Photographers, artists, poets: show us SHAME.
The felines that own me never actually say
or meow what they are thinking and they do not really care if anyone gets hurt.
“Yes Mrs. Human” said Nera “actions speak louder than words. As you can see in this feline study I was contemplating what to do with the situation. Should I wait silently until my meals on wings arrive at the birdhouse. Watch silently until a secure feeling enters the bird’s brain, in as far as they have a brain, and pounce when the bird is not expecting it. I could of course wait until my feathered victim decides to explore the regions on the ground. That would be much easier. I could then perform my “silent feline sleek motion” and pounce. That would be the surprise action. The movement for what we felines are known for.”
“Nera I did not put the bird house in the garden to complement your diat.”
“Then what was the reason? I cannot see any other point in going to the trouble of hanging a feline feeding station on a tree.”
“Yes, Nera, like feeding the birds during the cold Winter months when their normal food is scarce. I am sure you would not like our bird population to starve.”
“You are right Mrs. Human. Starving birds is not the fulfilment of a feline dream. We find them tasty when they are plump. Bony birds are difficult to swallow, but a nice piece of poultry between the teeth is more rewarding. So now do not disturb, the meals on wings do not arrive when you apply human talk. It will scare them away.”
“Nera there is a nice bowl of vitamin pellets in your feeding place in the kitchen if you are hungry.”
“Mrs. Human how would you feel if you were served a permanent meal of dry compressed chemical vitamins for your food. I am sure you would survive, but would that be the utmost in your culinary adventures. No, of course not. Mrs. Human spends time doing something human called cooking. Admittedly the aromas wafting from the kitchen range appeal now and again to my taste buds. Would you like to sit down at the table to a plate of dry pellets that you would have to chew and swallow?”
“Nera it is not the same.”
“Of course it is Mrs. Human. By the way I think I will move to the kitchen now. Did I see a mega bird in your shopping bag when you came home from your hunt in the supermarket?”
“Mr. Human and I are having chicken this evening.”
“And I, me and myself, Tabby my assistant and Fluffy my apprentice? You tell us to share our meals with each other. Perhaps we could share some chicken with you and Mr. Human, then I would not have to sit for hours waiting for an unsuspecting nice fat juicy bird to arrive.”
“No, Nera, you have your meals and Mr. Human and I have ours. Have you ever seen us actually kill a chicken and eat it uncooked?””
“That is true, but I do not have time to watch the eating habits of a subordinate mammal. I have my own problems. And now to the kill.”
The moral of the story is never tell a feline what you are thinking. They are always a step ahead. And yes, I immediately regretted this conversation, as a subordinate human mammal is always one step behind a feline.”
“Yes Mrs. Human” said Nera “actions speak louder than words. As you can see in this feline study I was contemplating what to do with the situation. Should I wait silently until my meals on wings arrive at the birdhouse. Watch silently until a secure feeling enters the bird’s brain, in as far as they have a brain, and pounce when the bird is not expecting it. I could of course wait until my feathered victim decides to explore the regions on the ground. That would be much easier. I could then perform my “silent feline sleek motion” and pounce. That would be the surprise action. The movement for what we felines are known for.”
“Nera I did not put the bird house in the garden to complement your diat.”
“Then what was the reason? I cannot see any other point in going to the trouble of hanging a feline feeding station on a tree.”
“Yes, Nera, like feeding the birds during the cold Winter months when their normal food is scarce. I am sure you would not like our bird population to starve.”
“You are right Mrs. Human. Starving birds is not the fulfilment of a feline dream. We find them tasty when they are plump. Bony birds are difficult to swallow, but a nice piece of poultry between the teeth is more rewarding. So now do not disturb, the meals on wings do not arrive when you apply human talk. It will scare them away.”
“Nera there is a nice bowl of vitamin pellets in your feeding place in the kitchen if you are hungry.”
“Mrs. Human how would you feel if you were served a permanent meal of dry compressed chemical vitamins for your food. I am sure you would survive, but would that be the utmost in your culinary adventures. No, of course not. Mrs. Human spends time doing something human called cooking. Admittedly the aromas wafting from the kitchen range appeal now and again to my taste buds. Would you like to sit down at the table to a plate of dry pellets that you would have to chew and swallow?”
“Nera it is not the same.”
“Of course it is Mrs. Human. By the way I think I will move to the kitchen now. Did I see a mega bird in your shopping bag when you came home from your hunt in the supermarket?”
“Mr. Human and I are having chicken this evening.”
“And I, me and myself, Tabby my assistant and Fluffy my apprentice? You tell us to share our meals with each other. Perhaps we could share some chicken with you and Mr. Human, then I would not have to sit for hours waiting for an unsuspecting nice fat juicy bird to arrive.”
“No, Nera, you have your meals and Mr. Human and I have ours. Have you ever seen us actually kill a chicken and eat it uncooked?””
“That is true, but I do not have time to watch the eating habits of a subordinate mammal. I have my own problems. And now to the kill.”
The moral of the story is never tell a feline what you are thinking. They are always a step ahead. And yes, I immediately regretted this conversation, as a subordinate human mammal is always one step behind a feline.”
Having a conversation with Nera is an exercise in getting nowhere fast!!! LOL.
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