow the Madcap Wind got too strong and it blew her wig off as she was kissing the leading man. Marilyn was not the youngest any more and her grey hair showed up too much on the final take.
So the filming began and everything seemed to go well. Mabel’s cat did not like having a jagged tail assembled on his back or having smoke blown around him to make it look like he was breathing fire. He was also allergic to fluorescent paint. Mabel’s cat also did not like to be told what to do. There was plenty of blood drawn in the fight scenes, but mostly where Tinker the cat had pulled his claws across Paul's face. At least the fight scars were genuine. Paul had never heard of this Beowulf guy, but was sure he did not have the nickname of scarface after his fights. Marilyn Fantastico overslept on three mornings and when she finally arrived she still had the after effects of the bottle of Vodka she drank on the evening before. Dag changed the text to make sure you only saw her and did not hear her as she forgot her lines most of the time.
Eventually after a month, the film was finished. It was not exactly a success, but everyone concerned in the film business saw the film at least once and many copies were sold all over the country. All film institutes bought at least one copy to show their students how not to make a film.
United Friends Challenge #139: The Film