Friday, 7 February 2014

WordPress Daily Prompt: World's Best Widget

You’ve been granted magical engineering skills, but you can only use them to build one gadget or machine. What do you build? 

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MACHINES.

Tool School

I worked for almost thirty years in a Swiss machine tool manufacturing company, so this is a control system for one of the machines.

I have magical engineering skills! An end to the countless usage of foul words when something does not work.

Of course No. 1 on my list is the computer. How often do we wish that we had a Bill Gates look-alike at beck and call when the computer misunderstands our commands? Some say a computer never makes mistakes, I am sure this is just an excuse originating from Microsoft Incorporated to avoid lawsuits or damage claims when your computer is broken from a fall out of the window. You wait for endless hours outside an office building in a small town somewhere in Silicon Valley for the owner of the computer company to appear. You are armed with a Kalishnikov ready to shoot when he appears. You might have a city gentleman’s walking stick umbrella with a hidden syringe in the point ready to infect the computer inventor with a lethal poison. The perfect computer has not yet been invented. How often have we experienced a blue screen, a black screen or even no screen. This is definitely a market niche to be filled.

I was actually thinking about founding a social networking site where everyone could join. Friends would be made all over the world and a lot of money would be made as well (by me). People could let off steam when they felt they were mishandled by their respective boyfriend/girlfriend and everyone would hate and despise this person for treating his/her friend so despicably. You can swear, even send a few virus threads to people you do not like or even do not know – fun. You could tell everyone how much you really love your dog, cat, children, husband, wife, brothers and sisters. There would be an opportunity to take photos of your latest cake baking triumph for everyone to worship and admire in full RGB colours. Your grandchildren and newest baby additions to the family could be photographed and inserted in this social networking site. In twenty years the little babies of today would be really thankful that the whole world has seen them as a pacifier addicted little person. At least their mothers would still be happy, although their children might not be talking to them due to this reason.

Just a minute. What did you say? It has already been done. Some bloke called Mark Zuckerberg did it ten years ago and is still counting his millions from the misguided that joined. How could a bloke with a name like that invent such a serious thing – Sugar Mountain. On the other hand I suppose the name suits the target – a sweet, sugary dreamland visited by sweet sugary dreaming people.

Connecting to yesterday’s daily prompt (see golden oldies also have a short term memory, contrary to popular ideas), I heard a suggestion that a machine with just a button to press would be ideal for cleaning everything in the house. Not just washing dishes, but washing clothes, ironing clothes and putting them away neatly folded. It would also cook delightful five star menues. On the other hand that would be superfluous. This machine already exists. It is called “woman” and can even think and talk. Who needs a silent, brainless machine for the work. A “woman” entertains simultaneously. “Woman” adds her ideas, can complain and even praise if necessary.

To conclude this blog, Q.E.D. (quod erat demonstrandum meaning which had to be demonstrated) there is an invention, a solution to all problems, the world’s best widget and it is called “woman”. Who said something about the apple? Forget it, if you bake a cake in the kitchen who takes a bite before invited – exactly.

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  1. I manage without one of those 'widgets' most of the time :-))

  2. I consider myself lucky, I have a male widget to assist, although since its back problems the female widget has begun to do heavy duty tasks.