Sunday, 18 October 2015

Topic Generator: Thoughtless Painting

“Morticia what are you doing?”

“I am painting Drac.”

“You are doing what? Vampires do not paint, unless in red and we decided to spend a quiet night at home with no excitement.”

“It is my new hobby Drac. Instead of sitting around and knitting new socks for the Winter months.”

“But I love new socks, they keep my feet nice and warm.”

“I gave you a new pair for your 650th birthday and it was so difficult to get the colour of the bat wings correct.You have only worn them twice.”

“I know, but bats with pink wings are not my thing.”

“Sorry, but I had run out of red wool at the time. Anyhow I have to concentrate on my painting.”

“Why a painting? We have a painting of Primrose, my favourite were wolf and I do not want it to be removed from the wall above my coffin.”

“No problem Drac, this is an impressionist painting and it will be perfect in the dining room.”

“We have a dining room?”

“Sort of. Now and again Primrose brings something home and shares it with us.”

“So let’s see this masterpiece.”

Swiss dinner

“What’s that?”

“The name is on the painting: it’s a bleeding tomato.”

“Since when do tomatoes have blood? I know they are red, but that is where the similarity ends.”

“But I did complement the painting with some blood stains.”

“You do not waste blood on paintings.”

“Stay cool Drac, it was just the remainder from the last plastic bag from the blood bank. There is always a residue, and so I sprinkled it over my painting. That is called Natural Surrealism, using biological elements, almost organic.”

“I see, and what is that other stuff on the plate?

“I had to borrow that from the neighbour, as we do not have potato or sausage.”

“Of course we have sausages Morticia.”

“I know but only blood sausage and that would have made a mess in the kitchen, I do like to have a clean kitchen you know.”

“All looks a bit thoughtless to me, just using up leftovers. On the other hand it would look quite good in the kitchen, makes the room a little more habitable. Anyhow all this talk of food, I now feel hungry. Put away your paints and canvas. Let’s take a flight to the blood bank, I heard they have fresh supplies of our favourite group.”

“Good idea Drac, I will continue tomorrow. Let’s call in at the witches coven on the way. I believe she has a new wool coloured with deadly nightshade liquid. That would be a nice striped contrast to the scarf I am knitting for you, black and belladonna look so well together.”

“Yes, good idea, I really need a new scarf. The old one has so many teeth marks from the last halloween get-together me and the boys had down at the cemetery.”

“I remember, that was when they had to carry you home.”


  1. That could be a contender for this year's Turner Prize.

    1. I just had a look at the short listed prize list and yes, it would stand a very good chance, something realistic. I will never again eat a baked tomato with the same feellings.