What question do you hate to be asked? Why?
You must be kidding. I will answer them all except for the things that are better left unsaid. In any case I am British-Swiss. In neither countries do we have a fifth amendment or whatever, so we just keep our mouths shut and let the others work it out. I am 68 years old, have survived up to now an have no criminal record, at least none that I would admit on a public blogging forum, unless it had 50 shades. That would be different, I would earn a lot of money telling everyone about the 50 shades of questions I hate to be asked. So now to something completely different. The following is based on the truth more or less. We have excitement in our village now and again.
So I was off to the next village to the post office. They closed our village post office a year ago. Did they want to prevent our local news reaching the outside world? We now have to take a journey, the quickest way being along the country roads. There he was, a policeman standing with his right hand in a pose as if to say stop, entrance forbidden.
“Where do you think you are going madam?”
“I am going to the post office in the next village.”
“Anyone can say that, entrance is not allowed on this road.”
“I’m sorry, I always drive on this road.”
“We now have the month of March.”
“What does that have to do with it?”
“If you live in the local village you received our notification saying that this road is now closed.”
“Until when is it closed.?”
“Probably the end of March depending on the circumstances.”
“Madam would you be prepared to bear the guilt of murdering countless grass frogs, toads and alpine newts?.”
“Of course not, I am an animal friend.”
“Did you receive our letter of notification warning that usage of this road is forbidden for the sole purpose of protection our amphibian life.”
“You mean that piece of paper you are flashing in front of my eyes. It seems familiar but I am afraid I did not read it.”
“And now you are prepared to leave green smudges on the road surface where there were once frogs. You should be ashamed of yourself.?”
“Yes officer, I very much appreciate your efforts to protect our wild life, but in the meanwhile I still want to visit the post office.”
“You much drive on the main road.”
“But that would add 30 minutes on a 5 minute journey.”
“But it would mean 30 minutes on a frog’s life.” and he began to wipe the tears he shed on a police handkerchief.
“Look madam, here they come.”
I followed his gloved police finger to the direction he was pointing. I saw about ten frogs hopping across the road being guarded by two rather large toads.
“You see madam, the frogs obey our orders. They know how to discipline themselves and the toads are ensuring that the path is secure.”
“But why all the fuss.”
“Madam, you can bear your children in a hospital, but the frogs must find water and so they cross the path to reach the river and ponds where their future generations can develop.”
“I see, and so for this reason I use twice as much petrol to post a letter because the frogs will be partaking in a mating process to lay their eggs.”
“And how long will this condition last? Who knows, how long does a frog need to spawn? We have written until the end of March, but babies do not always arrive on time, and it may be April until the process has been completed. Come along frogs and newts, the path is free, hop together now. You don’t want to keep the men waiting.”
“Ok don’t rush us, we need time to hop along. Are there many men waiting?”
“Oh, yes, plenty, at east five for each female.”
“Did you hear Gertrude, sounds like a real orgy this year. Thank you Mr. Policeman and tell that ignorant human in that car to go away, she is disturbing our pre-natal meditations.”
“Did you hear madam, the female amphibians are impatient. You would be as well if you had to cross a road to reach your spawning grounds.”
“Yes, but I am human and do not need spawning grounds, all I need is a post office.”
“Then I would advise to wait until tomorrow morning perhaps to go to the post office.”
“But the road is blocked.”
“Only from now through the night. The frogs prefer the darker hours for their private life. So would you Mrs. Human.”
“Mind your own business officer. In that case I will return tomorrow morning.”
On my way home I though how considerate our police are towards the frogs, toads and newts.
Just to add this is based on the truth. Every year our country road between the village of Feldbrunnen (where I live) and Riedholz (the next village) is closed from 5.15 pm until 7,15 am during the month of March and perhaps April to allow the frogs and toads to cross without danger to enable them to reach their spawning ponds and rivers which are on the South side.