Tuesday, 7 August 2012

The Trouble with Larry

Larry the cat

"Cats, just come and look at this impostor, bathing in the sun on a lowlife pavement at No. 10 Downing Street."

Tabby and Fluffy ran as fast as possible, hearing the excited commanding tone of chief cat Nera, who again had her nose in an internet page reading the daily newspaper.

"What's wrong Nera" they asked "someone stole your tuna fish, or need help with removing a snail from your fur?"

"Tabby, Fluffy, that is not funny. This scrawny piece of fur that calls himself "Chief Mouser to the cabinet" is pictured in the newspaper, the impostor that got a job which was destined for my talents."

"Nera, just forget it. You wrote your letter of application and this Larry happened to be in the right place at the right time."

"Of course he was Tabby, he was put there by his clan. Where was you or Fluffy at the time of my application. You could have put in a few good words for me, sent Clegg an e-mail, or even better, hitch-hiked a trip to London in one of those lorries that are always passing by on the local road."

"Nera, neither Tabby or I have a death wish to be found in an empty lorry huddled in a corner because we were forgotten or not fed, just to have ensured that you would have got a job at No. 10 Downing Street. Be satisfied with what you have. A nice place to sleep, regular food, once a week tuna fish and a supply of mice in the local countryside, which you never catch in any case."

"Fluffy, are you sure you don't have a death wish. After those last remarks, I could help to realise it. I am the champion mouse collector here, everyone knows it and it was one of the criteria for getting the job that impostor Larry got."

"Nera Fluffy has a point. I have never seen you catch, or kill a mouse since I know you, and as we are litter sisters, that goes back to your birth. You just eat the bits and pieces we leave or snatch them away before we have a chance to have a sniff."

"Tabby, I am the queen cat here, the chief, and I say who gets a mouse and who doesn't. Is that clear?"

"Ok, Nera but just stay cool. Larry does not have an easy job."

"Fluffy, since when do you belong to the Larry impostor cat fan club."

"He has a point Nera."

"Ok, Tabby, Fluffy, enlighten me"

"There are not only 4 legged vermin in Downing Street, but 2 legged as well. I think Larry has just given up, not knowing which ones to get. It can be confusing in the world of politics. I think he just plays safe and takes a sleep outside now and again to get away from it all. Nera for us you will always be the cat with the most and we just do not want to lose you. Forget the job at Downing Street, and carry on being our chief cat."

"Oh, shucks, cats, I think you are right. Who cares about a mangy, flea ridden black and white cat who is living the life of a parasite, when someone as noble as respected as I am can be so satisfied. So cats, disappear and leave me to a few hours of beauty sleep."

And Tabby and Fluffy left Nera to her well deserved rest.

"Fluffy, did you have to say all that rubbish about Nera being the best in the neighbourhood."

"Tabby, I just had to humour her otherwise we will never hear the end of that Larry stuff. Every time he is in Internet we have to hear her meows and complaints."

"Yes Fluffy, you are right. So let's go off for a sleep, but don't forget to pull the plug out of the computer beforehand. I don't want to be woken up by a catty screech again."

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