Photographers, artists, poets: show us PRECIOUS.
Now that is not a difficult decision to make is it? Taking everything into consideration, the gift of writing, the spectacular ideas and the impression I leave on the public, there can be only one answer.
“Mrs.Human, Mrs. Human”
This must be serious Nera is waving her paw in the air.
“Yes Nera, I was just beginning one of my epic blogs.”
“Mrs. Human before you begin there are a few things you seem to have forgotten. To avoid any further misunderstanding and twisting of the facts, the person in your life that can do no wrong is of course I, me and myself, followed by my assistant Tabby and apprentice Fluffy. You come at a third place, although I think you should ask Mr. Swiss what his opinion is.”
“Nera, there seems to be a misunderstanding. The person in question makes no mistakes and is perfect.”
“Exactly Mrs. Human, do I make mistakes? Am I perfect? Of course. Were it not for me our home would be infested with mice. Due to my care they remain where they belong, in the garden cupboard and in their lairs under the earth in the garden.”
“But Nera ……”
“No buts Mrs. Human. Now and again my team and I bring you a mouse offering, but it is not appreciated. You clinically wrap them in paper and dispose of them in the trash. They are trophies to show how clever we felines are.”
“Nera if it was not for me, you would go hungry. Tins of tuna fish are not paw friendly and you would have to live on vitamin rich food pellets. Imagine a life without tuna fish.”
“You have a point Mrs. Human but smoked salmon also serves its purpose and that comes in scratch friendly plastic which is no problem for an intelligent gifted feline as myself.”
“Do not forget Nera I am the person that keeps your cat tray empty and smelling fresh. I also clean away the crumbs of the litter that you spread when you visit the tray. You just mindlessly scoop it all up with your paws, spreading it all over the floor. Without me there would be one mess and smell.”
“Does it come to your human brain, that we felines perhaps prefer it that way. Humans think we want a litter free corner. If we were living in the wild, where we should be living, we would not have a cat tray. The world would be our toilet and we felines would be able to mark our territory with no problem. We have twice as much work with the human system. As soon as we are outside we are left to ourselves, to fight off any intruders and to protect the zone surrounding our home. This is never appreciated Mrs Human. All we felines hear are complaints to stop fighting the feline invaders in our area and not to make such noises. As far as the word "smell" is concerned, that is a matter of taste.
Mrs. Human the humans also make strange noises and they are often painful to our sensitive ears: much too loud and high.
The most successful blogs you have written are those where I, my assistant Tabby and apprentice Fluffy write them for you. We supply the good ideas and all you do is to type them on your paw unfriendly keyboard. Your followers are not following you, they are following me. Our brother lion might be the King of the Jungle, but we felines are the Kings and Queens of the Human households. Do not forget, we chose to live with you.”
“I thought I chose you Nera.”
“Don’t think too much Mrs. Human, actions speak louder than words. I can hear Tabby scratching the litter together in the cat tray. Move and clear it up, otherwise it might smell to a human nose, although to a feline it is the scent of life.”
On second thoughts, shall I nominate Mr. Swiss???
This must be serious Nera is waving her paw in the air.
“Yes Nera, I was just beginning one of my epic blogs.”
“Mrs. Human before you begin there are a few things you seem to have forgotten. To avoid any further misunderstanding and twisting of the facts, the person in your life that can do no wrong is of course I, me and myself, followed by my assistant Tabby and apprentice Fluffy. You come at a third place, although I think you should ask Mr. Swiss what his opinion is.”
“Nera, there seems to be a misunderstanding. The person in question makes no mistakes and is perfect.”
“Exactly Mrs. Human, do I make mistakes? Am I perfect? Of course. Were it not for me our home would be infested with mice. Due to my care they remain where they belong, in the garden cupboard and in their lairs under the earth in the garden.”
“But Nera ……”
“No buts Mrs. Human. Now and again my team and I bring you a mouse offering, but it is not appreciated. You clinically wrap them in paper and dispose of them in the trash. They are trophies to show how clever we felines are.”
“Nera if it was not for me, you would go hungry. Tins of tuna fish are not paw friendly and you would have to live on vitamin rich food pellets. Imagine a life without tuna fish.”
“You have a point Mrs. Human but smoked salmon also serves its purpose and that comes in scratch friendly plastic which is no problem for an intelligent gifted feline as myself.”
“Do not forget Nera I am the person that keeps your cat tray empty and smelling fresh. I also clean away the crumbs of the litter that you spread when you visit the tray. You just mindlessly scoop it all up with your paws, spreading it all over the floor. Without me there would be one mess and smell.”
“Does it come to your human brain, that we felines perhaps prefer it that way. Humans think we want a litter free corner. If we were living in the wild, where we should be living, we would not have a cat tray. The world would be our toilet and we felines would be able to mark our territory with no problem. We have twice as much work with the human system. As soon as we are outside we are left to ourselves, to fight off any intruders and to protect the zone surrounding our home. This is never appreciated Mrs Human. All we felines hear are complaints to stop fighting the feline invaders in our area and not to make such noises. As far as the word "smell" is concerned, that is a matter of taste.
Mrs. Human the humans also make strange noises and they are often painful to our sensitive ears: much too loud and high.
The most successful blogs you have written are those where I, my assistant Tabby and apprentice Fluffy write them for you. We supply the good ideas and all you do is to type them on your paw unfriendly keyboard. Your followers are not following you, they are following me. Our brother lion might be the King of the Jungle, but we felines are the Kings and Queens of the Human households. Do not forget, we chose to live with you.”
“I thought I chose you Nera.”
“Don’t think too much Mrs. Human, actions speak louder than words. I can hear Tabby scratching the litter together in the cat tray. Move and clear it up, otherwise it might smell to a human nose, although to a feline it is the scent of life.”
On second thoughts, shall I nominate Mr. Swiss???
I have yet to meet this mythological creature...the person who can do no wrong. If I spot them, I'll let you know :-))
ReplyDeleteI married him
ReplyDelete