Thursday, 26 June 2014

WordPress Daily Prompt: Vending Wishes

Soft drinks, electronics, nutrient-free snacks — you can get all of those from a vending machine. But what type of vending machine is sorely needed but doesn’t yet exist? Share your automated retail fantasies with us!


Do not be alarmed, this is not my leg or arm, but that of one of my cats. She had an accident and as you can see. She broke one of the paw-bones, or whatever it is called. No problem: the vet did it all, although she was hobbling around with three legs, the other being in plaster, for a couple of weeks afterwards.

And now we can wish for a vending machine, although I would rather wish for a WordPress t-shirt, size XXL. I thought about this very carefully. What do I need that I cannot buy? Obvious, I need new eyes, new ears, new teeth, perhaps a smaller nose, a new back, and my insides are also no longer what they were.

A pair of new legs would be handy as those that I have are not as fast and agile as they were. I would keep my right arm, as that is still working, but my left arm has been broken twice, so I think the time is approaching for a replacement.

There are also a couple of internal organs that could do with a revamp, just a service to get them doing the job properly. On the way through life, I lost a couple of body parts, but at my age I no longer really need them. My son will celebrate his 40th birthday today and I really do not want to start that all over again. Who needs an appendix? I had mine removed about 20 years ago and I have never missed it.

Of course, having all these things replaced means a complicated machine, but not really. Who remembers Star Trek, the spaceship that would travel to various galaxies lead by Captain Kirk, a good looking young man, who is now a golden oldie. They had a fantastic doctor on that spaceship, he could do everything. If there was an illness, a lost limb, a dangerous disease, they all recovered. There was no problem. Dr. McCoy, the doctor on board, had a machine.

“A collapsed lung, just lay still” he would say. He would hold some sort of strange instrument over the faulty lung. There was a still moment on the Enterprise, all were holding their breath, the machine buzzed, illuminated the place of the repair work in a strong red glow and the victim began to breathe regularly. He was cured. This is, of course, just an example. Now WordPress have decided to supply us with a vending machine for our wishes.

Replacing body parts is not exactly the same as buying a bar of chocolate, but you are happy with the result. If the chocolate is good, you want another bar, and if the arm replacement functions ok, then there is no problem if you lose it again.

I would suggest manufacturing the vending machine as a portable version. It would have to cure and replace various body parts, internal and external. Having a new shoulder fitted is not the same as a cure for being diabetic. Just hold the portable vending machine where it should be for the repair work and Dr. McCoy would be proud of you.

Ok, I order two, one for me and one for Mr. Swiss. We are both golden oldies. Perhaps his version should be more applicable for back disorders. I need a general overhaul machine, one I could perhaps enter, press the button and it would do a the complete job. There is of course a question of price, but if WordPress can produce a t-shirt for approximately $20, then the machine would definitely not be more expensive and it would be worth the money.

WordPress are such a lovely and thoughtful organisation, letting us have all these wishes granted by means of a daily prompt. Just to add: I am currently suffering from lumbago, so please bear this in mind when sending my order.

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