WordPress Daily Prompt: Proud

When was the last time someone told you they were proud of you?

Where shall I begin? It happens so often I lose count . Of course the local supermarket. Daily the assistants at the cash register say how proud they are they I spend so much money in their business. It was only last week when the butcher told me personally that his life wold not be worth while if I did not purchase the meat that he had so carefully prepared, wanting to please my wishes. He even let me hold his butcher’s knife dripping with blood from the last victim and took a photo. He asked me to sign the photo so that he could hang it over the counter, showing everyone how proud he was of my customer services.

Then of course the postman called last week. He only rings twice, so I always have to be ready. He had tears in his eyes when he said how proud he was to deliver the letters and parcels to my address. I had to give him a handkerchief to wipe his eyes. I told him it was no problem. I look forward to his daily visits and he too makes my life worthwhile bringing the letters and newspapers. I am not always so proud of receiving the invoices, but he is only doing his job. He went on his knees and begged for forgiveness and bowed his way along the path. Oh, how nice to see that people are happy.

It was only last week when the tax authorities sent a letter announcing how pleased they were to have me as a customer. It is a reward for their clerks to be able to send me the forms to fill out and each year they have their annual party in honour of my tax returns. I, of course, answer their letter telling them it is a pleasure to be a customer and they should carry on with their valuable work. It makes me realise why I receive a senior pension. I wrote of the happy memories I had when I was a working woman, being allowed to pay a certain percentage of my hard earned money into their fund “Save the country and the village”. I realised that their job was not an easy one and all the more I honoured their words of praise for my efforts. 

My visit to the bank was successful. The porter at the door bowed when I entered and the cash drawer was already open, awaiting my visit. They shut it almost immediately when I told them I was visiting for withdrawal. I was shown the door where the cash machine was. I am not so sure if they were proud of me.

Last week I visited the dentist. His eyes were reflections of $ signs as he looked at my teeth. It was just a cleaning job originally, but he was happy, as a sideline, to repair a lost filling. He was so proud of me saying that I look after my teeth, perhaps too well he added. He is almost out of work when visiting my teeth, but I should not despair. Golden Oldies are always a source for turnover he found, and before I left he gave me some caramels to eat. He said they were not exactly the thing for the teeth, but for the dentist. I am still thinking about that, but my dentist was proud of me and said to call again soon, perhaps in six months.

My doctor was beaming when I arrived for the result of my blood tests. She was proud of the results. I asked if that meant that I could cease taking my tablets for diabetes and the vitamin tablets for my blood circulation. She said no, but it has improved. She gave me a page showing all the results, actually it was two pages. There was a nice tick next to the cholesterol levels. I asked if that meant I no longer needed to take the daily tablet. No, you should continue. Until when? One day the grim reaper will arrive and I will no longer need the tablets, but she was proud of me. As I left she gave me  bag with three varieties of life prolonging tablets and a proud smile, telling me to call again in a few months. This week I received the bill for the visit, yes I am sure she was proud. I also made my sickness insurance proud.

The undertaker’s shop is next to the doctor’s surgery. As I walked past he waved at me from the window, pointing to the poster in the window with photos of the newest developments in coffins. I do not want him to be proud of me, so I changed my step into a run. Luckily the car was parked just around the corner.

I found this prompt fairly stupid the last time and time does not heal wounds now does it. We all know that pride comes before the fall. I wish I could say I was proud of my daily prompts, but it is more despair, hoping for something completely different, a prompt to be proud of.

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WordPress Daily Prompt: (Your Thing) for Dummies

Take a complicated subject you know more about than most people, and explain it to a friend who knows nothing about it at all.

The only complicated thing I do today is “Walking on snow” which I avoid when possible. There are no rules, there is no way “How to”. We are basically all dummies on snow, so I decided to leave this subject to someone that can do it, like the Yeti.

On the other hand I could give you all a dummy course in stenography. You know the quick way on how to jot stuff down that someone is dictating. If you were attending a political summit conference and the powers that be are deciding to slice up some significant country, then it is important to get it all straight in the notes. What did you say? Oh, today is the 21st century and we don’t have to take notes, we have other means like iStuff. I know so we will go back in time when the “i” was not yet invented, the pre “i” days, when I was growing up and we had to depend on our intelligence.

Stenography is a means of writing to save time, and so you only write what you hear. If you have hearing problems, then go back to knitting or other complicated things like handwriting and don’t bother. So where were we, yes? The dots and dashes are for vowels and the little lines and curves are for consonants. Of course they are not just dots and dashes and it depends on where the dot is for the actual sound of the word. If the dot is above the line then you write it higher. It might be on the line and in some dark cases it is below the line. This turns the word, as an example into “bat”, “bet” and “beat” adding the lines for a “b” and a “t”, although the lines are often halved when writing a “t” or “d” meaning that you only really have to write the “b” in a halved size. Are you with me? Of course, we are all dummies and dummies recognise dummies. Not all consonants are lines, some are curves. Oh I forgot, use lined paper and a pencil when writing. The pressure on the line is important. A “t” is a light stroke, but a “d” is a heavy line, bold and shouting to be heard.

Writing the word “love”, you will begin the word with a curve, being an “l”. Love is writing on the line and the “v”? Yes that is another simple step, the “v” would be a little hook at the end of the “l”. If you had been loveD, it would of course be a half curve and if you had lived, well that is another kettle of signs. It would be written as an “l” with a little hook and beneath the line, and the “l” is halved in its size. This is fun, I am sure you are enjoying it all. Now we can progress to shortening the shorthand, to clarify things and speed it up considerably.

“Thank you for your letter” is often the beginning of a correspondence, but as this phrase often occurs we swing through the words with curves and only write “thank for your letter” all in one outline. As “letter” has a “ter” at the end the sign is doubled. As we are now at the advanced stage of shorthand, we have began to omit the little dots and dashes for vowels as we recognise the word by its outline. What did you say? I am going too fast. Well shorthand has to be fast. Imagine recording the Gettysburg Address (write Gettysburg with two little parallel lines beneath, because it begins with a capital letter) you would have to keep up with what he was saying. Luckily it was not a long speech, but an important one so it had to be his exact words. 

Shortand can also be applied to foreign languages quite easily as you are only writing what you hear and the exact spelling is applied when writing it in longhand, although a knowledge of the foreign language is required. This could become complicated. The sign for the word “the” in english is a dot on the line and the sign for the word “a” a dot in the air. However, German has approximately 9 ways of saying “the” according to the grammatical case. If you are German this is no problem, but if you are a typical candidate for “the German dummy” you are not too sure of the correct way of saying “the”. It might be der, die, das, dem, des etc. etc. which is not so good if you only use the dot on the line and you would write the wrong word. This also applies to “a” - ein, einer, eines, einem etc.

I think this is enough for today. This evenings exercise would be to write in shorthand the poem Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll and do not forget, you only have to write in shorthand what you hear.

In the meanwhile I am putting on my special snow proof shoes with the sharp profile, wrapping myself in three layers of quilted jackets and taking my ski poles as support for a walk on the snow. Yes, I agree, that would have been easier. Oh yes I can write Pitmans stenographie, I applied it for many years in my office career and I even passed my exams in the commercial class. It is all a matter of writing what you hear as Sir Isaac Pitman, its inventor, said.

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WordPress Daily Feline Prompt: No, Meow

Is there a place in the world you never want to visit? Everywhere

“Why should Fluffy and I go somewhere else?”

“Of course Tabby, when we have the table laid in the garden, just four paws away, there is no reason to travel.”

“OK felines, I just thought you might like a change. Somewhere nice in the country with some different scenery.”

“And how do we get to this nice place Mrs. Human?”

“I would take you both in the car.”

“No way Mrs. Human. Cars are things for taking felines to vets, a real Rocky Feline Horror Picture Show. Forced into a cage, rocked up and down and then the big shock with jabs and thermometers in private places Fluffy, don’t believe her. It is all a trick to get us to go somewhere. No, we will remain where we are. Permanent full dish of food, even if it is only vitamin pellets you have to force down your throat and our own cat tray which the person we own cleans.”

“I just thought you would like a little change.”

“Tabby I do not want a change.”

“Don’t worry Fluffy, we stay where we are. See what you have done Mrs. Human, Fluffy is nervous and is spraying his territory.”

“Yes Tabby, I can smell it. Thank goodness we are in the garden.”

“Talking of the garden Mrs. Human, I think I will take a walk.”

“I will come with you Tabby. How shall we do it. A quiet sleek or a quick pounce.”

“We will combine it Fluffy. Sleek up as near as possible and when they are stuffing themselves with birdseed and think they are safe we will pounce.”

“No, Fluffy and Tabby, there will be no pouncing.”

“Mrs. Human do you have to speak in such a loud voice. That big fat juicy bird has now flown away.”

“That was the idea felines. I was thinking about a nice plate of tuna fish.”

“OK, but garnished with catnip Mrs. Human.”

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WordPress Daily Prompt: No, Thanks No. 2

Is there a place in the world you never want to visit? Where, and why not?

Not really I suppose. At the moment I would not like to visit the slopes of the Jura mountains. The photo was taken on my way to Langendorf where the famous supermarket is. It would be just 10 minutes away from my home, but looking up with a point and shoot camera is enough. I would not like to visit these slopes amidst snow and ice, but looking is OK.

So having established there there is nowhere would not like to visit, it depends on the circumstances and there are a few rules that must be observed. Do credit card machines exist in this place where I am visiting? If I am in the middle of the desert invited by Ben Ali to see his camel collection, can I buy one of his beduin carpets if I have no money and can Mr. Swiss exchange me for a camel. It all has its price Yes, of course, Ben Ali produces his machine and inserts my card  and the carpet is paid for and Mr. Swiss goes home with a camel. Even in the middle of the desert you are connected with the outside world. Actually it did happen in a carpet shop in Marrakesh in Morocco. “No problem madame” and we bought our carpet.

Is there a drug store where I can get my daily portion of golden oldie medicine to keep me fit and active? No problem, and if not, you can always buy some sort of drug somewhere. in some places people sell drugs on street corners. 

I am visiting Paris and fall off the Eiffel Tower by putting my foot in the wrong place. Anything can happen to me. Would I be transported to the nearest hospital, would I get treatment and would my sickness insurance cover the repair work in the hospital? Above all would my life insurance pay for all the trimmings if the worst came to worst. If the answer if positive, then nothing would stand in my way to go there.

I am planning a visit to Jabberwock, but there are many open questions. How do I avoid a slithy tove. They gyre and gimble all over the place and I would probably have to take a special course in defence. Borogroves would also be a problem, not to mention if the weather conditions were brillig. That is a worst case scenario if ever there was one. I called my insurance company and when I mentioned the land of Jabberwock the answer was “Where? Are you sure, you are not covered for Banderscnatch attacks, unless you have a vorpal sword for protection.” 

I then checked on the computer but found no business selling vorpal swords in my area, although there were some do-it-yourself instructions on a site named “Precautions for visits to Jabberwock”. It seemed I should shape the sword with the help of a glumphing shamble and put it in a columptable trang for a week. Afterwards it should function when taking it in hand. They did warn that it could be a long time in searching for the manxome foe, but all being well the Jabberwock will appear and whiff through the bulgy wood where I could complete the job of killing it.  Having an allergy against eyes of flame is not recommended. Apparently roasted Jabberwock trimmed with borogove pickles are quite a delicatessen when mixed with tumtum tree fruit.

So that little prompt is dealt with. Just remember you can go anywhere, do anything, but first of all consult your computer, and above all ask Lewis Carroll. He had a few good words of advice, especially when travelling to unknown places.

In the meanwhile I decided to stay at home. I am too old for these adventures. As I look out the window I see clouds of snow dust being wafted into the air by the high winds we have at the moment. The birds now wear woolly hats and little jumpers which I knitted for them. They are very fussy. The blackbirds wanted theirs in black to match their feathers, and the great tits decided on red for a contrast to their feathers. The crows just glared at me and cawed “don’t you dare” so I left it. They do not have the collective name “a  murder of crows” for nothing.

Will send you all a greetings card from Jabberwock when I arrive. The grungly train is waiting at the station driven by a frumerous bandersnatch at the wheel: all very exciting and real adventure.

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WordPress Daily Feline Prompt: Breaking the Feline Law

Think about the last time you broke a rule (a big one, not just ripping the tags off your pillows). Were you burned, or did things turn out for the best?

“Hi felines, how’s life?”

“Nera, on a visit from the Eternal Corn Chambers?”

“I saw the daily feline prompt, so thought I would look in to see how you are behaving.”

“We always behave Nera, you were a good example.”

“How’s the catnip dealing going? Any samples I can take back with me? Bastet was asking. She likes a joint after a mouse feast.”

“Fluffy, any catnip left from the last cultivation?”

“Will have a look Tabby. Yes, it was quite good quality, so we kept some in case Nera paid us a visit from that place where she now is.”

“Oh great felines, ummm that smells wonderful. Oh, yes, I can feel the quality as I rub it through my paws, Bastet will be pleased. What’s the market value?”

“We usually charge one mouse, but this is special stuff. Fluffy marked it with his scent, so it is going for three mice and a bird thrown in. For you Nera it’s free.”

“Fine, I will take two paw fulls, one for me and one for Bastet.”

“Feilnes what are you doing with that pile of catnip? Are you dealing again?”

“Nera you better go. You know how Mrs. Human gets all funny when she sees a supernatural feline walking in the garden.”

“Ok, felines and thanks for the catnip. Will call again sometime. Meow” and she was gone.

“Tabby, Fluffy, did I sort of see Nera. No it can’t be, she has passed on.”

“No, no, Mrs. Human, you must have imagined it.”

“I am not very happy with you two. I had a complaint from the human that is owned by that Sphinx feline. She said that the sphinx feline came home yesterday and was high: rolling on the floor and meowing all night. She said that it was from the catnip that you are selling in the area. It is real strong stuff this time. Now the sphinx cat has withdrawal symptoms and sleeps in the cat tray instead of on its fur bed.”

“Oh, no fuss Mrs. Human. She will soon get over it. Tell the human owned by the sphinx cat that she should give the feline cat grass. That is the best remedy and a good antidote. I think we have some on our plantations. Fluffy have a look, we planted it next to the catnip for emergency cases. And Mrs. Human tell her she should withdraw the catnip slowly. Cold tuna is not a good solution, it makes the felines nervous.”

It seems that my felines have a sideline in catnip trafficking. I will have to keep an eye on them. And I am sure I heard a Nera meow somewhere. No it can’t be, or……

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WordPress Daily Prompt: Breaking the Law 2

Think about the last time you broke a rule (a big one, not just ripping the tags off your pillows). Were you burned, or did things turn out for the best?

Since my last attempt at breaking the law when I had a plantation of weed in the garden, I have become very law abiding until ….. It was something like this.

I was leaving the supermarket after my shopping trip, glad to arrive at the car with no problem and then I felt the cold steel of handcuffs on my wrists. There were two of them, police officers dressed in their nice neat uniforms in dark blue and they had their pistols drawn. 

“Okay mam, legs apart, arms apart and lean on the car, we have to do a body search.”

Wow this was pure excitement, although I was a little uncomfortable with the leg bit. The ground was icy.

“Police Office, sir, I cannot part my arms because you have just handcuffed my wrists.”

“Fritz how long have you been a police officer?”

“Hans, it is my second week in uniform, I was at the desk before.”

“I noticed. We search the prisoner before we use the handcuffs.”

“Ok Hans.”

My handcuffs were removed. I then felt the prod of a gun in my back, so did the television thing again for the officers, wondering which film they were shooting and where the hidden camera was. I quickly came to the conclusion that this was real life. In the meanwhile the police officer known as Hans, who seemed to be the chief, was searching in my handbag.”

“You are Mrs. Angloswiss. Anything you say will be recorded and held against you.”

“What is the problem officer.”

In the meanwhile Fritz, the deskman, was searching through my shopping bag.

“Look Hans, as we suspected, three iPads, 3 iPhones and four blue teethed mice, together with one of those portable computers.”

“Fritz, you do not have to put blue tooth mouse into the plural even if there are more than one.”

“Oh, sorry Hans, it is my first computer theft.”

“I noticed. We are arresting you for iTheft Mrs, Angloswiss. Do you have anything to say in your defence.”

“Now hold on officers, I am on a quest. I was only dealing with today’s daily prompt for WordPress.”

“You write WordPress daily prompts? Would today’s prompt be “Breaking the Law”?”

“Yes, how did you know.”

“Fritz alarm Interpol, it is the fifth case today in Europe. The States report a record number of crimes carried out by WordPress Daily Prompt candidates. Mostly petty stuff, but there were a few bank robberies and kidnappings and one assassination in Silicon Valley. They shot some adroid guy called Wordy.  I think we have caught a big fish here. I remember the day well on 20th January 2013 when it all began.”

“Yes Hans, I think we studied that at police school. The were outrages all over the world. At that time Switzerland was not so hard hit, There was only one case actually known. But, wait a minute, it was a Mrs. Angloswiss. We got her for planting cannabis in the garden and it spread all over the village where she lives. She was dealing in the stuff.”

“I was not officer, I was just being creative in fulfilling the daily prompt.”

He had a long conversation with his office and then told me to relax and said I was very lucky. It seemed that due to the WordPress Prompt crimes being committed on this day, the charges would be dropped. WordPress had admitted to misleading their members. It was only figuratively speaking and not to be taken seriously. They had offered all the police officers a WordPress free dot com website and a premium theme of their choice as compensation. 

As I drive off from the scene of the crime I looked in my rearview mirror. Hans and Fritz had removed two of the stolen iPads from my shopping bag and were busy logging in somewhere. Would it be WordPress? Anyhow I still had my remaining iPad and the other stuff. Sometimes you have to be grateful for those repeated WordPress challenges.

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