Sunday, 11 October 2015

Topic Generator: Elegant Visit

Royal Envelope

“There’s a letter here for you in the post, looks quite important.”

“Let’s see what it says - not every day that I get an envelope that looks like that, perhaps the post have now got a new theme.

“Dear Madam

It has come to our notice that you are one of our most faithful subjects. It would be an honour to have your presence at our next tea party, taking place in two weeks time where you will be awarded with our certificate showing you to be an honourable member of our group. 

with my best regards

Sir John Smith


Dress: suitable for the occasion.”

George, look, I have made it, I am invited to the queen’s tea party. What shall I wear?”

“Show me. Who is Sir John Smith? Never heard of him, and the address on the invitation is not exactly Buckingham Palace, but a hotel in Park Lane.”

“They are minor details George. Her Majesty certainly does not have room for all of her faithful subjects at the palace. At last recognition for my services.”

“What services? You were only in London to visit Aunt Maud and as far as I know she was not exactly a patriot. Her husband, Jim was even a member of the labour party.”

“They are minor details George. So what shall I wear. I have to be dressed well for such an elegant visit. Do you think something trimmed with fur would be suitable? And of course I should have a hat to match. Tomorrow you will have to cook dinner, I will have to pay a visit to Regent’s Street for my dress. Or would you like to come with me? Sometimes a man’s opinion can help.”

“Err, well, no I don’t think so Cynthia. I am sure you will be able to make the decision yourself, I will only be in the way.”

“Ok, if you insist. Just give me your cheque book, you never know. They might not accept something as common as cash.”

“But don’t overdo it. I would say £300 would be the limit.”

“You must be joking George. This is an appointment with the queen, not one of your masonic dances where a Marks and Spencers dress does the trick.”

One day later

“Look George what do you think.”

“It looks OK, although don’t you think the pink chiffon bow is overdoing it a bit.”

“Definitely not George, wait until you see my hat.”

“Your hat???”

“Come on, you cannot go to a queen’s tea party without a hat.”

“But the brim is a little too wide perhaps, I cannot see your beautiful eyes.”

“For the Queen a brim is never to wide.”

Two weeks later Cynthia returns home from the tea party.

“Don’t bang the front door like that Cynthia. Your face is red and you look completely shaken.”

“I have never been so insulted in my whole life. I arrived at the tea party, but I was on my own.”

“You mean you were the only guest?”

“Yes. I was dressed in my £500 costume with my lovely wide brimmed hat and directed to a corner of the dining room and served a plate of biscuits and a cup of tea.”

“What about Sir John Smith? At least he was there to welcome you.”

“Forget it, his junior clerk was there.”

“I am not following.”

“Remember when we were on holiday in Italy and I bought that box of biscuits at the airport shop. It seems that I was the 100th person to buy one of those boxes and so the biscuit company gave me this certificate

“We welcome Cynthia Cholemodley as our 100th customer for our anniversary box of biscuits and are honoured to have her as one of our customers.”

What an insult.”

“Is that all?”

“No, he also gave me a gift package contained a selection of their luxury biscuits.”

George found that a box of biscuits costing £500, no £700 as the hat cost £200 must be very good biscuits, although he did have a problem swallowing them.


  1. That is so funny. I was reminded of Hyacinth Bucket and her husband Richard in Keeping Up Appearances!

    1. Funny so was I when I was writing it. I quite enjoyed that programme.

    2. Same wave length! It's being run on PBS in the US so it was fun to see it again. Patricia Routledge was perfect.

  2. Oh crumbs!! That didn't go well!!! :-)

    1. But you must admit, it was a lovely tin box - I bought it at London City airport in the duty free whilst waiting for my flight