Saturday, 4 April 2009

MULTIPLY United Friends Challenge #132: Vanessa and the Cannabis Plant(s)

Sanctuaryrose's Challenge

Ok, so we have all heard of 'Sleeping Beauty', 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves', 'Cinderella', 'Rupunzel', and various fairy tales, well here's the fun part, what if we switched the roles and had some fun with these fairy tales. How about "Sleeping Handsome', 'Snow Man and the Seven Ladies', 'Cinderdude', 'Rupun with the really long hair'
Your challenge is to rewrite a fairy tale, any way you want by switching the female roles with male rolls and have fun. Make it funny or crazy, however you want it. Have fun!

Once upon a time there was a town that had people, businesses, transport, markets and even crooks and criminals; just an everyday sort of thing. Vanessa lived there with her mum and dad. Her dad, Shifty, was a drug peddler and her mum, Dolly, ran a strip club, just the normal day to day working places you would find in a big town. Vanessa spent most of the day at home looking after her dad's business while he was out visiting his customers. One day something annoying happened, one of the tyres on Shifty’s car was losing air. Shifty was very much annoyed as he needed the car for his business, so he sent Vanessa to the market to buy a new tyre.

Vanessa was an attractive girl, and she knew it. She always bought her clothes from the most expensive boutique and was at the hairdressers at least three times a week, so when the salesmen saw her coming they were only too happy to do business with her. Vanessa decided to get her father’s tyre from Honest Al. She knew him well, and was sure that he could supply something of a bargain.
“Hi Vanessa, how’s things going? Give my best wishes to Shifty. Looking for something special?”
“Hi Al, my dad needs a new tyre for his Cadillac, you know the size and everything, the other one went bust and he has business to do. Got anything suitable Al?”
“No problem, Vanessa, just got a new delivery yesterday. You can have two for the price of one, and on top I have a packet of seeds. The best on the market, guaranteed all of the female type. You know can’t use the male grass, it’s just weedy and no good for a joint.”
“I am sure my dad will be pleased” was Vanessa’s answer, “you can deliver the tyres this afternoon and I will take the weed seeds with me” and Vanessa went home, pleased with the bargain. Of course, daddy Shifty was happy about the new tyres, but he was not so happy about the hemp seeds.
“If someone saw you with those seeds, you could have got booked by the police. I do not want my daughter dealing in drugs.”
“But dad, I thought you would be happy, Al said they were all female.”
“And how does Al know that they are all female? Even my best men only know that when they start growing. I will have to have a few harsh words with Al. I think he has had an eye on my business for some time and was trying out the opportunity to deal me out. Show me the seeds.”
Vanessa gave her father the seeds, Shifty opened the window and threw them into the garden. Vanessa’s mother Dolly had just come into the room and saw what happened. Dolly only really worked nights so she was always at home during the day.
“Are you mad, Shifty, you have just thrown a fortune out of the window.+
“Dolly you leave those decisions to me. I don’t choose your girls, well not always, so you leave my business alone” and that was the end of the conversation.

The next morning Vanessa slept longer than usual. She was rarely out of her bed until lunchtime, but she had a particular problem today, everything was so dark. She pulled the curtains and found a huge plant in front of the window. She looked upwards and it was still growing, the tip had now even reached the clouds. It was the finest example of Cannabis she had ever seen. A nice bushy female plant full of seed capsules. Next to it there was a male plant growing, weaker than the female, but that made sure that the seeds would all be fertilised. She was going to tell her dad about this, but decided not to. Shifty had already left the house to have a look at some of his plantations and she decided that this plant would be hers. She would show them all. She crept into the garden, her mother Dolly was still sleeping, and decided to do some harvesting. She tied a bag around her waist for the harvest. The plant was so strong that she managed to climb to the top. On the way up she pulled off a couple of leaves and made herself a provisional joint, just to test the quality. It was promising and she was sure she had the solution to all her financial problems. She did get a little bit high on the way up the stalk and suddenly found herself above the clouds. There seemed to be a path through the clouds and she decided to follow it.

After half an hour she could see the outlines of a bar in the distance. She was feeling thirsty, after the joint, so decided to go in for a drink. At first the bar seemed to be empty and then she hear the patter of tiny feet.
“Can I help you?”
Vanessa looked around but saw no-one.
“Can I help you said the voice a little louder.”
“I would like something to drink, where are you?”
“I am here in front of your eyes of course.”
Vanessa looked around and then she looked down and saw a female dwarf. The tip of her head only just reached the edge of the bar.
“Do you have a martini” Vanessa asked
“No problem, martini it will be” and the female dwarf mixed her one.
“What do you have in that bag” asked the dwarf pointing to the bag that Vanessa had taken with her for the weed.
“It’s just some salad I picked on the way up.”
“Show me, doesn’t look or smell like salad to me, more like first class hemp.”
“Who are you talking to dwarf” said suddenly a loud voice from the back and a man appeared, the most beautiful man that Vanessa had ever seen. He looked so much like Brad Pitt, it was almost unbelievable.
“One of those tall people from below arrived here. Fi Fi Fo Fum, I smell the crop of a garden, the dwarf said and tore the bag away from Vanessa.
“Dwarf what are you doing.?” Asked the Brad Pitt look alike.
“That is our shit, said the dwarf and I am keeping it.” The dwarf disappeared through the back of the bar.
Vanessa was so disappointed; after her climb up the hemp stalks and the hard work of picking the leaves it was all gone. She started crying. Well not really, but she wanted to impress the Brad Pitt lookalike.
“Don’t cry” he said and he put his arms around her. “Just wait a few minutes. The dwarf woman will soon be asleep and then you can take the bag away from her and disappear again the way you came. Indeed it was so. The female dwarf was soon snoring heavily and with the Brad Pitt lookalike’s help she managed to take the bag and waving her rescuer goodbye she escaped and climbed back to her home. That day she visited Big Al who was nursing the black eye that Shifty had given him for dealing in hemp seeds with his daughter. However, when Big Al saw the perfect shit that Vanessa had, he bought it all off of her.
“Please don’t tell my father” said Vanessa
“You must be kidding” answered Big Al “we will split the profit between us” and everyone was happy.

Vanessa decided to go harvesting once again, so on the next morning she again climbed the stalk to the clouds, gathering what she should for making a profit with Big Al. She met the Brad Pitt lookalike once again.
“I have something very special for you to take this time” he said. We have a cat with golden whiskers, you can take it with you, but be careful, the dwarf guards it with her life.”
“Are you kidding” said Vanessa to the Brad Pitt lookalike. “I am not risking my life for a cat with golden whiskers. Come’on Brad, I have a good job for you down below the clouds.”

No Vanessa did not dream it, it really happened and her and the Brad Pitt lookalike lived happily ever after.

United Friends Challenge #132: Vanessa and the Cannabis Plant(s)

No comments:

Post a Comment