Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Inner Voice #23 - The Cat, The Dog and The Skull

inner voice

“Tabby, what’s that“ asked her sister Nera “looks disgusting to me.“

 “I just dug it up in the garden” was the answer, which was not so strange for a cat.

Nera came closer and started sniffing around the object that Tabby had dropped at their paws for a closer examination.

“Tabby, we are not dogs, but cats and we do not just dig things up unless they have whiskers, a long tail and pointed ears and make squeaky noises, you know what I mean Tabby” and she stamped her paw on the ground for emphasis.

“Of course I know what you mean Nera, mice, our daily delicacy if we find one.”

“So, Tabby, tell me, where did you find that bony specimen with the fangs. It doesn’t even look like one of our relations.”

“It was like this Nera” answered Tabby “I saw the neighbour’s dog burying something and so I crept up behind a bush to see what it was. Not wanting to have a skirmish with the dog, I waited until it left and then I had a look. I decided to bring it home for a closer examination.”

“And now you can bring it back Tabby, you cannot eat it, scratch it or do any other useful feline action with it. Give it back to the dog. It can then bring it home to its humans and they can give him a pat on the head or a bone.”

“I thought it might be useful Nera.”

“Tabby since when is something the dog buried useful? And if our Mrs. Human sees it, she will not be pleased.”

“What’s that” said another feline voice and up walked Fluffy, the man in the cat family, although after the memorable operation, Fluffy cast such thoughts out of his head. Cat is cat and let that be an end to it. Tabby and Nera never knew the joys of motherhood, but they were not unhappy. Bringing up litters of kittens one after the other and caring for them was not their ideal of a fulfilled feline life.

“That doesn’t look like any of our relatives” said Fluffy.

“Fluffy, Tabby and I just came to that conclusion.”

“Perhaps it’s a Werecat.”

“A what” asked Nera “there is no such thing.”

“It’s Halloween next week and all sorts of animals creep out of their caves.. My mum always said make sure you don’t get bitten on Halloween. You might turn into a Werecat afterwards.”

“Fluffy, forget it. You mum was just telling you a cattale, there is no such thing as a Werecat, is there Nera?” and Tabby looked at his sister Nera for reassurance.

“No, Tabby there is no such thing and don’t ask me such silly questions. We don’t need to be Werecats, or Vampire cats or anything like that. We eat our meat raw in any case.”

“What meat” asked Fluffy. “Our food arrives in small pellets, dry and bloodless.”

“Yes, we know, Fluffy, a disgrace to the cat nation, I call it, but Mrs. Human finds it more hygienic” and Tabby nodded in accordance with Nera’s wise words.

“So, Tabby, bring that object back to the dog next door.”

“I don’t speak to dogs” answered Tabby.

“Well put it back where you found it when the dog isn’t looking.” Nera was slowly losing her temper. As chief cat she had a reputation to keep up. “Since when do dogs organise life around here.”

Tabby picked the skull similar object up in her teeth and carried it back to where she found it. Luckily the dog was not there. He was busy sniffing around in another part of the garden trying to remember where he had buried it. His owner had got quite angry. It was Halloween next week and she had bought the interesting skull for decorations.

“As usual they all suspect me” thought Dopey, the dog. “If only I could remember where I put it”. The dog was looking in the garden and suddenly he smelt the scent of cat in the air. He changed his direction and looked around. It was then that he saw Tabby in the garden and decided to break the monotony of the day. A cat chase would be a good alternative to his programme.

Tabby noticed the dog approaching and ran as fast as her cat legs would take her, the dog close behind. It was then that the dog saw the strange skull lying on the earth in the garden. Dogs being dogs, she forgot Tabby and decided to please her owner by bringing the skull back. “I am sure that would be worth a dog biscuit” she thought.

Tabby returned to the cat clowder, comprising of Nera and Fluffy, out of breath.

“Tabby, what’s wrong?” asked Nera.

“Looks like she is being chased by a dog” added Fluffy.

“Of course I was being chased by a dog” answered Tabby “and all because I had to take my trophy back. It was such a lovely skull with all those big teeth.”

“Don’t get sentimental Tabby” said Nera. “We are cats and do not need toys like dogs. It is part of their inferior status that they waste their time burying objects, only to dig them up again. We are cats and if we dig anything up we eat it. Understood!” and that was the last word, Nera always had the last word.

The three cats suddenly hear the sound of the tin opener, and raced together through the cat flap to three dishes of tuna fish that were waiting for them.

And the dog – he was busy crunching on a dog treat he got for finding the missing skull (which was made of plastic). Somewhere in the back of his canine brain there was a picture of a cat running away, but he decided treats were better than tricks.

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