“Other people get bitten by a werewolf, but you have to meet a vampire bear.”
“It wasn't like that, honest.”
“Forget it. Every time full moon arrives I am stuck with a two meter high monster bear. Last month you were found naked in the local zoo cowering in a corner while the other bears were sizing you up for their next meal.”
“How was I to know that there are were bears out there. I was only taking walk in the forest and I saw this bear and he saw me. I thought don’t move, bears can become very dangerous when you move, but this one was different. He grunted and began to sniff.”
“All bears grunt and sniff Fred, it is in their nature. Now and again during the full moon days you grunt and sniff.”
“But this was different. He looked into my eyes and I was mesmerised. I could see the wild, the endless acres of green forests teaming with bears and then….”
“Yes I know, you told me before. And then he pounced and sank his teeth into your neck.”
“But it didn’t hurt, it was a feeling of like smoking too many joints.”
“Great, but our joint days are long finished, we are now grown up, married and thinking about a family. How sweet, you and me going for a walk with about 4 bear cubs trotting behind.
Where did you get those sweet little bear cubs? I can hear the enquiries from the curious neighbours, and what shall I tell my mother? Oh, they just arrived all together, part of the family.
“You adopted them? mum asks.”
“No, they are ours. We are thinking about building a log cabin in the nearby woods to accommodate us all when they grow.”
Sorry Fred, but this will not be bought by anyone and we will probably be locked up somewhere. You in a zoo and me in a home for psychic unsolvable problems. A film will be made “My husband the bear” and perhaps I could write a book about it.”
“This is no joke Doreen, do you think I am happy being a bear once a month for two or three days. I cannot go out and have drink with the boys and this bed is becoming too small.”
“Oh dear, your drinking nights have disappeared. Perhaps you could go out with your bear friends and eat a pot of honey with them. I am sure it would be fun. I must remember to order a king sized bed tomorrow. They are the least of my problems Fred. Your fur irritates my skin, look at that rash I have on my arms and something else, sorry, you stink. All those animals you tear apart and eat. You never clean your teeth on your bear days.”
“Doreen, werebears do not clean their teeth.”
“True. I had a look in the local store, but they only sell human toothbrushes, not even in the pet department could I find something bear friendly.”
“So where is this leading to?”
“On your bear days I suggest you move out. There must be some lonely female bear somewhere longing for a big hairy monster like you. By the way I noticed you are much bigger than the other bears.”
“Ok, I will come clean. I did meet a lovely female bear and well, we have some sweet little bear cubs. It just sort of happened, you know call of the wild and all that.”
“How sweet, why don’t you bring her along I would love to meet her.”
“Are you joking?”
“No, are you?”
“No, it’s the truth. I thought I could spend my human days here and my bear days with her.”
“Fred, this is leading nowhere. If only you were a werewolf, I could live with it. It would be a recognised complaint, something almost normal and accepted. No-one turns into a bear.*
“That’s what the bear told me that bit me. He said he escaped from a circus and felt at home with the humans. His trainer died of blood poisoning from a bear scratch and now he is free to roam in the forest. When he saw me he just couldn’t control himself and it sort of happened. Both of us did not realise that we would change.”
“You mean”
“Yes, just imagine the problems his wife has when he turns into a human once a month.”
She'll just have to grin and bear it !!! LOL.
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