“No, Mrs. Human, no way, we do not have a death wish.”
Nera the chief cat was speaking on behalf of Tabby and Fluffy. Mr. Human and I thought it was such a good idea.
“But felines, you know that your favourite sleeping place is in your special comfy cushions on top of the cupboard. You like high up places.”
Tabby decided to have her say.
“Yes Mrs. Human, but neither I, nor my feline clan are going to walk up that funny looking staircase to get there. We prefer the system we had before. There was a table with lots of cardboard boxes. We could jump from the box to the first cupboard top and then a spring to our favourite sleeping place on the next cupboard, where we could keep our territory under observation.”
“But Tabby, Nera, Mr. Human spent some time in putting up your cat ladder. It is even a special ladder designed for elderly felines, with wider steps. The room also now looks much better and it is easier to clean ”
“Now you are adding insult to a possible injury” said Nera with a stamp of a paw. "We are neither elderly and nor do we need wider steps. We have dainty paws and do not stamp around everywhere like the humans. This new construction does not comply with the health and safety rules in the feline code, and we will not use it. Who cares what the room looks like, it has to be feline friendly.”
“No, Mrs. Human, no way.”
“But Nera, it seems to be a good idea.” That was a meow from Fluffy.
“Fluffy, you are not asked” continued Nera. “If this construction is too dangerous for Tabby and myself, then I cannot imagine that a blind cat will be able to use it.”
“No problem Nera” was Fluffy’s answer, which astonished me as well. “I climbed up the cupboard before we had this funny ladder thing and reached the top.”
Now I had to say a few words.
“Yes, Fluffy and then you meowed incessantly until Mr. Human picked you up and removed you down to the floor again. You seem to have lost you way, and it was very dangerous. If you had jumped, you could have made a very bad injury. So I cannot imagine that you would ever try to climb the new ladder.”
“Of course he would” said Tabby.
“Yes, of course I would” confirmed Fluffy.
“It’s obvious that Fluffy would climb this ladder Mrs. Human” was Nera’s opinion.
“OK, felines, you understand more about the feline angle on life than I do, so why would it be so obvious that Fluffy would climb this ladder which seems to be against the H & S rules of feline life?”
And Nera and Tabby answered together “Because it is there” in a loud voice in meow.
I did not give up, so gave it another try.
“OK Fluffy, this new ladder is out of bounds for you, you have enough other places to sleep. But Nera, Tabby, look. I have even put your favourite toys on the ladder to help you find the way. I could even spray a little cat nip essence on the steps as an extra help.”
“Sorry Mrs. Human, no way. Felines do not have toys, we have training appliances to keep us fit and spraying cat nip is just a little bit dangerous. Tabby is addicted to cat nip and when she goes on a trip it might be that she forgets which paw comes next and that might result in one of those feline accidents resulting in an expensive visit to the vet” said Nera.
I saw the sense in this combined with the word “expensive”. In the meanwhile Nera decided to move onto the top of the cat centre as an alternative sleeping place and Tabby made herself comfortable on my bed, which was not something I welcomed.
So I now have a brand new, well constructed and solid cat ladder, but no cats that use it. Who knows, one day they might try it out. When they do I promise a photo (and a blog).