Gladys: Hello, you must be Tabby
Tabby: And who are you – look like one of those cats from the town – and how do you know my name?
Gladys: Oh, I know everyone’s name here. Yes, I am from town and would like to speak to Big Tom
Tabby: Nera, Bobinette (hissss) there’s a pregnant cat here wanting to speak to Big Tom
Nera: Tabby, please keep your miaow down, Grey’s ears might be listening and where does she come from.
Gladys: I am Gladys, wife of One Eyed Fred and spokeswoman for the feminine feline cat union in town. I have to speak with Big Tom under four cat's eyes about our future, which doesn’t seem to be such a good one at the moment, thanks to that renegade son of Big Tom called Mr. Grey.
Bobinette: I will send a cat message to Big Tom via Romeo and let ‘im know you want to speak with ‘im. Please rest until Romeo arrives, must be exhausting walking from town, it was funny that we didn’t notice you came.
Gladys: I took the road along the river – you country cats never keep watch on that cat path, that is one of the reasons that I must speak to the Gatto di tutti Gatti.
Romeo: Vieni, vieni, Did you call me Bobinette – I am always at your disposal
Bobinette: Romeo you are such a charmeur sometimes. ‘Ow can I resist you. ‘ere is a female cat from town and she wants to speak to Big Tom.
Romeo: Have you searched her. We have to be careful these days.
Nera: Romeo I think you are overdoing it a bit. She has told us who she is and I don’t think she is hiding any claws anywhere. She is also expecting kittens, so I do not think she would plan to attack us on her own.
Gladys: No, I come in peace, but must speak to Big Tom first of all. I want to stop this cat war before it begins, and also in the name of the ladies in town.
Romeo: Please follow me. Nera and Bobinette you may come as well, but Tabby you stay here with you piccolo brother Fluffy to keep an eye on this part of our territory. Fluffy is blind, but he is sometimes more awake that you are Tabby.
Tabby: Typical – always riding around on me, the best cat scout you have. I always know where the best cat nip is, and in town I find my way around with no problem. Sometimes I feel like half of me belongs in town.
Bobinette: I wonder why?
Romeo: So come now ladies, but be careful, I don’t want to have a birth on the way.
Big Tom: One of my guards said he saw you coming. Who is the lady with you. Looks like she will soon be mother – hopefully not another one of those females that wants to put the blame on me. They all want to give birth to the son of the gatto di tutti gatti – I really must be irrestible sometimes.
Gladys: I would like to talk to you alone. I have something to say. You can trust me, I have no hidden claws and my condition does not allow me to start being catty.
Big Tom: Ok, then leave us alone – consigliere Romeo, just stay outside the door in case.
So little cat mother, what do you have to say to me.
Gladys: First of all, you may have noticed that I am not talking like the town cats. I only do that when I am living there. I am a “sleeper” and have been for the last years. The Kitty cat Club sent me to this part of the world. I have been living here and am accepted by all the cats in town, have even risen to the position of first honourable mother of the feminine feline cat union.
Big Tom: Just a minute not too fast. You are a “sleeper”, that means you have been living undercover until you are called for from one of the top cats in the Kitty cat club.
Gladys: Yes, and now I have had news by cat message from our best cat in England (who owns a human) that I am to awake and put things right here. I was able to organise the female cats in town to support me. We are often to be found in the local town hall, where we have our meetings and listen carefully to the words the humans say in their meetings. Not very intelligent, but their ladies sometimes have good ideas. We noticed that the lady humans organise themselves quite well, to make sure they have time for their own private lives, so we lady cats have followed the example and have organised ourselves, although that is not the reason why I am here, but partially.
Big Tom: Go on – I am all cat’s whiskers.
Gladys: I have been following the doings of Mr. Grey and your cats here on the orders of our contact cat in England and it is time to make an end to this war talk. I heard you wanted to put your lady cats out in front to attract the male cats from town and put them off of their take over plans. This will not work. Mr. Grey told Long Tail Al that they should take the path along the river as the country cats will not expect to be attacked from this direction. This means that all your female cats will be waiting on the road to town and the tom cats will be standing behind them waiting to attack the remaining cats, but all the cats will be coming along the river and will ambush you from behind.
Big Tom: How do I know that this is true?
Gladys: Ask your ladies Nera Bobinette and Tabby if they noticed me coming. I also took this path.
Big Tom: So what do you suggest.
Gladys: I cannot tell you how to fight a cat war, such a gatto di tutti gatti knows the answer to this. I just ask myself whether you really have to fight. Why not meet Long Tail Al in the area between town and country and talk things over. Myself and my lady friends in town have no interest in sending our sons, and even daughters, into a war that brings only pain and trouble to us all.
Big Tom: And how do you think that Al is going to take to this idea. He is not the sort of cat to sit down with at a mouse hole and hold discussions with.
Gladys: It might be an idea if you send a message and invite him and tell him that his son, Tabby, will also take part in the discussion.
Big Tom: You know everything Gladys, could use you myself in the country. Such an intelligent feminine cat.
Gladys: I havn’t come to that part yet. I might be a “sleeper” but I want something out of this as well. If you reach a peace treaty with Al, I would like to have my next litter of kittens in the country. This would be a sign of peace. I would also like that my husband Fred also lives here - as you know kittens grow up where they are born. It would build a bridge between the country cats and town cats. Fred has been such a good husband, and I now have him so well trained that he even looks after the kittens when I have more important business to do.
Big Tom: And I suppose we have to start having exchange holidays for the cats in the town and country as well. You lady cats can really be catty sometimes. However, the idea is not so bad. I think you should now be getting back to town, otherwise you might be missed from your one Eye Fred. Romeo, show the lady out and accompany her to the borders of our territory.
Romeo: Will do capo.
Long Tail Al: Slimy where’s that Gladys gawn to. Ain’t see ‘her all day. Meetings don’t go that long, all the other ladies are already at ‘ome.
Slimy: Well, I suppose it ain’t no good asking Fred, ‘e seems to be busy looking after the family these days.
Long Tail Al: Slowly I’m asking who’s in charge ‘ere. Gladys or me.
Gladys: Did I ‘ear me name mentioned.
Long Tail Al: Yer, What’s all these funny ideas your telling everyone around ‘ere about we men doing ‘ousework and playing baby sitters to the kittens while you women go on meetings and fings like that.
Gladys: I took a walk in the country and meet a few cats there. Also had a few words with Big Tom.
Long Tail Al: Yer did wot? If you wasn’t one eyed Fred’s moll, I’d ‘ave for me evening meal.
Gladys: Big Tom said ‘e would like to ‘ave a cat talk wiv yer before you start tearing fur out of each other and I fink that would be a good idea. We ladies don’t want to send our sons and daughters to some useless war that no-ones gonna win really.
Long Tail Al: And wot makes yer fink that I’ll be turning up on a cat talk with that Italian gigolo up there on the ‘ill.
Gladys: Well, it seems that your first born son Tabby lives up there on the ‘ill with that gigolo as well and ‘e will be at the conference.
Long Tail Al: Me first born son is living with ‘is muvver somewhere in a village down the river.
Glady: No ‘e ain’t. ‘She met ya on the way ‘ome from ‘er long haired black boyfriend. That’s why she ‘ad a black cat and a tabby cat wiv black stripes and a red tummy. The same colour red as you are Al. Tabby’s been living wiv ‘is sister all ‘is life in the country. ‘E don’t even know that you’re ‘is dad.
Long Tail Al: Gladys do you ‘ave connections wiv the Kitty Cat Club. I mean, I ain’t as stupid as you fink. No-one finds out stuff like that without ‘aving some sort of secret source of information.
Gladys: I ain’t saying nuffing more. You’re the boss, so its your decision.
Long Tail All: Slimy, Come’ere. I got a mission for ya. Like to breave some country air?
Sunday, 4 November 2007
Reservoir Cats - 11
Gladys: Hello, you must be Tabby