Mr. Human and I decided to organise a nice peaceful relaxing place for the warm Summer days and evening. Just somewhere where we could read a book, a newspaper, or just relax and enjoy life. It was then that the cats decided to take over, organised of course by our big black fluffy cat with the yellow eyes, known as Nera.
"That's not quite correct Mrs. Human. There are two inviting comfortable sun beds just waiting for our luxury feline bodies to stretch out and relax from the daily stress." and Nera gave me one of her poisonous looks as if to say "I dare you to push me away".
"Nera I think you and Tabby have sort of got the wrong end of the stick. There are four other empty chairs on the porch, each with cushions and just waiting for your luxury feline body to stretch out. I just do not see why you and Tabby have to take the largest chairs for your catnaps. You used to be satisfied with a normal chair."
"Mrs. Human, we do not have a catnap. We need a deep relaxing COMFORTABLE sleep to be able to have space for thinking things over."
"Nera is right" said Tabby, although Tabby always says Nera is right, Nera being the alpha cat amongst the three, so what she says is usually the law. Tabby continued. "You cannot expect us to sleep on a common cushion when there is a fully developed bed available."
"But I see that Fluffy has settled on a normal chair and seems to be happy with that." I answered.
"Fluffy is not an alpha cat, not even an assistant alpha cat, he is cat number three and has to sleep where there is room. Of course Mrs. Human, you could perhaps buy another one of those luxury models with more room for Fluffy, I am sure he would not object" and Nera put her head down and slept immediately, meaning that Fluffy had an opportunity to say a few words.
"Yes Mrs. Human, that would be ideal, but I would prefer a red cushion, it would suit my fur colour much better. Blue clashes with my blue tabby fur." Fluffy had spoken.
"Fluffy I will not buy another sun bed, or with a red cushion, and the sun beds we have were actually meant for Mr. Human and me. Nera are you listening?"
"Not so loud Mrs. Human, of course I am listening, we felines are always listening."
And she made a circular movement with her body, had a quick cat lick and went back to sleep on my chair.
"You have to understand Mrs. Human, it is written in the book of Bast that cats are number one and everything else is second" said Tabby.
"Tabby, what is the book of Bast, where do I find it (thinking the cats have been at my computer again put the search words in google "feline advantages over humans") and the book of Humans says completely different. The book of Humans says that we feed the felines, look after them when they are ill, and give them a place to sleep."
"Exactly Mrs. Human" Tabby continued. "The book of Bast says exactly the same with a few more details. Cats are to be worshipped as gods - remember Egypt and the corn chambers - to be cared for as the superior beings that we are and to be given suitable living space. And it is no good looking for the book of Bast in the computer. There is nowhere a written word, although the Egyptians tried it in their hieroglyphics which no human really could understand. The book of Bast is handed down from one cat to another in the spirit. What you humans have tried for years, we have when we are born."
And suddenly Nera awoke.
"Tabby is right Mrs. Human. It stands in the book of Bast that felines are to be treated as the gods that they are, and thus we get the best and most comfortable places to rest."
I gave up, added two more sunbeds to my shopping list (one with a red cushion) and hoped that when Mr. Human and I wanted a few restful moments on the patio, it was evening and one of our sunbeds would not be occupied by a divine feline that needed space for thinking things over.