Dracula decided to spend the evening with
the television, a nice comfortable evening at home in the castle. His life
story had yet again been made as a film and it was being shown that evening. He
always felt rather flattered, each film was something different. This time Flad
Gritt had been chosen to play the vampire killer, one of Dracula’s favourite
actors.
“What are we doing this evening Dracky?”
and Dementia his wife entered the room.
“Dementia I am a count, and would
appreciate being called Dracula at least, and this evening we are having a nice
comfortable evening in front of the television.”
“Oh no Dracky, this evening is Halloween,
it is our evening, everyone on the look out for a few horror film types like
us, and we are genuine, just think of the nice fresh blood on the streets.”
“No Dementia, does not come into the
question. The fridge is full of blood conserves I collected on my last night
out in town. Why go to the effort of biting and sucking, when it is all
hygienically packed and ready to use. I don’t like jumping on those living
blood conserves these days. The human race is not as it used to be, might get
some sort of disease. Deadly Ernest is not even leaving his coffin at the
moment, still curing his attack of swine flu; most degrading, a vampire with
swine flu.”
Dementia was not satisfied.
“But Dracky, Dracula or whatever, we havn’t
been out for so long, and the taste of those blood conserves is just not the
same. I even swallowed a piece of plastic packing last week. Come on Dracky, I
bought a real nice costume for the occasion.”
“Dementia stop tantalising my neck with
your teeth, keep them for a better purpose. I saw a cat outside in the yard. If
you want something alive, then go and get it. Give me my warm slippers, my feet
are cold; probably bad circulation.”
“Dracula you are becoming a grumpy old
undead. If we go out it will do your circulation good, and we might even get a
few treats from the living. Look at this dress I bought, isn’t it sexy?”
Dracula froze the picture on the
television, it was just getting to the part where the vampire was preparing to
plunge his teeth into the victim’s neck and he did not want to miss that part.
“That is a dress? How much did that cost?”
“It was very reasonable, only a couple of
hundred.”
“Sorry Dementia you have been had. You paid
so much for just a few black rags.”
“It’s a Halloween costume, but you being
lazy, I suppose we can only watch that stupid old film on television instead of
me wearing it. I don’t know what you see in those films, plastic teeth and
tomato ketchup. If we go out we get the real thing and it will do you good, but
take those slippers off before we go. Who has seen a vampire wearing slippers.”
OK Dementia, just for the sake of peace and
quiet; flying or walking?”
“Walking of course, let’s mix with the
living for a change.”
And Dementia and Dracula left the castle,
but only after Dracula had dressed properly. Dementia did not like going out
with Dracula when he was wearing his blue jeans and a t-shirt. She found it
beneath their dignity.
They walked down the street and were soon
confronted by some young humans, one dressed as a werewolf and the other with a
skeleton costume.
“Trick or treat” the werewolf said.
“Clear off” answered Dracula “I am not in
the mood for such stupidity.
“Dracky, be nice to the young men” said
Dementia.
“Your should listen to your lady friend”
said the skeleton, “otherwise you won’t look like a vampire, we will make some
real blood and you will be the genuine thing, so let’s have a treat. Some money
will do.”
“Please leave me alone with your threats, I
don’t need money and have none.”
It was then that the werewolf and the
skeleton pulled out two large knives from under their costume and attacked
Dracula. They were not prepared
for what happened.
“Did you see that Fred?” said the werewolf
to the skeleton, “there is no blood. I stuck my knife into his arm and nothing
happened.”
“Yea, funny thing Joe.”
“Oh, I see you two want to see blood, Well
just let me have your neck, I have the right tools for drawing blood.”
After seeing Dracula’s grin showing his
real, genuine teeth, the two yobs ran off.
“Did you have to do that Dracky?”
“What did you expect Dementia, that I would
let myself be made a fool of by two dressed up living bodies. When I think of
Jacko, my pet werewolf at home, he would have been insulted. Should have taken him with us.”
“Dracula you are a spoil sport. Look there
are some children coming.”
“Trick or treat
mister.”
Dracula was just preparing to pounce when
Dementia pushed him away. “No Dracky, does not come into the question. Come
here children here are a few treats for you”, and she produce some candy from
her handbag and gave it to the children.
“Are you mad Dementia, that was a few
helpings of fresh young blood you have sent on their way.”
“Dracky we were all young once. Don’t you
remember how your parents always gave you candies at Halloween when you knocked
at their door dressed up in a Halloween costume.”
“Well come to think of it Dementia, no not
really. Back in the old country we didn’t go in for that sort of thing. We were
more for reality.”
And our two brave vampires made their way
through town, Dementia giving out her treats where she could, and Dracula
trying to be good, suppressing his desire for a nice evening meal at the sight
of so much fresh meat. Eventually Dementia gave in and allowed Dracula to fetch
some fresh blood conserves from the hospital on the way home.
They arrived home tired and happy. Dementia
was happy because she recaptured some of her childhood memories, and Dracula
because he could at last see the new vampire film. He was a little bit
disappointed at the end of the film. Flad Gritt killed the vampire with a
nicely sharpened stake, straight into the heart. Dracula just prefers happy
endings, where the vampire retires to his coffin and lives happily ever after
and after and after.
Oooooo - spoooky! Good Halloween story!!
ReplyDeleteNow I can't get the image of Drac dressed in jeans and t-shirt out of my head!!! LOL.
ReplyDeleteGlad I didn't read this on 31st! Nice story.
ReplyDelete