Sunday, 25 October 2015

Daily Feline Post: Feline Pride and Joy

What’s your most prized possession?


“That’s an easy one Mrs. Human, you of course.”

“Me, Tabby, I am honoured.”

“Yes, of course, who else would clean my recycling tray and removed the unwanted matter of a daily digestive feline life.”

“Is that all?”

“Of course not, Mrs. Human. You feed me so that I am not forced to go on hunting expeditions even if it is vitamin pellets. In this connection I would suggest, no command, that  little more imagination could be used with my food.”

“But vitamin filled pellets are healthy Tabby, that is why you have such a nice shiny coat of fur.”

“Did I ask for a shiny coat of fur? Natural food such as meat and fish might not make my coat shine, but I prefer the taste. Did you ever ask me what I like to eat?”

“The vet says that  felines can exist perfectly on vitamin pellets. They contain all the goodness you need to be healthy.”

“Of course they said that. They want your money. According to the latest bulletin from the feline stock exchange, shares in vitamin pellets are reaching rock bottom. The Fow index has hit a new low in food supplies.”

“I didn’t realise that you were investing your whiskers in stocks and shares.”

“Not exactly, but I like to keep an eye on how things are progressing. The cost of feline food must remain stable, otherwise I will have to eat cheaper cuts of meat. Butch told me that the human he owns has started feeding him on cooked lung and other such inferior quality food.”

“My grandmother always fed her feline on cooked lung.”

“And where is the feline today.”

“Oh, that was many years ago, that feline departed to the Kingdom of Bastet.”

“You see, that was probably because of eating lung. To continue, to boost my profits I would advise only using freshly killed food. Just check the date on the tin or packet when you buy it. Best before is not always best before.”

“So what would you recommend?”

“I would get in a stock of tuna fish and catnip. I read that there might be a scarctiy and it is better to be on the safe side. It is predicted on Alley Street that their prices will be exploding. We will be rich Mrs. Human, at lest I will be rich.”

“So as my financial advisor, you would recommend avoiding vitamin pellets.”

“At all costs Mrs. Human, at all costs.”


  1. I didn't even realise felines knew about shocks and stares.

    1. They were there before us and probably invented them. Just a way to keep things under feline control.