I really don’t know. I read so much and my
life is one big fantasy. I often wondered what lay at the bottom of this green
pool in our village; perhaps a couple of corpses, a hidden treasure or just
some frogs doing what frogs usually do. In Spring it is quite lively, sort of
50 Shades of frog life and if you are a lady frog, then you really have a
problem.
Who saved Sherlock Holmes from Professor Moriaty at the Reichenbach Falls in Switzerland? They fought their last battle together in the last story “The Final Problem” in the book “Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes” falling both to their death in the teaming waters of the Falls, only to see Sherlock Holmes again reappear in “The Return of Sherlock Holmes” in the story “The Adventure of the Empty House”. All rubbish of course, a sheer impossibility that Sherlock survived without my help. Being a citizen of Switzerland I am perfectly acquainted with the Falls and no person in their right mind would have a dual at these Falls. Professor Moriaty got cold feet, as he suffered from vertigo. Sherlock could not swim and decided against a watery grave. They called on me and I told them to forget about taking a jump over the Falls. Just throw a deerstalker hat and Meerschaum pipe into the water and everyone will think Sherlock met his death and this is the proof. Finding a t-shirt with the words “Moriaty the Criminal Mastermind” and a blood stain on it, sealed the deal. Actually Moriaty retired to live somewhere in the Carpathian mountains in Rumania and so it was all settled. What would they have done without my help?
I had a greater problem when I had to play a role in the “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde. Oscar told me the story and I entered the events, but Oscar forgot to tell me about the portrait reflecting the horrors of Dorian’s life. He stayed young and handsome and the portrait shows the horrors of his life. I do not like maggots, anything squirmy and decided to keep the living parts out of the picture. I contacted Turner, the English painter known for a few dark paintings and he obliged and did the paintwork. The problem was that Dorian grew to like the painting and no longer feared it. Of course I had to change the story, so Dorian is still alive today, the painting hanging in his toilet. You cannot hang such a horrific painting in the living room now can you? I told Dorian to cool it with the ladies and the booze and he decided I was right, so he turned to politics which was more in his line of things and now lives a quiet and peaceful life, killing anyone in his way.
My favourite role was playing the assistant of Harry Bosch, the well-known detective in Los Angeles. I fell in love with him at once, so had to rescue him from all the problems he encountered. If there was a murder, I solved it for him. If there was a shooting, I placed myself between Harry and the gunman. Who would shoot a helpless woman? The gunman paused, I took out my Kalishnikov that I had hidden beneath my long black coat and saved Harry from a death by bullets. I did everything for Harry. I mean he was a good looking guy, widowed. His wife was killed in the first story I played a part in. Too bad – I think he quite liked her, but she was in the way. Many years later, I am still in his life. We married, had two kids and named each one of them after a famous painter. Every one knows that the real name of Harry Bosch is Hieronymous Bosch, so we had Charlie Rembrandt Bosch and Joe Picasso Bosch. Their dad told them to keep out of the police force, so they are both gardeners, their crops fetching a good price on the drug market and of the purest quality.
As you can see the life of a plain and simple blogger can sometimes be quite adventurous. Who needs a Pulitzer or Nobel prize? My fame is sealed by the parts I play in the fictional world. Did I tell you about my part in 50 Shades of Grey. No? Well it was like this…….. “What did you say Mr. Swiss, that is enough for now with my bragging”. Ok but who says I was bragging?
Who saved Sherlock Holmes from Professor Moriaty at the Reichenbach Falls in Switzerland? They fought their last battle together in the last story “The Final Problem” in the book “Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes” falling both to their death in the teaming waters of the Falls, only to see Sherlock Holmes again reappear in “The Return of Sherlock Holmes” in the story “The Adventure of the Empty House”. All rubbish of course, a sheer impossibility that Sherlock survived without my help. Being a citizen of Switzerland I am perfectly acquainted with the Falls and no person in their right mind would have a dual at these Falls. Professor Moriaty got cold feet, as he suffered from vertigo. Sherlock could not swim and decided against a watery grave. They called on me and I told them to forget about taking a jump over the Falls. Just throw a deerstalker hat and Meerschaum pipe into the water and everyone will think Sherlock met his death and this is the proof. Finding a t-shirt with the words “Moriaty the Criminal Mastermind” and a blood stain on it, sealed the deal. Actually Moriaty retired to live somewhere in the Carpathian mountains in Rumania and so it was all settled. What would they have done without my help?
I had a greater problem when I had to play a role in the “Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde. Oscar told me the story and I entered the events, but Oscar forgot to tell me about the portrait reflecting the horrors of Dorian’s life. He stayed young and handsome and the portrait shows the horrors of his life. I do not like maggots, anything squirmy and decided to keep the living parts out of the picture. I contacted Turner, the English painter known for a few dark paintings and he obliged and did the paintwork. The problem was that Dorian grew to like the painting and no longer feared it. Of course I had to change the story, so Dorian is still alive today, the painting hanging in his toilet. You cannot hang such a horrific painting in the living room now can you? I told Dorian to cool it with the ladies and the booze and he decided I was right, so he turned to politics which was more in his line of things and now lives a quiet and peaceful life, killing anyone in his way.
My favourite role was playing the assistant of Harry Bosch, the well-known detective in Los Angeles. I fell in love with him at once, so had to rescue him from all the problems he encountered. If there was a murder, I solved it for him. If there was a shooting, I placed myself between Harry and the gunman. Who would shoot a helpless woman? The gunman paused, I took out my Kalishnikov that I had hidden beneath my long black coat and saved Harry from a death by bullets. I did everything for Harry. I mean he was a good looking guy, widowed. His wife was killed in the first story I played a part in. Too bad – I think he quite liked her, but she was in the way. Many years later, I am still in his life. We married, had two kids and named each one of them after a famous painter. Every one knows that the real name of Harry Bosch is Hieronymous Bosch, so we had Charlie Rembrandt Bosch and Joe Picasso Bosch. Their dad told them to keep out of the police force, so they are both gardeners, their crops fetching a good price on the drug market and of the purest quality.
As you can see the life of a plain and simple blogger can sometimes be quite adventurous. Who needs a Pulitzer or Nobel prize? My fame is sealed by the parts I play in the fictional world. Did I tell you about my part in 50 Shades of Grey. No? Well it was like this…….. “What did you say Mr. Swiss, that is enough for now with my bragging”. Ok but who says I was bragging?
