What are the top items on your anti-bucket list — those things you never, ever want to do, places you never want to visit, books you never want to read, etc.?
Looks like we have one of those happy-go-lucky prompts today, so I though to suit the theme I would show a grave, not just a grave, but that of the German actor Curd Jürgens. One of my photos from a visit to the Central cemetery in Vienna. Why so dismal? I am not sure, but if someone “kicks the bucket” in England it means that they have gone to the happy hunting grounds, never to return.
So now to compose a list of things I would never, ever do. Where to start?
Books? Yes, I would never read 50 Shades of Anything. I once read a sample from this book and decided that books full of repetition are not my thing. I mean she might be doing it in a different was but it all boils down to the same thing. Lady Chatterly’s Lover was more interesting. At least it goes under the name of literature. with some agricultural scene from the english countryside. I can back this up by saying that I would never go and see the film, 50 Shades of Grey even if Bruce Willis (one of my favourite action men) and Madonna (not so favourite, but she would do anything to make a name) were playing the main characters.
I do not want to be the Queen of England. This is a boring job with nothing worthwhile to do. Visiting senior citizen homes, sitting on a horse at the Trooping of the Colour and hoping that you do not fall off, and wearing funny hats all the time. Of course, now and again you can dig in at a banquet. Eating all that fancy stuff like venison, crepe suzette and caviar and suffering from indigestion afterwards. The Queen has never been asked what she really wanted to eat. Perhaps she longs for the meals that her mum cooked when she was younger, pie and mash, fish and chips, although somehow I do not think that her mum ever cooked anything. You never see the queen wearing a dressing gown, slippers or a hairnet, being comfortable around the palace. I am sure she has never discovered the thrill of taking a walk around the palace carpets with a vacuum cleaner. I am sure she would love to go to a sports meeting without having to present the prizes. Shaking the sweaty hands of the winners cannot be fun. All those boring tennis matches at Wimbledon where you have to stuff yourselves full with strawberries and cream in the break because there is nothing else on offer.
Let us move on. No, I do not want to do a bungy jump, I get giddy from heights. I also do not want to partake in sports, except perhaps for a game of draughts or snakes and ladders. I no longer want to look after my garden after Autumn. I discovered this morning when I was collecting the thousands of fallen leaves for the second time in two weeks (where do they all come from) that I am not cut out for this. Bending, raking, putting them in the bin are no longer my thing. Unfortunately you cannot just throw everything on the anti bucket list, even if you do not want to do it. Afterwards I collapsed on the bed. Mr. Swiss appeared from nowhere and swept the remainders together. I was kaput and I had a 5 star lunch to cook and serve.
I do not want to be a politician. This is too risky today. You might be on the wrong side, most of them are and you have to hold wise speeches to encourage everyone to vote for you. What would happen if you did something wrong, like banning pingbacks from daily life. You would be exposed to having raw eggs thrown at you from the unsatisfied electors. No, this is a dangerous job and you might, probably always will, make the wrong decisions which will definitely force most of the members of your party to leave.
Otherwise I am quite satisfied with my life as it is. No anti bucket stuff, just plain old get up in the morning, have breakfast, switch on the computer, clean through the apartment and cook lunch. Afternoon: me time and evenings spent reading a book - I do not want an anti-bucket list, I just want my ping backs to return.
I can think of a few places I wouldn't want to visit.....Iraq and Syria spring to mind for a start!!
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