WordPress Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

Write an anonymous letter to someone you’re jealous of.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us GREEN.

Dear Inuit, Australians, Antarticans and Articas, Polar bears

How I envy you all now. Here I am sitting outside on the porch, suffering temperatures of 30-35° C in Switzerland, longing for a cooling breeze and there you all are loving every little ice crystal and snow flake that freezes in the air.

I was going to start this blog by telling everyone what a perfect person I am and do not have a jealous bone in my body. After cooking lunch I decided the hot sun beating down (although I have a sun shade on the porch) is not exactly the right climate when sweltering over cooked rice, pork chops and vegetable.

Eskimos I envy you for your igloos. Just chop a block of ice out of the surroundings and pile it upon another block. Eventually you have a completely insulated ice house. The only ice I have at the moment is in plastic bags in the freezer ready for a cooling drink. My main occupation is to maintain the supply. Those ice cubes are used up quite quickly in the hot summer weather.

Polar bears you feel great swimming in ice clear pools of water. I have never heard an ice bear complain of the cold, but put him in a zoo in our country in summer. You have to make sure he does not dehydrate.

“Mrs. Human” and my chief feline Nera drags her fur bound legs towards me.

“Where is the zip, I cannot find it. Or the buttons?” she asks.

“What do you mean Nera?”

“You humans undress for something lighter in this hot weather and we felines also want to undress. I want to unzip my fur coat. That will do, just to cool down a little.”

“Oh Nera, I am so sorry, but feline fur coats are not made to be removed. Mr. Human can cut some bits and pieces out of your coat, where the snails are stuck and various twigs have entwined themselves, but he cannot remove the complete fur.”

“No Mrs. Human, he snips away with the scissors and that can be a risky job. He might spoiI my beautiful appearance and then all the other felines will no longer be jealous of my wonderful luxurious looking body. I just want to take my coat off.” And she stamped with her paw to emphasise the point.

I explained that it would not be possible, so she disappeared under a shady tree where she is now sleeping and conserving her energy.

Yes people of the Southern hemisphere, we in the North are just a little bit jealous. Kangaroos are now hopping around without a care in the world in the cool climate. Even the wombats are doing wombat things without a care in the world. Everything is so nice and cool down under at the moment.

I will now come to a close on this letter as the sweat is pouring out of my computer keyboard. Even the bytes are heating up in the computer and my brain is becoming overheated (yes I have one).

Australians and South Africans, you may write a letter of revenge when you are sitting on the beach in the sun eating your Christmas dinner and plunging into the cooling waves of the sea. Even that is not a possibility in Switzerland, the guy who designed the world forgot to put a coastline around Switzerland.

Have fun everyone wherever you are and spare a thought for a golden oldie who has problems with cooling down in the hot weather.

Yours anonymously

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Creative Challenge 218 - Hot

"Mrs. Human, just show me where the zip is"

"What zip Nera cat?"

"When you humans are hot you always take something off. Sometimes you just show skin with a few pieces of fur, called bikini or swimsuit. We cats also get hot, and I want to take my fur coat off. There must be a zip or some buttons somewhere."

"No, sorry Nera, it's not like that when you are a cat. You are born with the fur and you keep it for always. If you are really too hot, Mr. Human can take you to the vet. The vet will put you to sleep and give you a short back and sides. Then you won't feel so hot any more."

"No, Mrs. Human, unless Mr. Human has a death wish, I will not go with him to the vet and have my hair cut off. Vets stink, have no manners and no self respecting cat goes voluntarily to a vet. That is only when we are in dire straits, which is seldom according to Bast's law."

"She is right" said Nera's litter sister Tabby. "Visits to vets are certainly not for a hair cut, unless of course you happen to have an overgrowth of fur, known as fluff, which my sister Nera has."

"Hisssss, Tabby I do not have an overgrowth of fur. It is my normal shiny silky coat. You are just jealous as a short haired common Tabby cat with a MacDonalds "M" on your forehead."

"Nera, at the moment I am glad to be a common tabby cat with short fur. I don't have to lay on my back to cool down, or start searching for a zip."

"What's the problem Nera" said Fluffy cat. "I have long fur as well, although I am a special Selkirk Rex cat, known for our long silky curly fur. I don't have problems in the hot weather. My fur is very special you know, sort of thermally controlled. If it is hot, it cools you down, and in Winter it warms you."

"Fluffy you do not have to show off. You look like you put your paw in an electric socket, Curls? my paw. Just a freak of nature." and Nera emphasised the remark with a tail swish.

"Ok cats, cool down" said Mrs. Human. "This conversation is leading nowhere. although I must say Nera you are exaggerating just a little bit. Just stay where you are cooling down on your back. Mr. Human is now on his way with a pair of scissors to snip some fur away. Then you will feel much better."

"Forget it Mrs. Human, no way."

"Or we can organise a visit to the vets."

"Ok, ok, I give up, but make sure Mr. Human is careful. I want to look my usual beautiful self afterwards and not as if I got caught in a lawn mower."

Yes, we all seem to have our problems in the hot weather.

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