Daily Prompt: Literate for a Day

Someone or something you can’t communicate with through writing (a baby, a pet, an object) can understand every single word you write today, for one day only. What do you tell them?

“Me”, “No, me” “And what about me”

“Inaminate objects put your feelers, suckers, and other protrubences down. I will make the choice.”

“But leave me out, it was only a year ago when we had this prompt and you made me famous throughout the daily prompt world.”

That was my vacuum cleaner speaking. It is difficult sometimes with these prompts, everyone wants to be the star. Oh, Mr. Swiss is approaching, but no, he does not like publicity so much.

“Do you mind if I do some ironing while you are writing?”

Now that is a good question. Do I mind if he does some ironing?

“What about you iron, do you mind?”

“Do I mind, of course not, it’s my job, but go careful with me and make sure you don’t spill the water when pouring it into my body.”

“I am always careful.”

“Not always. Sometimes it runs over my body and makes me shiver. The idea is to put water inside and not all over the ironing board.”

“Now that is really not something that should bother an iron. You are hot enough to dry up the water.”

“That is not my job. Be careful, I prefer large flat surfaces, on the other hand why should I care. If I iron a few creases into the goods, it is not my fault.”

“Of course it’s your fault, you should avoid making creases.”

“Mrs. Anglowiss a bad workman always blames his tools. I remember last week when you were ironing a pair of blue jeans. Now that was really a painful job. That denim is not one of my favourite materials, and I was forced into ironing over the joints in the material. My plate was moving up and down all the time. It was very exhausting. How would you like to walk over stones with your bare feet?”

“I don’t, I always have shoes on. It is very uncomfortable and hurts.”

“Exactly, but you force me over all sorts of difficult material, shhhhhh.”

“What was that?”

“Just expressing my displeasure. I believe humans call it letting off steam. Remember when you decided to iron that patch on a tear in the jeans. That was cruelty beyond doublt. I was thinking of reporting you to the RSPCI.”

What is that?”

“The Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Irons of coure.”

“When I think of it, you cause a lot of hard work iron. I could perhaps organise a tumbler.”

“A tumbler! No Mrs Angloswiss not that.”

“But I could send you to the land of the objects I no longer need. You could relax down in the cellar and have a conversation with some other forgotten household appliances that I no longer need. A tumbler means straight from the washing machine and a ride around in hot air. Afterwards I can remove the washing, nicely dried without creases and put it away. You would become extinct. Yes it would even save me the work of ironing, and Mr. Swiss, who nicely posed for the photo, but anonymously.”

“You see, even Mr. Swiss does not want to be seen with me. Nobody loves me.”

“Do you still want to report me to the RSPCI?”

“No, forget it. What shall we iron now. Do you have any nice duvet covers or pillow cases? Perhaps some nice t-shirts, or even pyjamas?”

“Are you sure, I don’t want to cause you any problems.”

“Of course I am sure. I am now cooling down after the fight with the last t-shirt, which I won. Look how nice the t-shirt is, no creases, just perfect. I was just doing my job.”

“Ok, then you can stay. When I think about it, you are environment friendly. Those tumblers cost money and use unlimited amounts of energy to do the job. You can stay, but no complaints. Just drink the fresh water nicely, don’ t spit it out onto the ironing board and follow where I send you.

Iron, did you hear me, give an answer.”

“Who are you talking to?”

“The iron of course.”

“But I am now finished with the ironing and it is an inanimate object, like all those other things you talk to at home. I remember when you started talking to the vacuum cleaner.”

“Ok,  forget it, the 24 hours must be up.”