From the Collection of the Artist

A hundred years from now, a major museum is running an exhibition on life and culture as it was during our current historical period. You’re asked to write an introduction for the show’s brochure. What will it say?

Welcome to our 100 year reflection on life as it was before it disappeared. It did not actually disappear,  we just ignored it, regarded it as part of a throw away society, but we now have something to remember through the photos. Reflections of a golden age when air could be inhaled from the atmosphere without wearing protective masks and it would have been a colourful world.

To begin a typical Spring meadow showing a variety of colourful flowers. The flowers even had a name because there were so many, they had to be distinguished from another. These were called primula and believe or not, they arrived every year in the same place at the same time. I know you are saying that this is nothing new. Living in your domes you also have these flowers and they are always there, but there is a difference. These are real, yours are artificial, it would no be possible for nature to support their life outside.

One hundred years ago there was something called seasons. Some of the golden oldie visitors to our museum may remember this strange occurrence. Of course countries varied with their seasons according to which part of the world they were situated: north, south, east or west. Today we no longer know these strange laws of nature. Ok, I can hear you asking “what is nature?”. I will come to that in due course. There was a time for every season and Spring was a time of awakening: a time for the flowers to spring out of the ground, bear leaves and stay with us for a short time until they died and were replaced with another sort of flower, the Summer flowers. Following Summer there was Autumn, the weather changing becoming colder but still supporting life with its particular developments. Eventually Winter would arrive and there would be cold over the land. The earth would be resting and awaiting its rebirth in Spring. And so the years passed with their same patterns. This would be so-called nature if it still existed.

Not only were there flowers but animals. You may see a few stuffed examples of cats and dogs in our hall of extinct species. Cats and Dogs were domestic, living together with humans and sharing their way of life. There were many kinds of animals, but unfortunately only a few examples remain, which would being you to the hall of living animals. We have rats that are now and again captured for our exhibition, being the only living survivors of planet “Earth”. Unfortunately we have to refresh the living exhibits as they tend to eat each other, due to to insufficient food supplies.

The climax of our exhibition is the mammal hall.  We managed to rescue one special example of this element known as “human” this being the male of the species. I am sure you will recognise this example from photos found of the previous inhabitants of “Earth”. He is very friendly and you can feed him if you want to, although our museum looks after his organic needs. He is dressed in so-called winter clothing, protective against the elements. Our mammal hall has been constructed to change the seasons. He speaks and if you switch on your translation machine you can talk to him. It seems that another example of the species has been found, known as woman, and she will be joining him next month. We thought it would be a pleasure for this member of the human species to have a mate, but it seems they are sometimes happy to be without. We showed this human a photo of his future partner, known as Mrs. Angloswiss on her photo, and he replied “is that all you can offer?” I am sure that “human” will soon accept his partner, we are working on it.

And so enjoy your tour of the planet earth and have a safe return journey to planet Wordy.

WordPress Daily Prompt: About Page of the Future

Write the About page for your blog in 10 years. 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FUTURE.

Ten years! Hello, we are not all spring lambs hopping around in the blogging world telling everyone about their babies, boyfriends and showing videos of Justine Bieber sleeping. No, some of us are golden oldies, being thankful for every day you wake up, can stand up without assistance and remember what day it actually is.

I am a golden oldie but in ten years, 77 years old, I will even be waving goodbye to the platinum stage. I wonder whether Mr. Swiss will be pushing me in the wheel chair or the other way around. There is a neat little senior home in our village. It is quite new and even has a restaurant open to the public. Situated near the forest and a bus stop just outside for those breaking out. What could be better? Of course, it is not free, and there will be little change left from the monthly income, but who cares, at that age who needs money.

I noticed the senior home is just a five minute walk from the local cemetery, how convenient. What a wonderful walk wheelchair ride to take for a breath of fresh air, viewing the empty places and making a preliminary reservation – you never know.

My blogging days might still exist. I believe Bill Gates does it all with pictures and touch screen now (thinking of Windows 8). It will then be probably Windows 15, all programmed with a nod and an iThought. I am sure I will be able to do it, you get used to everything with time. I will probably no longer have my DSLR camera, but will settle for the pocket digital thing. The rheumatism in my fingers/hands/arms will be a hindrance to carrying such a heavy camera.

Who knows? Perhaps in the next ten years I will write my best seller, 50 Shades of Blog, where I tell everyone how it really was and what I was actually doing before and after I wrote my blog – that will be a sensation. The things I was never allowed to print due to censorship. Just a little secret, but 

do not tell anyone. I always enjoy the soft, smooth lick of a yogurt before I begin to blog, especially vanilla flavour. Oh, the sadistic delights of a blogger. As I am sitting here now at my center of operations an empty yogurt cup is posed next to the computer containing a spoon, memories of a pleasurable five minutes. I am getting carried away again.

I will probably have at least 10,000 followers in 2023, if none have gone to the happy blogging grounds in the meanwhile. I remember watching the film On the Beach where the crowds at the revival meetings were less and less as the world came to an end, being exterminated by World War Three. Ok, we do not want to paint such a sad picture, but WordPress how it is now will not be the same.

Sadly I do not think my felines will be a problem as they will probably be chasing mice in the eternal corn chambers. They are now already 11 years old (77 years human) and I have never seen a 21 year old cat, although it can happen, but that would be around 147 years is human terms.

So there we have it, Mrs. Angloswiss and Mr. Swiss soaking in memories of the good old days. Who knows, perhaps the secret of eternal life will be dscovered and we will be here to stay. I can see the new blog title already Angloswiss Rides Again, a sequel to the Angloswiss Chronicles. There will be a signature photo of myself with long silver hair and wearing a dressing gown, my feet in slippers with a bobble. Who says eternal life will make you look younger – you just cannot have everything. 

Click here for more

WordPress Daily Prompt: 2100

The language of the future: what will it be like? Write an experimental post using some imagined vocabulary — abbreviations, slang, new terms. 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FUTURE.

‘old on, I don’t ‘ave to imagine any noo language or vocab, it’s ‘ere already. Just take a walk on the street and open up your ‘earoles. No real kid speaks the queen’s fing anymore. They can’t even rite it. Just stick your nose in this fb fing, it’s all done wiv letters and numbers, words ‘ve kicked it. Oo needs em, just a waste of computer space if you ask me, but don’t ask me cause I’m one of those gruftis, like old and not wiv it.

I’m speakting 2 U all by the way. Where I live, like we ‘av a lot of languages all mixed up. I ‘eard a gal talking once to ‘er mates in a shop about wot to buy. Nah it was all in Schwiizer tütsch, u ig bi sicher das dir das nit verstah. Anyhow she said wot abaht äpfelküche, ‚cos she wanted to know if she fancied like an apple pie. The girl turned round like and said, oh yeah, mi piace äpfelkküche git it. Wot she said was “Yes, I like apple pie”, the trubble being that ‘er mum and dad, ‘er grufties, came from I tie land, like Italy, and so she spoke a bit of everyfing altogether: a real mischmasch. Now we ‘ave a lot of those secondo types in Switzerland, speaking all the languages mixed up, so that’s the way it comes out. A bit of Schwiizertütsch u e bit of italianski, wotever.

I have been cutting me brain in a few bits and pieces since living in this multi culti place. I ain’t ‘ad it eesy, specially cos me own lingo is sort of English, you know, cockney. Get the gist of that, in my brain it was all cockney wiv no aches and I ainn’t got nuffing, like I’ave got somefing, but we do it all wiv two no’s wot make a yes, work that one out. So one way or the ovver fings got a bit complicated. I did a few years Ben Sherman in England, but it weren’t that way when I got to Schwiez, where they all speak a bit ov everyfing. A bit of Itie, a bit of Ben Sherman, a bit of frog (not being nasty, but they call us the roast beef). There I was stuck in the middle of everyfing, but I was in Zürich so it was the old Ben Sherman schwiizer tütsch wot made it a bit easy. Nah if I ‘ad landed somewhere in the middle, like in the röschti graben, it would ‘ave been a real eliot ness wouldn’t it. I would ‘av ben parleying a bit of frog, and a bit of Ben Sherman schwiizer tütsch and that would ‘ave been a right pickle.

Me old man parleys a bit of everyfing, but ‘e likes ‘is old Ben Sherman wiv the gruetzis and mercis and ciaous. A rite old mix-up that is. ‘E can parley a bit of the old anglo as well fank gawd but not like I do. Ain’t everyone a cockney, but this is all abaht wot ‘appens in the future ain’t it. Not that I fink it will all be cockny, it will probably be all that leetspeak or whatever. Nah ‘ow can you replace I luv you with 459. Don’t sound very romantic does it, whispering the magic numbers 459 in the earole of your mate. But then you can always add a <3 and I ain’t found out wot that means yet either.

I fink I’ve dun enuf damage for today. It might not be the language of the future, but I fink if you fall asleep today and do the wakey wakey in 2100, you ain’t gonna understand ‘alf of wot they are talking abaht, let alone all those text fings going on in the Face bookie side. Someow I ‘ave a feeling that even the youngsters ain’t going to understand each ovver either, specially if they ‘ave forgotten wot a word looks like, with letters and all the trimmings.

I nah ‘ave only one fing to say to you all see ya 2morro

If ya want a translation like normal, then I ain’t doing it – ask Wikipedia or Bill Gates, they seem to know it all.

Click here for more

WordPress Daily Prompt: Back to the Future

Anachronism (noun): an error in chronology; a person or thing that’s chronologically out of place. Write a story in which a person or thing is out of place, or recount a time when you felt out of place.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us ANACHRONISM.

I actually took this photo on the way to London City Airport on the A13 Road in London

“Geoffrey, what is that!”

“Sorry sir, what do you mean?” and Geoffrey saw that his chief was pointing, well digging, his fingers into a photo lying on the desk.

“Are you responsible for that monstrosity on the traffic island of our new motorway leading to the airport?”

Geoffrey took a look at the photo and was himself astonished. He was in charge of planning and organisation for his city, but he could not remember ordering the construction of such a significant ornament to complete the roundabout in such an important area.

“Err, well sir…..”

“Geoffrey, do not dither, yes or no?”

“Not really sir. I gave the workers a plan, the material was ordered, but this was not the idea.”

“Then do something about it Geoffrey. It resembles an unsuccessful attempt at a pyramid. Our roads are not there to remind people they can have accidents and be buried, incarcerated in a pyramid. It is a distraction to drivers on the road, do something about it.”

Geoffrey was now left on his own in the office with a photo he had never seen before. He contacted his secretary.

“Pauline, tell Fred Bloggs to appear in my office at once.”

Fred Bloggs did not appear at once, he was enjoying his tea break in the canteen. About an hour later he arrived.

“Fred, where have you been, I gave orders for your appearance at once.”

“I was having my tea break sir, it is my right according to the union rules.”

“OK Fred, now explain if this construction is also according to your union rules” and Geoffrey showed Fred the photo of the new island in the main airport road.

“Something wrong sir? I find it a wonderful construction, something completely different,”

“But it is nothing like the original plans.”

“Yes, well there was a little problem. The original plans called for a steel construction.”

“And?????”

“There was no steel. There was a union strike over at the foundry. We had to finish the job last week as the men were entitled to their summer holiday, so we used what we had. My youngest has just finished at the university. He was studying modern architecture so he sort of gave a helping hand.””

“Fred we are not partaking in an annual award for architectural marvels. We are constructing an island for traffic control. Please remove it.”

“But the men are now on holiday.”

The discussion was suddenly interrupted by the entrance of Geoffrey’s boss.”

“Sir, I was just ordering the removal of the new traffic island.” Geoffrey was quite nervous and the photo of the new construction was shaking in his hand.

“Yes I wanted to say something about this ermmm, new idea of mine.”

“Suddenly it is a new idea belong to the boss?” Geoffrey was curious.

“Yes, Geoffrey, I just had a call from the government inspector about this pyramid similar idea of mine. He is glowing with enthusiasm. Found it to be one of the best ideas we have had for a long while: a spectacular impression of our city when our visitors take the road from the airport.”

“You mean it will not have to be demolished and replaced by a steel construction?”

“Who mentioned steel? At the moment the steel works are in strike and the inspector found what an innovative idea to change from steel to solid concrete.”

The boss left the office leaving a perplexed Geoffrey and his workman Fred Bloggs. Fred immediately wiped the smile from his face before Geoffrey noticed and breathed a sigh of relief

He and his family had a plane to catch for their two week holiday in a luxury hotel in the Maldives. Fred’s son had won a financial prize at the university for his unique traffic island creation. His future was secured in a well-known architect’s office and what more, his idea had even been completed for all to see on the Airport Road, thanks to the devious idea of Fred Bloggs, his father. 

Click here for more

WordPress Daily Prompt: Back to the Future

A service has been invented through which you can send messages to people in the future. To whom would you send something and what would you write?

“Hello, great grandson, are you receiving me. It is your great grandmother again. Did you find it?”

“Yes, no problem. Had to wipe some cobwebs away and let it run through a general clean up. Your computer is working again as if it was new. I just converted it to touch screen, although it now functions with telepathy. I just have to use my brain to direct a command.”

“You mean you could read everything I wrote in my many blogs?”

“Of course, no problem. Shame you are not with us any more, you would be rich and famous.”

“How comes?”

“I took the computer to the university and the professor had a look through your writings.”

“But that must a been heavy to transport.”

“Great grand mum, we are in the future. We don’t have computers like you had any more. We just have a flat screen with a slot. All your stuff is on a chip, just push it in and there we are. The professor found some of the stuff funny. Especially you talking about the cats.”

“You mean he liked the stories.”

“Stories? He showed them to the feline class and they realised it was the beginnings before they started to rule the world paw in hand with us humans.”

“Just a minute, I don’t get this. You mean that cats are taking over.”

“I wouldn’t go that far, but they have made a lot of progress. They have their own computers now, developed from the iPad, known as pPads, or in full Pawpads. They are quite a help in the development of telepathy in industry. They give the orders and everything works. The computers obey them and they have some good ideas.”

“Such as?”

“It seems that all those cooking blogs you wrote are a real joke. The women of today wonder what that is all about. Actually doing things to meat and something called vegetable.”

“I don’t get you.”

“It was the cat’s idea. They showed us how to make pellets out of food. Now we just buy a bag of pellets. Contains all the vitamines we need. No need to cook any more. Of course now and again as a change to our diet, we can get tins of mouse. We love it.”

“What do the cats eat?”

“They have grown a bit compared to your days and can even walk on the hind legs if they want to. They now do their own thing. They even do fish farming. Cats usually make sure they have a tank of fish in their houses. They have humans to work for them, taking the fish out of the water. Cats do not like water, but they love the fresh fish. I have to go now great grandma, I have a lesson in meow and I don’t want to miss it. We are reading the book of Nera the chief cat. They even translate your old cat blogs into meow. The cats love them, it forms part of their history lessons.”

“Just tell me one thing, are the cats in charge or the humans?”

“As I said great grandmum, we work paw in hand. So, my professor is calling I have to go. He can be very nasty with his claws if I am late.”