Tuesday, 12 August 2014

WordPress Weekly Writing Challenge: Manifesto

This week make a forceful case for something

There are rules to observe to avoid annoying other bloggers.

1. Do not plaster your blogs with videos of music. You will love the music I am sure, but not all enjoy the thud, thud, thud of Punk or the girlie screams of twerking. Some of us prefer the more subdued golden oldie rhythms of the olden days, Frank Sinatra also had his qualities. Some of us grey haired almost brain dead even appreciate the sounds of Rock and Roll. Bill Haley was one of us and we shared his talent for swinging our hips, we could even swing them in the fifties when he first appeared. Elvis Presley had his appeal, although we did not combine the word “sex” to appeal at that time. Sex only existed on the back seat of a car, in a quiet layby in the woods or in the back seat of the movies. If mum and dad were away, then it was more luck than judgement. Restraining music tastes is a welcome effect to soothe your blog. Unless you wrote the song and performed it yourself, then keep your recycled YouTube videos for private viewing.

2. Do not begin every sentence or paragraph with the word “I”. We know it is all about you, otherwise you would not know what to write. “I killed my boyfriend because I saw him kiss my girlfriend” is not a very inviting sentence in a blog. It only interests if you explain the details. Was it a stabbing, did you decapitate him, strangle him or was it just an accident when you pointed the gun and it went off. You might have poisoned him, then make your blog more interesting by telling us all about the method you used. Strychnine is a bit old fashioned, the celebrity murderers of the 19th century used strychnine. Perhaps you used a fashion drug such as Ecstasy, Ketamine, PCP or Ephedrine which take longer to work, but when you go you go with a bang. It makes headlines and your blogging public will cling to every word. One of the reasons that you should absolutely write under a false name. We do not want the site closed by the Federal police.

3. Do not talk about politics. We all have our own ideas about the best man to run the country. If he is assassinated because you criticised his ruling method, you will definitely be included in the Top Ten FBI Most Wanted List and would also discredit your blogging site host.

4. Steer away from religion. We do not all belong to the same club and some of us do not even have a club. Someone might want to convert you, you might be drawn into a complicated discussion where you do not know what the other person is talking about and eventually you do not remember why you started it all.

5. Read the other blogs. They might bore you. They might be blogs you have seen before because the writer was too lazy to think of something new, so he just reposted showing at least 50 likes at the bottom. Avoid these blogs and do not be confused. The 50 likes were collected in various other places. His blog is not more popular than yours; it has just been reblogged more. These trolling bloggers spoil it for others. There is a lot of good stuff out there, not as good as your own. You are always the best, do not forget this. You should always be open for the other ideas. It will widen your spectrum of blog, even if you are upset when closing the computer, realising that what you had written is bollocks and what the other smarty pants wrote was a perfect example of an intelligent blog. Remember to ignore his blog the next time he writes, that will teach him a lesson.

6. By all means decorate your blog with a photo, but with your own photo, unique, never been seen before. Do not copy paste from Wikipedia or another web site without good reason. Do not forget, if the title of the blog subject might be “My favourite film star” and you decide to copy a photo of Brad Pitt, remember Brad Pitt is loved and adored by a lot of the feminine blog fans. On almost every blog on the subject you visit there will be a photo of Brad Pitt, each one the same. If you use one of your own photos, then put your copyright on it. You do not want your children being shown on a blog theme about juvenile delinquents, even if they are.

7. Above all, be nice to each other, even if you hate the other and are jealous of their success. You never know, they might be hackers, and having your blog hacked is not very pleasant. I would advise ordering a t-shirt from your blog hoster (two sizes larger than you generally wear, just to be sure it will fit – I am speaking from personal experience). Wear this t-shirt in the supermarket, in town, on the train, at a sports meeting. Other bloggers might recognise you as a fellow blogger and parties will be organised, perhaps even blogging competitions. Yes, life can be fun if you are a blogger, love your fellow bloggers almost like yourself, but always remember you are the best.


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