Wednesday, 28 October 2009

MULTIPLY Pete's Pick Week #11: Evolution

“Mrs. Human, you know you humans really got things at the wrong end of the stick with that evolution stuff.”

and my chief big, fat, long haired, black cat seems to have been reading again.

“What do you mean Nera, it is a natural logical development that we were probably descendants of the apes.”

“Mrs. Human, there I do have to say you are right. When you look at an ape and his actions and study a human, there is not so much difference.”

“Nera you do not have to be insulting. Don’t forget the cats were somewhere in the line as well. When the first fish grew legs and left water and started to roam on the land, mammals eventually developed, amongst them the cats.”

“Sorry to disagree Mrs. Human, but the feline intelligent species did not develop from anything. We were there from the beginning.”

“Nera I don’t think that Charles Darwin would agree. He included the cats with the rest of the mammals.”

“Forget it Mrs. Human”, and Tabby Nera’s sister arrived. We are originals, not developments of any other living object. Charles Darwin made a mistake including us felines in the so called tree. We are unique.”

“How comes?” I asked.

“Quite simple” Tabby said. “What other animal can hear and smell when asleep. Only we cats. We are always alert. When you humans sleep then nothing wakes you and if you cannot sleep, then you have to take tablets or there is something wrong. Have you ever seen a cat take a sleeping tablet, or suffer from insomnia? That is one proof that we have nothing to do with humans.”

“And another thing Mrs. Human” said Nera “what other animal can smell a tin of tuna before it is opened. Association of noise from the tin opener, combined with the smell of the fish inside the tin, only we felines can achieve that. Take an example of our adopted brother Fluffy.”

“Did someone call my name” and Fluffy appeared on the scene.

“Yes” answered Nera “we was telling Mrs. Human how unique we felines are. As I was saying just ask Fluffy. He has no problem although he is a blind feline. A human would have to have training, or some sort of white stick that others notice and have consideration for the problem. Not a feline.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human” answered Fluffy. “I have no problem being blind. I can see all the same. I can sniff with my super developed streamline nose, and hear everything with my supersonic ears. You have never had to show me where the food is, or my toilet for that matter. We felines are independent, and not to be compared with any other living creature.”

“Did you hear that Mrs. Human?” said Nera. “Charles Darwin’s theory was not as perfect as everyone thinks. You cannot just throw felines on the same heap as fish, frogs, apes or humans, not to mention the lowest of all creatures, dogs.”

“But Nera” I said “if you look at the tree of life cats are included with the other mammals.”

tree of life

“Where Mrs. Human, I see nothing on that tree mentioning felines? Please do not refer to such superior animals as we are as cats. We prefer felines."

"It is self-explanatory that cats are included with mammals. Humans are also in this group."

"Forget it Mrs. Human, our tree looks like this.

Feline Tree

Human Darwin just had everything wrong.”

“Yes, Mrs. Human, listen to our chief feline Nera." said Tabby. "She is very intelligent. I am sure that Charles Darwin only had one of those inferior canines at home, referred to as pet; how degrading.”

“In that case cats, sorry felines, we will revise the books. Felines did not evolve from anything. They were there from the beginning, even before dinosaurs, they are the most perfect creation.”

“Ok Mrs. Human” all three cats said “and don’t forget the bit about where we saved Egypt from the mice invasion in their corn chambers. The Egyptians understood the importance of the feline race. They even worshipped us, most intelligent of all human races were the Egyptians.”

“Cats, before we start on the history of the feline race and all its advantages, I think it is time for you all to take a sleep, saving your feline energy for the evening”

and with that they all disappeared into their separate favourite cushions, did a circular turn twice and sunk into oblivion – or did I see an ear twitch somewhere?

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