Instructions on Catching Mice by Tabby the Cat

Not every cat knows how to catch a mouse, so those cats amongst us that have never had the privilige to devour a real mouse, this could be useful. It may also be worthwhile knowing for our human servants helping them to understand our needs and tastes. Now and again we have to point them in the right direction. Not everything that comes from a tin is a cat’s idea of a fulfilled life. Let’s face it cats, you don’t go hunting for a tin of meat and you can’t even open it yourself. True the magical noise of the tin opener does have an effect on our feline tast buds, but we still have to wait until the opening of the tin takes place and that does draw on our nerves somewhat.

So let’s get down to the basic facts. First of all you have to go out. Mice do not slip under the door or come through the window voluntarily. For some reason they avoid us cats. The best time to find mice is in the Spring, or Autumn. In Spring they wake up and gather food and in Autumn it is harvest time and they collect their Winter provisions. For this reason the best place to find mice is near the source of their food, in a field. I usually leave my home either late at night or early in the morning, depending on the weather (we cats don’t like rain). Do not only rely on your sight. Our noses and ears are also to be used in the quest for a fresh mouse.

OK, just smell around until the scent of a mouse is in the nose. Nose on the ground and suddenly you will notice that the mouse is very very near. It goes without saying that we cats apply our one foot after the other sleaking walk, to avoid making any noise. Now use your sight – do not forget we are basically short sighted, so a bit of a distance is required. Somewhere in the grass your paw may detect an opening and vibrations. This being the case, you have found a mouse hole. Now cat patience is 100% required. The mouse will not commit hari kuri and arise voluntarily from his place in the earth, so the long wait begins. This can be many hours. I have discovered that during the night there is no problem, but during the day my humans do tend to get somewhat excited when I disappear for long lengths of time. Time goes quickly when you are enjoying yourself.

Mice are not as intelligent as we cats and eventually they will surface. To help, it is sometimes of advantage to put your paw into the mousehole as far as it fits. If you are lucky you will feel the mouse and he will try to escape. One way or the other the mouse will surface and now we are called to apply our feline intelligence and agility. The best method is to try and catch the mouse with your mouth. It ensures a quick demise of the mouse (it stops moving immediately and you can make off with your trophy. Some inexperienced cats find that a mouse is a plaything and like to follow it around, pawing at it when it gets tired, the disadvantage being that the mouse may gather its energy and find refuge in a place not available for cats. How often have I watched as my inexperienced sister Nera finds her mouse, only to loose it in our garden cupboard or in our home much to the dismay of our humans. Afterwards a chase begins through the home by the humans until they may find the mouse and hunt it away. Humans are strange animals. When I first arrived here I remember catching my first mouse and showing it to them so that they realised what a professional cat I was. They threw it away making remarks such as we do not want any of your dead mice here.

To get back to the subject, I myself prefer a quick kill. After all you have spent hours waiting for the mouse, and when it eventually gets caught, it is a shame for the concentration and work involved to just let it go again. Now having your mouse, what does every self-respecting cat do with it. Basically the idea is to eat it. Cats, do you really want to spend your life living from tinned food or dehydrated food. Organic food is always the best, even the humans have found that out. So eat your mouse and enjoy it, you don’t know when the next one will arrive. And don’t forget – there are parts of a mouse that we don’t eat. The tail and its appendix are not eaten by us cats. Of course, my colleague, Fluffy, that lives with us is a sort of funny cat – has curls (calls himself a Selkirk Rex). Anyhow it seems that his mum and dad never told him that a mouse tail must remain, so he eats all, although these days he only gets the mice I leave for him (he can’t go hunting any more as he probably wouldn’t find his way back – doesn’t see anything any more)

Ok, cats, that was my idea of mouse hunting. If any of you have a better method or improvements, I would be glad to hear it and would spread the word to the other cats I know.

Fun with the Firemen

Our first aid group in the local village decided on a day out with the firemen as is usually the custom once a year. Last year they decided to practice rescuing the children from the burning local schoolhouse (imaginary of course) and this year there was a fire fighting demonstration showing the public how to do it properly and inviting them to participate. We were also there with our own 1^st aid stand and organised a small quiz for the children together with their parents, the main theme being what to do when an accident happens, the treatment of burns (naturally with wonderfully coloured photographs of the injuries) and a march with a stretcher carrying a plastic cup full with water around a local tree, the idea being that the water should not be spilt. There was also the opportunity to bandage a foot or hand. Our main aim was to attract the public to become members of our association.

The firemen gave a wonderful demonstration of flames and fire. Unfortunately the means of extinguishing the fire was also coupled with chemicals to stop the fire, producing a vast cloud which forced most of us to take refuge now and again when it was difficult to breathe and the eyes started burning. We were told that it was not dangerous, but in spite of this we decided to disappear when that particular demonstration took place.

It was amusing to see the children rehearsing how to be a fireman and extinguish the fire. Naturally for safety reasons they were dressed in the appropriate clothing. As the smaller sizes were not available there were many proud parents watching their toddlers dressed in fireman’s coats reaching to the ground and with helmets covering their eyes and ears.

Of course the fire engine was also present as well as the extendable ladder. No unexpected accidents or fires occurred. It was mostly locals from the two villages that attended the event so basically everyone knew everyone else. The day came to an end with an evening meal for our team and the firemen. I am not sure whether there was a b-b-q with grilled food as I did not attend but if there was and it got out of hand I am sure there were enough fire fighters there to put out the flames.

Fluffy's Birthday - 4 years old

Tabby: Hey, Nera it was Fluffy’s birthday yesterday.
Nera: “And???”
Tabby: I thought we were supposed to do something, like a “Be kind to Fluffy Day” or something in that style.
Nera: We were kind to Fluffy yesterday. I didn’t spit at him or push him out of the way with my paw. That was being considerate.
Tabby: Nera if I remember rightly you slept most of the day outside on a chair and Fluffy was inside, so you didn’t really get near enough to play your usual “I am the boss” role.
Nera: I didn’t notice you giving Fluffy a nose sniff or bringing him one of your mice from the safari you were on yesterday. So who was being inconsiderate?. Just to add I do not play the boss, I am the boss.
Tabby: I only caught two mice and ate them before coming home so there was nothing left for Fluffy.
Nera: Typical, you really only think of yourself.
Tabby: I am a cat, not Pestalozzi. And since when do you think of others first of all.
Nera: If I remember rightly Tabby, it was your great idea to shower Fluffy with presents and good will advances, not mine. How do you know it was Fluffy’s birthday yesterday?
Tabby: Well I wasn’t sleeping all day like you were, but had both ears in all directions listening and also using my sight. First of all Mr. And Mrs. Human were talking about it and wondering what to give him for his birthday. Then the computer was running on the cat forum site and there were a few people that were congratulating Fluffy to his birthday.
Nera: And what did Mr. And Mrs. Human give Fluffy as a present. I didn’t notice any surprises around here, like an extra ration of tuna fish or kitty bits.
Tabby: That was because you were sleeping outside all day. Mrs. Human said something about we had tuna the day before yesterday, and if they put the tuna out again the other two – did she mean us? – would be helping themselves as well and Nera has put enough weight on lately.
Nera: Hisssss – remind me to scratch Mrs. Human the next time she tries to stroke me. Well, look who’s coming – it’s birthday boy.
Fluffy: Hi cats, anything interesting going on?
Tabby: Well I was just saying to Nera.......
Nera: Yes, Tabby was just mentioning that the rain had now stopped and we could spend some time outside in the garden.
Tabby: Nera I just wanted to tell Fluffy....
Nera: I am sure Fluffy is not interested in your feline waffle
Fluffy: I don’t know what’s going on. I just wanted to say I did have fun yesterday evening. You know you two always spend half the night away and I have to stay at home as my sight isn’t what it used to be. Well, while you were gone Mrs. Human cooked some chicken breast and minced it up for me and I had a whole dish to myself. That was really good.
Nera: She did what? And me and Tabby had nothing. Fluffy you didn’t even save anything for us two.
Fluffy: Mrs. Human said something about better late than never and mentioned birthday. I think it must have been my birthday yesterday. Anyhow the chicken breast was fine, and I didn’t save anything for your two as she said it was only for me. I thought that we cats don’t share, at least my mum told me take what you can, otherwise the others will take it. My mum was a very wise cat and had many litters so she was quite good at bringing us kittens up. She always told us a cat has one motto in life. I, me and myself. I always thought you two were of the same opinion
Nera coughs and nearly chokes
Nera: Of course, Fluffy, it is cat philosophy to take what you get and not take into consideration others that might be sharing the home with you. I am sure Tabby agrees with his boss, don’t you Tabby
Tabby: Hiss, Hiss – of course Nera, you are the boss and what you says goes. Fluffy was there any chicken breast left after you stuffed it down on your own.
Fluffy: Well it was for my birthday, perhaps your two might get something on your birthday.
Tabby: So I suppose we will have to wait until April in that case.
Nera: Make a point Tabby, In April we will not go out in the evening.
Fluffy: Bye girls, I have to go to my cat box and then sleep a little.
Tabby: Has he gone Nera.
Nera: Yes he has disappeared thank goodness. I can’t stand showoffs
Tabby: Neither can I.