Sunday, 14 October 2007

Reservoir Cats - 2

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Nera: Good evening Grey – glad you turned up I wanted to ask you something.
Mr. Grey: Nera would you like me to call you Nery fairy, the way Mrs. Human sometimes calls you.
Nera: No why ask such a stupid question – of course not, I am called Nera with reference to my wonderful long black shiny fur that I have. Nera is the female version of Nero in Italian and it means black in English. I thought such an intelligent creature as you would know that.
Mr. Grey: Of course, I know that, but you must realise my name is MR. Grey and not just Grey and I would prefer to be addressed as such.
Nera: Now there is no need to get worked up about it. No-one calls me Mrs. Black, so I don’t see why you have to be a MR. Grey
Mr. Grey: Just be careful what you say Nera. If you had seen the film “Reservoir cats” you would realise it is a serious matter.
Nera: Ok explain, I am all ears.
Mr. Grey: In Reservoir cats there was a mafia group carrying out a robbery and they all had to have other names. The boss decided they should have names according to their colour. One of the cats was big and black and wanted to be Mr. Black. The boss said no and the cat asked why. “It just doesn’t work” said the boss “If you are called Mr. Black there will be an argument as all the cats will want to be Mr. Black – clear? – we gangsters all want to be black, so the black cat was called another colour – Mr. Blond or Mr. Pink or something like that.
Nera: And you mean because of that we have to call you MR. Grey.
Mr. Grey: Not only, I have connections here in the cat world that we just don’t speak about. So what’s on your mind Nera – problems with your stripy sister Tabby or with curly boy Fluffy.
Nera: I don’t have problems with anyone around here as the chief cat, I just have to get things organised now and again.
Mr. Grey: You might be the chief cat in your territory, but not in mine.
Nera: If that’s the case then can you explain why you deposit your dead mice in our territory during the night.
Mr. Grey: What else am I supposed to do with them? Eat them? Forget it, my mouth is used to more delicate tastes – minced entrecote, fresh trout and such. I used to deposit the mice in Bobinette’s territory, but she had gone off mice and just left them laying around.
Nera: How come Bobinette’s territory?
Mr. Grey: Bobinette was my cleaner. She had gathered enough experience from the Italian cat mafia to know what should be done in such an organisation. Someone has to clear the evidence away
Nera: So now me and my two colleagues are getting the blame for leaving dead mice outside the door in the morning.
Mr. Grey: Actually Nera I was going to have a few words with you. I will have to have a strong talk with Bobinette, although she avoids me these days and as a cleaner she is now useless – seems to have developed other tastes since her holiday in the Swiss mountains. Keeps going on about what a tasty dish marmots are and such. That’s what happens when you do what the humans say – she is just getting soft.
Nera: So what’s the deal MR. Grey
Mr. Grey: I had contact with my father this week – Big Tom – and he said to distribute the work a bit better, so you and Tabby and Fluffy have now been appointed as the official cleaners around here. By the way did I mention that the film “Reservoir cats” was based on his life?
Nera: Do what??
Mr. Grey: It was Big Tom’s orders – capisci?
Nera: Big Tom? – Oh, I see, that puts things in another light. What’s the pay for being a cleaner
Mr. Grey: The honour of serving Big Tom and his No. 1 son – me. I think that will be an explanation enough for the curly and stripy one. Oh, and by the way Nera, that is not a request but an order. Got it?? Any questions??
Nera: No , no, of course not g-g-g-gre – Mr. Grey.

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Next morning

Nera: Tabby, Fluffy I had a talk with Mr. Grey yesterday evening.
Tabby: Thought I saw you engrossed in a conversation with him outside. And did he admit to leaving mice all over the place.
Nera: Well, sort of – did you know his father was Big Tom
Fluffy: Big Tom – you mean that Main Coon that lives a couple of villages down the road. The one that frightened all the dogs away in his neighbourhood. I really have respect for that cat and wouldn’t want to meet him on a dark night.
Tabby: As you don’t see anything any more Fluffy, you don’t have to worry about meeting anyone anymore on dark nights, but I do. Did you say that Mr. Grey is Big Tom’s son?
Nera: You two are really a slow sometimes. I always though we cats had a sharp gift of comprehension. Yes, Mr. Grey is Big Tom’s son and we now have to take orders from Mr. Grey, capisci?
Tabby: Capisci? What’s that for a mafia expression? So what do we do.
Nera: If we want to continue living our happy carefree feline life here, we have just one small duty. To clear the mice away that Mr. Grey leaves laying around in the morning after his night out.
Fluffy: Big deal, you mean to say we have become cleaners?
Tabby: Well that is a bit under my value?
Nera: We have not become cleaners, you two have become cleaners. Don’t forget I am the boss around here. I just have to organise things and report back to Mr. Grey now and again.
Tabby & Fluffy together: forget it
Nera: Do you remember the film “Reservoir cats”?
Tabby: Of course, it was a classic amongst the feline population.
Nera: It was based on the memoires of Big Tom –capo di tutti capi
Fluffy: OK, capisci
Tabby: Capisci, Capo

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