Thursday, 29 May 2014

WordPress Daily Prompt: Trick Questions

A Pulitzer-winning reporter is writing an in-depth piece – about you. What are the three questions you really hope she doesn’t ask you?

Three cats waiting to go out

“I think she’s arriving” Nera the long black furred chief feline was perched on the table and had a good view.

“Yes” said Tabby and Fluffy, “how exciting. Mrs. Human, she’s heeeeere.”

“Felines what are you doing at the window.”

“We wanted to be the first to let you know, the Pulitzer prize lady has just got out of her car. A black Mercedes with Pulitzer written in gold letters on the side. Now it was worth your visit to the hairdressers and dressing in your smart costume, the one with the Dior label inside. Although Mrs. Human, let’s be honest, you got the label in the local bazaar and sewed it on yourself.”

“Felines hold your whiskers. This is my interview, go and play with a bird in the garden.”

“We do not play with birds, we eat them and now no time. She is ringing the doorbell. Shall we……”

“No felines, we will not. I will open the door.”

There she was Jayne Fitz Millington, the famous Pulitzer Prize judge, visiting me for an interview. Perhaps this is my big chance.

“Good Afternoon, you must be Mrs. Angloswiss and look, they are definitely your wonderful gifted cats. Nera you look even more beautiful that your photos in Internet.”

I stood on one side to let the lady enter, but she was busy shaking Nera’s paw.

“And that must be Tabby your assistant and Fluffy, the apprentice: what lovely felines you are and so clever.”

“Can I take your coat?” I asked and she threw it in my direction and took a seat in the living room.

“How are you felines?” she continued. “I hope you are all in good health and are being treated well. I brought three tins of tuna fish with me. I am sure Mrs. Angloswiss will open them for you. I also brought three Pulitzer engraved dishes for the meal. Such aristocratic felines deserve to eat in style, don’t you agree Mrs. Angloswiss.”

I was honoured; she actually spoke to me and looked in my direction.

“Now for the interview: do you mind if I ask a few private questions?”

“No problem” I said, glaring at my three cats, who were now munching the tuna fish I had placed in the special black dishes with Pulitzer engraved in gold lettering on the side. This seemed to be the trade mark of Pulitzer. Even Fitz Millington was dressed in a black costume with edging in gold. Her matching blouse was golden coloured embroided with black letters showing “Pulitzer” on the pocket.

“I was wondering Mrs. Angloswiss, where did you find such wonderful felines. Our pubic so love to read of their adventures and your experiences with them.”

“We decided to adopt Mrs. Angloswiss” said Nera “it was the best offer we had and she is so gifted with emptying the cat tray. Hardly leaves a trace in the surroundings. Yes, we are proud to use it for our recycling process.” Tabby and Fluffy nodded in approval.

I opened my mouth to perhaps correct the last comment, when the reporter continued.

“I heard that Mrs. Angloswiss supplied you all with pawpads to facilitate entrance into Internet to write your gifted thoughts about felines and the world.”

Tabby now answered. “Yes, we borrowed her credit card and paid online for them. We always like to spare Mrs. Human the extra work with us. We have so much to be grateful for.”

At last I was getting a mention.

“Not only does she clean our tray, but supplies us with vitamin enriched food to maintain our good health. In Winter she also ensures that the birds are regularly fed in the garden and has a feeding station hanging in the tree.”

“Oh, that is so kind, and I am sure the birds are thankful.”

“And so are we felines” answered Fluffy, licking her lips.

Jayne Fitz Millington now turned in my direction. Now was my big chance for the long deserved mention, a prize for my talents. She began.

“Mrs. Angloswiss, do you think I could have a glass of water?”

“Mrs. Human you are neglecting our guest. I am sure she would be glad for a glass of sparkling wine, we have a bottle of champagne cooling in the refridgerator” said Nera.

“Oh, yes please. How thoughtful of you Nera. And you will also partake of a glass?”

I was just about to say “yes of course” thinking she was asking me to join,  when Nera continued.

“We felines do not drink alcohol, it blurs our senses when on the hunt, but perhaps a saucer of milk diluted with Vichy water and laced with a pinch of catmint?”

What chance did I have. I put a brave face on it as I prepared three saucers of catmint milk naturally diluted with Vichy mineral water.”

They say time goes so fast when you are having fun, and Mrs. Fitz Millington left after drinking three glasses of champagne which I served.

We were then alone again, the interview behind me. I breathed out a sigh of relief.

“Well Mrs. Human, that went well. I am sure you might get a mention in the next Pulitzer Prize list, we felines made sure the interview would be a success.” and Nera was having an ear scratch.

I was not so sure about my talents at last being acknowledge with their deserved recognition, but Nera did get an personal invitation to the next prize giving ceremony with a mention to bring Tabby and Fluffy as well. It said that Mrs. Angloswiss should accompany the felines as they cannot drive a car – yet.

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