“Hello, control Zürich, Swiss Mars mission mark one reporting from
the red planet. We I had touchdown and everything fine.”
“Hello Swiss Mars mission mark one, yes we can hear you clear. Congratulations, a small step for mankind, but a big step for Switzerland. How are things up there?”
“Fine, I am feeling OK and no problems but it is a very boring planet. I took a walk this morning, but it was more a float and the vegetation leaves a lot to be desired. I do not think it was a good idea to use Mars as our next project for the numbered bank accounts. Everything is covered in red dust and the bank notes will probably be swamped in the stuff. I buried a few thousand dollars this morning, but cannot find where I buried them. I marked the place with a Swiss flag, but the Swiss flag sunk into the red earth and afterwards it was covered with a sort of strange fungus which seems to grow everywhere. No, Mars was a mistake, I will be glad to return. I already miss cervelat and rösti (Swiss sausage and fried potato – one of the Swiss national dishes). I know you processed it in the plastic bags toeat
drink through a straw, but it is just not the same. The question is, when will
I be returning, I cannot wait to get back.”
“Err, well that is a little problem Swiss Mars Mission mark one, we did a great job getting you up there but we have lost the plans for a return flight.”
“You did what?”
“Well we were so proud to have a Swiss citizen on planet Mars, even if you were originally English, but you have a Swiss passport. You will be granted a Swiss cross as a reward.”
“Zürich control, I want a return ticket, I cannot wear the Swiss cross here as I do not have it.”
“Of course you do, Swiss mission, we packed it in the bag under your seat, as a surprise and reward for your efforts. It has a magnetic plate attached and you can hang it on a metal part of your spacesuit for all to see.”
“Fantastic Zürich control, the problem being that there is no-one here to see it. Beam me back Zürich.”
“Just a minute, we are not playing Spaceship Enterprise, we are a Swiss spaceship, the very first and we do not do beaming. We just reverse the engines and you are on your way to Earth. The problem being…….”
“that you lost the plans for the return flight. Great Zürich, so I am to spend the rest of my days walking around on planet Mars wearing a Swiss Cross as a reward that no-one can see and drink cervelat and rösti through a tube as long as supplies last.”
“Do not worry Swiss Mars Mission One, the food supplies will last for at least a year, and until then wemight will probably find the plans and will
send a rescue craft. In the meanwhile think how your money will be gathering
interest in our Swiss bank. Is there anything we can do for you whilst you are
away?”
“Yes, find the plans and feed my felines.”
“Of course, just a moment, we have a postive development Swiss Mars Mission. The Russians and Americans have started a joint enterprise and will be flying past Mars with their rocket.”
“You mean I will be rescued.”
“Not exactly, but they will throw a parachute your way holding a container with 200 MacDonald hamburgers and 200 Chicken Nuggets as well as 100 tins of caviar, all liquidised for simple eating through a straw.
Hello Mars Mission Mark One, are you hearing us, we have lost you.”
And so the first Swiss arrival on Planet Mars was successful. The first Swiss to arrive on the planet is still there and still wears the Swiss Cross medal whilst saluting the Swiss flag he planted on the planet Mars. In the meanwhile the first friendly Martians arrived and they just love Rösti and Cervelat. The Swiss Astronaut also acquired a taste for the fungus growing on the planet, garnished with caviar, or mixed with liquid hamburger.
The Astronaut no longer misses Earth, the last we heard he married a Martian lady and has six Martian children (they always come in six packs) who love rosti.
“Hello Swiss Mars mission mark one, yes we can hear you clear. Congratulations, a small step for mankind, but a big step for Switzerland. How are things up there?”
“Fine, I am feeling OK and no problems but it is a very boring planet. I took a walk this morning, but it was more a float and the vegetation leaves a lot to be desired. I do not think it was a good idea to use Mars as our next project for the numbered bank accounts. Everything is covered in red dust and the bank notes will probably be swamped in the stuff. I buried a few thousand dollars this morning, but cannot find where I buried them. I marked the place with a Swiss flag, but the Swiss flag sunk into the red earth and afterwards it was covered with a sort of strange fungus which seems to grow everywhere. No, Mars was a mistake, I will be glad to return. I already miss cervelat and rösti (Swiss sausage and fried potato – one of the Swiss national dishes). I know you processed it in the plastic bags to
“Err, well that is a little problem Swiss Mars Mission mark one, we did a great job getting you up there but we have lost the plans for a return flight.”
“You did what?”
“Well we were so proud to have a Swiss citizen on planet Mars, even if you were originally English, but you have a Swiss passport. You will be granted a Swiss cross as a reward.”
“Zürich control, I want a return ticket, I cannot wear the Swiss cross here as I do not have it.”
“Of course you do, Swiss mission, we packed it in the bag under your seat, as a surprise and reward for your efforts. It has a magnetic plate attached and you can hang it on a metal part of your spacesuit for all to see.”
“Fantastic Zürich control, the problem being that there is no-one here to see it. Beam me back Zürich.”
“Just a minute, we are not playing Spaceship Enterprise, we are a Swiss spaceship, the very first and we do not do beaming. We just reverse the engines and you are on your way to Earth. The problem being…….”
“that you lost the plans for the return flight. Great Zürich, so I am to spend the rest of my days walking around on planet Mars wearing a Swiss Cross as a reward that no-one can see and drink cervelat and rösti through a tube as long as supplies last.”
“Do not worry Swiss Mars Mission One, the food supplies will last for at least a year, and until then we
“Yes, find the plans and feed my felines.”
“Of course, just a moment, we have a postive development Swiss Mars Mission. The Russians and Americans have started a joint enterprise and will be flying past Mars with their rocket.”
“You mean I will be rescued.”
“Not exactly, but they will throw a parachute your way holding a container with 200 MacDonald hamburgers and 200 Chicken Nuggets as well as 100 tins of caviar, all liquidised for simple eating through a straw.
Hello Mars Mission Mark One, are you hearing us, we have lost you.”
And so the first Swiss arrival on Planet Mars was successful. The first Swiss to arrive on the planet is still there and still wears the Swiss Cross medal whilst saluting the Swiss flag he planted on the planet Mars. In the meanwhile the first friendly Martians arrived and they just love Rösti and Cervelat. The Swiss Astronaut also acquired a taste for the fungus growing on the planet, garnished with caviar, or mixed with liquid hamburger.
The Astronaut no longer misses Earth, the last we heard he married a Martian lady and has six Martian children (they always come in six packs) who love rosti.
McD's will probably have a branch open on Mars within the year so real hamburgers can be had!! LOL.
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