Dracula decided to spend the evening with the television, a nice comfortable evening at home in the castle. His life story had yet again been made as a film and it was being shown that evening. He always felt rather flattered, each film was something different. This time Flad Gritt had been chosen to play the vampire killer, one of Dracula’s favourite actors.
“What are we doing this evening Dracky?” and Dementia his wife entered the room.
“Dementia I am a count, and would appreciate being called Dracula at least, and this evening we are having a nice comfortable evening in front of the television.”
“Oh no Dracky, this evening is Halloween, it is our evening, everyone on the look out for a few horror film types like us, and we are genuine, just think of the nice fresh blood on the streets.”
“No Dementia, does not come into the question. The fridge is full of blood conserves I collected on my last night out in town. Why go to the effort of biting and sucking, when it is all hygienically packed and ready to use. I don’t like jumping on those living blood conserves these days. The human race is not as it used to be, might get some sort of disease. Deadly Ernest is not even leaving his coffin at the moment, still curing his attack of swine flu; most degrading, a vampire with swine flu.”
Dementia was not satisfied.
“But Dracky, Dracula or whatever, we havn’t been out for so long, and the taste of those blood conserves is just not the same. I even swallowed a piece of plastic packing last week. Come on Dracky, I bought a real nice costume for the occasion.”
“Dementia stop tantalising my neck with your teeth, keep them for a better purpose. I saw a cat outside in the yard. If you want something alive, then go and get it. Give me my warm slippers, my feet are cold; probably bad circulation.”
“Dracula you are becoming a grumpy old undead. If we go out it will do your circulation good, and we might even get a few treats from the living. Look at this dress I bought, isn’t it sexy?”
Dracula froze the picture on the television, it was just getting to the part where the vampire was preparing to plunge his teeth into the victim’s neck and he did not want to miss that part.
“That is a dress? How much did that cost?”
“It was very reasonable, only a couple of hundred.”
“Sorry Dementia you have been had. You paid so much for just a few black rags.”
“It’s a Halloween costume, but you being lazy, I suppose we can only watch that stupid old film on television instead of me wearing it. I don’t know what you see in those films, plastic teeth and tomato ketchup. If we go out we get the real thing and it will do you good, but take those slippers off before we go. Who has seen a vampire wearing slippers.”
OK Dementia, just for the sake of peace and quiet; flying or walking?”
“Walking of course, let’s mix with the living for a change.”
And Dementia and Dracula left the castle, but only after Dracula had dressed properly. Dementia did not like going out with Dracula when he was wearing his blue jeans and a t-shirt. She found it beneath their dignity.
They walked down the street and were soon confronted by some young humans, one dressed as a werewolf and the other with a skeleton costume.
“Trick or treat” the werewolf said.
“Clear off” answered Dracula “I am not in the mood for such stupidity.
“Dracky, be nice to the young men” said Dementia.
“Your should listen to your lady friend” said the skeleton, “otherwise you won’t look like a vampire, we will make some real blood and you will be the genuine thing, so let’s have a treat. Some money will do.”
“Please leave me alone with your threats, I don’t need money and have none.”
It was then that the werewolf and the skeleton pulled out two large knives from under their costume and attacked Dracula. They were not prepared for what happened.
“Did you see that Fred?” said the werewolf to the skeleton, “there is no blood. I stuck my knife into his arm and nothing happened.”
“Yea, funny thing Joe.”
“Oh, I see you two want to see blood, Well just let me have your neck, I have the right tools for drawing blood.”
After seeing Dracula’s grin showing his real, genuine teeth, the two yobs ran off.
“Did you have to do that Dracky?”
“What did you expect Dementia, that I would let myself be made a fool of by two dressed up living bodies. When I think of Jacko, my pet werewolf at home, he would have been insulted. Should have taken him with us.”
“Dracula you are a spoil sport. Look there are some children coming.”
“Trick or treat mister.”
Dracula was just preparing to pounce when Dementia pushed him away. “No Dracky, does not come into the question. Come here children here are a few treats for you”, and she produce some candy from her handbag and gave it to the children.
“Are you mad Dementia, that was a few helpings of fresh young blood you have sent on their way.”
“Dracky we were all young once. Don’t you remember how your parents always gave you candies at Halloween when you knocked at their door dressed up in a Halloween costume.”
“Well come to think of it Dementia, no not really. Back in the old country we didn’t go in for that sort of thing. We were more for reality.”
And our two brave vampires made their way through town, Dementia giving out her treats where she could, and Dracula trying to be good, suppressing his desire for a nice evening meal at the sight of so much fresh meat. Eventually Dementia gave in and allowed Dracula to fetch some fresh blood conserves from the hospital on the way home.
They arrived home tired and happy. Dementia was happy because she recaptured some of her childhood memories, and Dracula because he could at last see the new vampire film. He was a little bit disappointed at the end of the film. Flad Gritt killed the vampire with a nicely sharpened stake, straight into the heart. Dracula just prefers happy endings, where the vampire retires to his coffin and lives happily ever after and after and after.