Sunday, 22 September 2013

The Claw

Fluffy Claw

The three cats are having a serious discussion.

“What do you think Nera? Do you have a plan?”

“Of course I do. Fluffy bring me your claw.”

“Which one Nera, I have four on each leg. Oh, I forgot, except for one front leg, there I now only have three. I knocked one out yesterday when I fell off a chair.”

“Fluffy, be careful with your claws. When they are gone, they are gone.”

“Oh yes Nera, you should know, I think you lost a paw full a couple of years ago when you fell off the cat tree and broke your foot.”

“I did not fall off the cat tree Fluffy, I was distracted by Tabby who was fooling around.”

“Nera if I remember rightly, you were enjoying every moment of that game we were playing” answered Tabby.

“Ok, Ok, forget it. This time we will do it right.” Nera always seemed to know the answer.

“Fluffy you have lost a claw, and now we will tell Mrs. Human about the Claw Monster.

“Err Nera, who is the Claw Monster?” Tabby had doubt in her eyes. “I have never heard of the Claw Monster.”

“If you lose a claw then we felines must turn it to our advantage. If a human kitten loses a tooth, what do they do?”

“We havn’t a clue Nera, but I am sure in your wisdom you know the answer” said Fluffy and Tabby in unison.

“Of course; a human kitten is told by its human to put it under the pillow when it goes to bed and the next morning the tooth fairy has replaced the tooth with money.”

“Big deal Nera” said Tabby. “We are talking about a claw and not a tooth and what do we felines need money for. That is a human thing, when they buy our tins of tuna fish.”

“Exactly Tabby, now you are arriving at the solution. Fluffy show Mrs. Human your broken damaged claw and tell her the sad story of how you lost it in a fight with Rosti, the ginger tom from next door.”

“But Nera, that is not true. I fell off a chair and it broke” said Fluffy.

“Fluffy since when do we felines tell the truth, if we can avoid it? First of all you have to gain sympathy from Mrs. Human. You know how she cares for us when we have a fight over territorial rights and she will be so proud of you losing a claw defending our lives. She dislikes the ginger tom next door.” Nera was so pleased with herself.

“But Nera, what is the point in telling Mrs. Human a story about losing my claw?”

“You tell her about the Claw Monster that collects broken claws and brings them to Bast, our leader in the corn chambers of Egypt, who replaces each broken claw with a tin of tuna fish, to be given to the feline that has lost the claw and his fellow felines living in the same commune. You tell Mrs. Human that if you put it under your sleeping cushion tonight Bast will reward you with a tin of tuna fish to be shared to all felines living here. If it is not shared, then it will not work.”

“Nera” said Tabby “are you sure she will believe us. A tooth fairy is a little bit different to a Claw Monster. A fairy is something friendly and endearing, but a Claw Monster sounds like a threat from the feline underworld.

“Of course” answered Nera “we have to integrate respect into the whole situation, that Mrs. Human believes she is doing something good. You know how these humans go all soft when they see that we felines are suffering.”

“But Nera” said Fluffy “I am not suffering. I just gave my paw a lick and everything is OK. Aw, that hurt Nera, you did not have to give me a swipe with your paw.”

“Yes, Fluffy, but now you are suffering with a tear in your eye. So go to Mrs. Human and tell her all about it.”

After five minutes Fluffy returned to Nera and Tabby.

“So what did she say Fluffy?” asked Nera.

“She said that tomorrow is Wednesday and we always have our tuna fish ration on Wednesday. She found it was a sweet story, she wiped the tear from my eye and said I should put the claw under my cushion and tomorrow there will be tuna fish for all of us because we always have it on Wednesday. She also found that a Claw Monster sounds frightening, more a threat than a benevolent feline and the next time Nera wants to invent a story, she should choose another name. A Claw Collector would sound better. And she also said to give her best wishes to Bast the next time you see her.”


  1. Sounds like Mrs Human is up to scratch on knowing when a feline tall-tale is being told!!! LOL.

  2. Aw, I hope the Claw Collector came.