"Mrs. Human, do you have a problem?“ and up cruises my big fat black cat with the long fur, Nera. She sort of glides when she walks, like a ship on open sea, swinging her weight from side to side in motion with her short legs.
“Nice of you to ask Nera, but I have a small problem, I should write something about intoxication but nothing comes to my mind at the moment.”
“Well that ‘s the easiest thing in the world, when I think of how me and my two feline friends here in our home get intoxicated all the time.”
“Well I think you could explain that, it might help.”
“No problem, Fluffy, Tabby come here the human that we own has a problem so let’s help her.”
And up strolled Tabby, Nera’s litter sister although looking at her with her short stripy fur, she could not be more different than Nera.
“That was because our mum met another cat just after she met Nera’s dad, she sort of got intoxicated with him probably” Tabby told me. “My dad had short stripy fur, the normal average Tabby, and Nera’s father was more the long haired type, so we are half sisters. But now down to the problem, something with intoxication Nera said.”
“No problem, Mrs. Human, we cats get intoxicated all the time” and it was Fluffy’s turn to join in.
“Keep quiet Fluffy” said Nera, it is now my time to talk “Selkirk Rex cats with curly fur should be seen and not heard.”
“Nera that is not nice” I told her. Nera likes to play the boss of my three cats and Fluffy is the youngest.
“Mrs. Human I decide here what is nice and not, after all I am the leader of the pack.”
“Oh listen to her, been listening to too many pop songs if you ask me.” Tabby intervened.
“Cats Mrs. Human has a problem and we are here to help. You know how dependent those humans are on us cats, she wants to know something about intoxication.” And Nera had the last word.
My three cats then sat together in a corner and put their heads together. Suddenly Fluffy came over to me. “We have discussed your problem but for us cats it is really not a problem.”
“Well let me know your feline wisdom.”
And Fluffy started the narrative.
“Well Mrs. Human when we cats go for a walk we only have to put our nose in front of the door and the intoxication starts. Perhaps the long fluffy cat next door, Bobinette, or the short haired cat opposite, Mr. Grey, has been in our territory. We are already intoxicated with the scent they leave behind.”
“Yes” chimed in Tabby “smelling those other cats in our territory is a negative intoxication I would say.”
“Perfectly right Tabby” It was Nera’s turn “but we have a remedy for everything Mrs. Human. We mark our territory ourselves and then it is the turn of the others to get intoxicated. The result is usually that they disappear and return to their own areas.”
“There you are Mrs. Human that is the first case of intoxication that we cats have when we are outside.”
I was getting more mixed up than before I started. “Tabby, Nera, Fluffy, we humans do not mark our territory, so I can hardly write anything about leaving our scent behind.”
“Of course you can Mrs. Human” said Tabby. “You humans are always washing yourself with something called soap, do you think that does not leave a smell. We cats know you are on the way before we see you.”
“Funny animals, these humans” said Fluffy “they really think they don’t have their own scent. If they had a good lick instead of laying in water and putting coloured liquids into it or cream on their skin before they go out I am sure they would be more intoxicating.”.
I must admit I did feel a bit insulted, hearing from three cats that we humans do not wash property or our skin care with our intoxicating perfumes, for mostly enticing the other sort are not looked upon as being worthwhile by the cat world..”
“Mrs. Human are you listening, we are not yet finished” spoke up Nera. “So we leave our home and go out and smell who has been there before us. Now it might be that some sort of creature has also left its home, that too is intoxicating.”
“Oh yes, especially if the creature has a pointed nose, a long tail and is smaller than us cats.”
“Yes Tabby, how right you are, that’s the intoxicating smell we like best of all: the mouse smell.”
“Tabby, Fluffy will you two please not interrupt all the time, but yes indeed the mouse smell is almost the best intoxication we cats have in the nose.”
“May I say something Nera” asked Tabby “you know I am a sort of expert on mouse smells.”
“You may” said Nera, “I would not dispute that point. Your total up to now is more than any other member of our feline family in this area.”
“That’s not fair” piped up Fluffy “I used to hold the record until I became blind. Now I have to rely on what you two bring for leftovers.”
Yes poor fluffy is blind through an accident but he manages to get around quite well relying on his nose and ears, although he cannot go out without supervision as he does not find the way back. He gets too engrossed in the smells around him and loses the way.”
“But it is still fun” said Fluffy “I smell all sorts of things outside. I smell if there is a bird around, a mouse underground, butterflies that fly past my nose, I can even catch them and they are a real delicacy, not to mention cat nip.”
“Fluffy I thought I would leave the cat nip bit until last. You know humans always leave the best until last, so I though Mrs. Human would understand the importance of the cat nip if we use it as our final remark on intoxication.”
“A very good thought Nera” Tabby joining in again “but I was just about to explain the mouse smell. You know you walk along with your nose close to the earth, sniffing all the time and suddenly it is there. You feel the vibrations through you delicate paws and encounter a mouse hole. That is half of the work. Now you just sit still, scarcely breathing with your paw halfway down the entrance to their nest and suddenly one might appear. You pounce and close your jaws on it just enough to hold it, but no more.”
“I will carry on” said Nera “then we carry our mouse back to Mrs. Human at home so that she can see how clever we are. Although Mrs. Human, I often notice that this is where you humans do not get intoxicated: quite the opposite.”
“That’s true Nera, she tells us to disappear with our trophy and shuts the window while we play cat and mouse. The worst is that Mr. Human comes along and throws it away. I have lost many a good meal that way.” And Tabby looked quite annoyed.
How often have I told my cats that I do not get intoxicated with the sight and smell of a dead mouse in front of the window early in the morning, but they never learn.
“So there is just one thing left to describe” said Nera “and that is the delight and wonderful feeling of the intoxicating smell of the cat nip plant.”
“Oh yes” and Fluffy was really getting excited. “There is nothing so fresh smelling and that works on a cats’ psychic condition than the smell of the catnip plant in the air.”
“I love catnip” said Tabby “I could lay in it for hours and drain its scent into the pores of my furry skin. I then see thousands of mice, fields of violet flowers, hundred of tins of tuna fish, and salmon swimming in thousands down the river. On every bush in the garden there are butterflies and”
“OK Tabby, that’s enough” Nera intervenes “we know you like cat nip but you don’t have to go into such vivid explanations. Every time Mrs. Human plants some there you are rolling around in it and for me there is almost none left.”
“or for me” added Fluffy.
So what did I learn by this conversation with my felines. Well I know now what is intoxicating for cats so I must remember to buy another catnip plant for the garden, the other has almost been ruined by the cats rolling around in it. I also learned that we humans are not so intoxicating for the cats because we wash with soap and use perfumes, although my life’s purpose is not really smelling well to intoxicate a cat, or am I doing something wrong.
Creative Challenge #15